The sequel to 'Good bye Aikane'

His Life Now

by

AS

“You lied to me!”

“No, Danny!”

“NO? Well, then what would you call it, Frankie? Cuz the way I see it not telling the truth has always been called lying!”

“You make it sound like I was being mean or trying to hurt you. It wasn’t like that, Danny, I swear!”

“Then explain it to me. What exactly WAS it like?”

“I thought I was. Danny, I swear I’m not lying to you. I love you too much to do that to you!”

“You thought? Frankie, I really think you’re old enough at this point to know whether or not you’re pregnant.”

“Danny…”

He held up a hand to cut her off. In truth, he really wasn’t sure who he was more upset with - himself or his wife. “I can’t – can’t talk about this right now.” Suddenly feeling every year and then some, Danny turned towards the door.

“Where are you going?” The voice that had been defensive but also so passionate mere moments ago now sounded small and scared.

He took a deep breath but didn’t turn to face her. “I need to think, to sort things through.” He chanced a quick glance back. “But it’s not something I’ve ever been able to do while stuck inside a building.” He paused again, unsure but knowing that he needed to convey some small sense of hope to the woman who stood a few feet away from him. “I’ll be back, Frankie. Later.”

Not really waiting for or wanting to hear a reply, Danny pulled the door open and headed out, letting it slowly close behind him.

***

Walking out onto the front steps, Danny was momentarily taken aback by the concrete surrounding him. He eyed the non-descript, four-door sedan in front of him, knowing that it wouldn’t provide the escape he craved. He sighed deeply and headed towards it as he pulled a set of keys from his pocket. It was what he had now and it would have to do. Opening the door and sliding into the driver’s seat, a stifling blast of oven-like heat slammed him in the face, nearly taking away his breath. He started the engine and immediately lowered the windows, internally longing for the days when the trades frequently circled around him, often bringing droplets from ocean with it as he cruised alongside the sun-kissed, pristine coastline, allowing Mother Nature and powerful purr of the engine beneath his grip to work their magic on whatever had been insidiously nibbling at his emotional control.

Easing the vehicle away from the curb, he drove away from the small house and turned at the first intersection. He still wasn’t comfortable in the new city but one of the first things he had done had been to find a route that he could drive that was secluded enough to allow him some of benefits of his coastline drives at home. It wasn’t the same; could never be the same. But to a certain extent it had worked a few times over the past four months and more than anything he needed it to work now. Merging from the entrance ramp onto the freeway, he found it nearly impossible to just automatically drive and allow his thoughts the freedom to wander that they had once enjoyed.

Three months. It seemed both like yesterday and a lifetime ago since they had arrived in Northern Arizona. Frankie’s house – their home – was in a small town just outside of the city limits of Sedona Arizona. Phoenix was just over a hundred miles away but for the man who had always lived in the heart of the action in Hawaii, it might have been in another state.

Glancing at his watch, Dan realized that he’d been driving aimlessly down the highway for over a half hour. He sighed and slowed the sedan, pulling off to the side where a dirt and rock road appeared to lead to a small valley. If he kept driving, he would soon be in Phoenix – not a place he wanted to go to in his present frame of mind. He turned off the engine and remained in the vehicle for only a minute before opening the door to stand. He stretched his back a little and walked around to the trunk, leaning against it to gaze around at the brilliant almost fiery desert colors that now encompassed his life. He had to admit that the natural beauty around him was something to behold. Yet the differences tugged at his heartstrings and it was those along with the recent developments that had him homesick and almost melancholy.

He felt the warmth of the sun as it seeped through his clothes and skin as if it was heating his bones. The very air seemed hotter to him than it had on the islands. Logically he understood the difference in the two climates but logic had very little to do with his missing the tropical heat of Hawaii. Being bluntly honest with himself, Dan knew that he needed to acknowledge that it wasn’t just the climate he was having issues with. He’d believed with his whole heart and mind that he’d taken the right ‘next step’ when he’d made the decisions to resigned from Five0 and leave the islands when he’d made them. But knowing and feeling that he was right had not made any part of the decisions easier.

