I