Now with a distance that was caused by more than just time and actual miles, Danny had been able to acknowledge how frustrated and simply out of sync he’d been both professionally and personally during the last year. In retrospect he understood that the change had begun shortly after Chin Ho had been murdered. He had expected that bringing down those responsible for the Oriental detective’s death would have brought some measure of closure if not peace and he had logically at least been able to put the entire time behind him to some extent. Now he finally understood what he’d never realized before – it had been that awful time which had started the unease he had felt growing inside.

The unease had manifested itself at many inopportune times during his last year on the islands. Danny knew that he’d never gotten over the emotional upheaval he’d faced after the undercover debacle that had ended with his being brainwashed to kill McGarrett in the airport. Steve and Duke had spent a lot of time watching him and checking on him afterwards not backing down until he had loudly insisted that he was fine and did not require a baby-sitter. Yet his normal coping techniques had not worked as well then. Danny knew it had been because he was devastated at the thought that he had been program to kill a man he’d respected and loved for so long. The appearance not long after that of his old girlfriend at HPD of all places had again spun his world on its axis. She’d changed – and not all for the better. But then could he honestly say that all of the changes life had wrought in his own past had truly been for the good. Knowing that he couldn’t, he strived to see past the nagging doubt inside, preferring to remember what she had been and believing that, with help and the right motivation, she would again be the one he remembered. Yet he had failed her in much the same way he had failed Jane so many years earlier.

Struggling to not react outwardly, Danny fought down the stab of pain that struck whenever he thought of the young woman he’d loved so many years ago. Her memory had faded somewhat over the years, the love morphing into fond affection but the loss he’d felt during that time had evolved into an intense loneliness that had stayed with him over the years. No one had known of its existence so deeply had he been able to bury it. Not until Frankie. She had blown into his life much like the others. In fact he hadn’t thought this one would be any different from the rest. A deeply intense yet fleeting relationship that ended either due to his fear of committing his heart too fully or

yet another of many sacrifices laid at the altar of Five0.

This time had been so different that he hadn’t known how to act or react. Each discovered tidbit, every moment spent together had been like a brilliant rainbow lighting up a dark, stormy horizon with the promise of its love and warmth. Her presence had become a constant in his life before he even realized they were more than just casual friends. Not a native, Frankie had moved with friends several months prior to Maui and had flown to Oahu for a long weekend of shopping and the chance to experience Waikiki’s nightlife first hand. Dan had met her at his favorite surfing cove when he’d gone there for a walk, a chance to travel down a memory path and quiet his soul. He remembered being drawn to her vibrantly rich hair color. Thinking that she must have been a tourist, he’d toyed with the idea of offering ‘a mainlander’ advice on the wicked Hawaiian sun. He’d walked near where she was laying but before he could speak, she’d turned to face him and he’d been nearly hypnotized by the endless depth in brilliant green eyes. He’d been speechless for what must have seemed like an eternity before she’d risen from the sand to introduce herself.

Fortunately his brain was still somewhat connected and functioning but he’d still surprised himself when he asked her out to dinner right after telling her his name. Her voice had been melodic and cultured yet the mirth and liveliness in those green pools was not to be ignored.

“Yes, Dan, I believe I would very much enjoy having dinner with you.”

And enjoy it they both did. Along with the days that followed. Scheduled to have a rare weekend off (due to McGarrett’s over protectiveness), Danny had found himself nearly praying that no disasters struck on Friday that would require his presence. If Duke and Steve noticed his anxiety every time a phone rang neither mentioned it or his near obsessive clock watching as the evening hours drew closer. He’d gotten out of the Palace as close to on time as he ever had and sped to his apartment, showering quickly and agonizing about his wardrobe for longer than necessary. A case of nerves felt more like dinosaurs stomping on his stomach than butterflies.

Hurrying through waning rush hour traffic, he was still as nervous as a teen on his first date when he arrived at the hotel and found her waiting outside. She hurried over as soon as she recognized the Mustang and opened the door to slip into the passenger seat.

“I could have parked or at least pulled over, you know.”

“I know. It’s nice to know that chivalry isn’t dead the way some would like to believe. But I like the look on your face when you see me coming towards you.”

Amazed at her honesty, Dan didn’t even want to think about what he looked like at that moment much less come up with a response. Then she shocked him even more by leaning over the gearshift and placing a firm but gentle kiss on his cheek. He turned his head and she drew away, meeting her eyes and getting lost in the sparkling green until a car horn from somewhere behind jolted them both back to reality. The car horn seemed to echo in the distance as the car that had just passed him a bit too closely sped away.

Danny looked up, still a little dazed over being pulled from his reverie. He watched as the vehicle sped down the open road, quickly becoming a distant blur. He exhaled deeply and looked around at the different scenario that surrounded him. His life certainly had changed greatly. Yet again the pit of his gut felt as if it was invaded by a rock or something else equally as heavy as he wondered if the changes really were for the better or if he should have stayed on the islands.

‘Oh well, sure not going to figure anything out here by myself,’ he muttered as he walked over to the car door and sat down in the driver’s seat. A firm believer that everything that happened did so for a reason, Danny felt that the car driving by a few minutes prior was his urging to go home.

***

Frankie wanted to explode, to run, to burn off the excess energy lighting through her like a stick of dynamite on the fast track to explosion. Instead she paced for several minutes and then, desperate for another way to expunge the energy and emotion coursing through her, she stalked into the kitchen and started to clean it.

The mindless tasks allowed her a physical activity and an outlet for her energy while her brain raced along.

She’d managed to so thoroughly mess up the one thing in her life she’d promised to get right. Moving appliances off the counters, she grabbed the all-purpose spray cleaner and liberally wasted most of it before wetting a sponge to start her task. As she worked, she grumbled to herself.

“You knew better, Frankie! Knew it from the very beginning that he wasn’t like those boys you grew up around. But no! Still had to play your games, didn’t you? Just couldn’t be happy with the best thing ever in your life!”

As she swiped at the invisible dirt on the counters, her ever-mounting frustration made her scrub even more furiously. Throwing the sponge into the sink, she yanked open a drawer and snatched a dishtowel, using it to dry off the counters before tossing it in the direction of the laundry room just off the kitchen. Operating nearly on automatic pilot, her anger and frustration cooling more to worry, Frankie returned the appliances to the counter, unconsciously rearranging everything as she went. Then moving to the sink and rinsing out her sponge, she pulled open a nearby drawer and began to empty it so that she could wipe it down as well. The physical yet mindless task gave her mind the ability to wander, which it did freely replaying events not long passed that she knew she would always treasure.

The attack of nerves was constant, waning and ebbing as the second hand marked the passage of time. She was already dressed, her hair coiffed in the loose style he loved, makeup expertly but not garishly applied. The only thing that remained was to wait for the car that would take her to him, to the place where their connection would be solidified. She paced – much like an expectant father – knew she needed to relax but was too keyed up. The knock at the door startled her. Walking down to the car, she could almost feel her knees knocking. She gasped when she saw it – the white convertible Mustang sitting there the way it had many times not too long ago. She looked up and into the dark eyes of the large Hawaiian who stood by the driver’s door.

“I don’t understand.”

“No better way to go to your wedding than in the car that brought you together. Besides, Danno loves this car. Couldn’t keep it from him while he was here – even if it is just for a visit.”

It was then that Frankie finally recognized the man – Kono. She remembered Dan talking about the now-retired Five0 detective who had left the unit to marry and have a somewhat normal life. The two had remained in touch throughout the years and, when he had spoken of him, Frankie had been sure she heard a wistfulness in Dan’s voice. She was glad that he would be with the two of them now. The doorman stood, holding the car door open for her and she softly apologized as she got into the vehicle.

“You must be Kono,” she said as the vehicle moved out of the hotel parking lot.

“Yes.”

“It’s nice to meet you finally. Dan has talked a lot about you.”

The two of them exchanged a few more words before lapsing into silence. Frankie hated it, she’d prefer to talk about nothing then to give her nerves time to spike and attack again. Before she was ready, Kono was easing the car into a parking spot near the path she would take to meet Dan.

She didn’t remember much about the walk from the car to the small, open church. She’d been too nervous to say anything or look around her and knew she’d regret that forever. What little girl didn’t dream of marrying the love of her life on the beautiful island of Hawaii? She was living more than her dream and had wanted to embed it in her mind and heart.

She’d never forget her first glimpse of him. His eyes and that smile calmed her nerves instantly and drew her to him like a moth to a flame. So much so that she never noticed how many people were there in the pews. For her there were just the three of them – the minister, Dan and herself. Although she wanted to memorize the moment, she knew she’d barely remember it. It felt too much like she was floating in a dream. His hand gripped hers as they listened to the minister read the sermon on love. Warm, sturdy, steady – his strength had been noticeable from the start. As strong as she knew she was she still looked forward to being able to lean on him and to be there for him to lean on if the need arose.

Soon they were facing each other with clasped hands to speak their vows. Looking into the watery but so clear blue eyes, Frankie knew she’d finally come home and would never be lonely again. She listened to the cadence of Dan’s voice as he spoke the traditional vows and was nearly lulled by the feeling of peace that swept over her. Soon the minister turned to her and she smiled at both men, ready to make her own vows.

“I, Francesca Celeste, take you Daniel…” A sole tear made its way down her face as she began.

With the silverware all spread out on the still drying countertop in front of her, Frankie leaned against the counter, staring down at the mostly empty drawer as tears streaked her face. ‘You gotta find a way to fix this! Before your life is like this – empty except for crumbs of dust. Nothing important just like Mom always said!’

Tears threatening to fall, she blinked furiously as she yanked the drawer out of its holdings before dumping the miscellaneous crumbs into the nearby garbage can and then wiping the drawer with the waiting sponge. She slammed the drawer back in to place and leaned on the counter as a few of the tears slid down her cheeks. She made no move to acknowledge them or wipe them away though instead dropping her head further down, allowing her hair to spill forward and block her face from anyone’s view. Not that there was anyone around to hear or see her. She was alone – the one thing she never wanted to be.

***

Danny drove with more peace than he expected considering how incensed he'd been just a short time ago. His brief trip down memory lane had calmed him in a way that he'd never expected. It had also enabled him to remember what had attracted him to Frankie from the onset. Sure, she was a beautiful girl but she wasn't the normal 'type' that he'd gone for in his younger days. Not that looks had ever really mattered exclusively to him. No matter what the guys had thought or teased him about. There had been both a spark and a vulnerability in her that had called to him. He'd known others who were as spirited as she was but there had been an almost doe-like quality about her that had brought out his protective instincts as well.

He'd worried that a lot of the attraction was more his dissatisfaction with Five0 in general. He had to make that clarification. Whatever he felt about Five0 had nothing to do with Duke or Steve. He couldn’t help but remember his last days with the two men. Steve had been shocked, surprised and then so hurt when Dan had finally screwed up the courage to deliver his resignation. Guilt alone had almost made him change his mind then. Only the thought of being with Frankie and the baby had solidified his resolve to make the break and make a fresh start somewhere new. He’d never admitted to anyone either how much Steve’s treatment of him those last few days had hurt. Duke had alluded to it in a few of their conversations since then and even though it wasn’t, Danny felt as if he would be bad-mouthing someone who had been so important in life for so long if he even admitted that the older Hawaiian had been on target with what he said. Gradually Duke realized what topics weren’t comfortable to discuss and now their monthly phone calls were mostly filled with idle chit-chat – updates more on general news from Hawaii rather than specifics on Five0. Not that his friend didn’t slip in Five0 news every now and then.

Danny had already heard about the new additions to the unit and exactly what Duke thought of them. The Hawaiian detective hadn’t been shy either in expressing his opinion concerning McGarrett. Dan had winced, disturbed and upset at what appeared to be a downward spiral related to what Duke didn’t know. He was worried though. That much was evident or else he would have never mentioned it to Danny.

If he had been able to look at the entire situation objectively, Danny would have understood that McGarrett was part of the reason he had gotten as furious as he did with Frankie. His last couple of years on the force had been filled with too many stressful situations – many unavoidable and yet just as many could have easily been avoided or not been as bad as they were had it not been for the very headstrong head of Five0. From McGarrett’s undercover fiasco to his own mess with an old college girlfriend, Danny thought about each catastrophe in the making, sighing again over how easily disaster could have struck. Navigating the developing area as he got closer to home took more of his attention so he focused on driving rather than letting his mind wander.

****

Frankie paused, arm in mid air as she was about to toss yet another foil wrapped package into the garbage can that she’d pulled closer. Was that the slamming of a car door that she’d just heard? Suddenly nervous, she forced herself drop the object into the trash and resolutely turned back to the refrigerator she’d been cleaning. She bent down to wash the shelf off with the damp dishrag she’d been using, quickly blinking her eyes to fight back growing tears as she tried and failed to ignore the opening and closing of the front door. He was back and now, too soon, their fate would be decided.

Danny entered the house and closed the door behind him, still not sure of what he, what they should do. He moved from the tile entryway to the rug and looked around the living room before raising his head a little, turning it towards the faint smell that tickled his nostrils. A hint of a smile danced across his face. She was so predictable! Stressed. Nervous. Upset. It didn’t matter what the cause was. Any one of those emotions always sent the mercurial redhead to the same task – frenetic cleaning. He stepped quietly towards the kitchen more out of force of habit than anything else. Pausing at the doorway, he examined the clean counters and stovetop. The appliance was still noticeably wet but the counters…Dan was sure that they would have gleamed if possible. He glanced over to the refrigerator, staring at the open door as he wondered whether he should wait to see if she looked up or if he should just start talking. Before he could decide, she straightened and moved the enough to be able to see him above the door.

Bent down, pretending to be engrossed in the shelf she’d already wiped clean several times, Frankie was immediately aware of Danny’s entrance. She loved the way he smelled. Every time she was close enough, she inhaled deeply, trying to categorize and name the scents but was never able to. Leaving the rag on the shelf, she straightened up enough to see him.

Wanting nothing more than to avoid looking at him, not wanting to know what was going to happen, she couldn’t look directly at him at first. When she finally did, she nearly gasped at the tired and almost resigned expression on his face. All she wanted with every fiber of her being was to be able to erase the minute lines that were present on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Frankie whispered. She blinked her eyelids, lowering them to the floor as she did so. She couldn’t look at him, not when she was trying to say what needed to be said. She’d cry and, more than anything, she needed to be strong. Needed to be able to take it if Dan turned around and walked out the door on her again. If he stayed, she wanted it to be because he wanted her, loved her. Not because he felt pity for her tears.

Danny studied her, remembering everything he had thought of in the desert. He was still hurt and upset that would take time to fade and/or heal. But he knew that underneath the anger he still loved the vibrant woman he’d married just a few months prior. ‘You are such a sap, Williams,’ he thought to himself.

“Frankie, look at me.” He spoke quietly and then waited until her eyes met his. “No more secrets, stories or anything like that, Okay? Do it again and I’m gone.”

He didn’t get a reply but instead got an armful of his red-headed firecracker. “I promise, Dan, I promise.” She buried her head in his shoulder and held him tight. “I love you,” she whispered.

Tightening his arms around her, Danny chose not to respond just yet. Yes, he knew he still loved the woman but he didn’t want to seem to vulnerable to her at the moment. He wasn’t leaving – that much he knew. This was his life now and he was determined to make it work and to make sure that they were both happy with their choice.

Pau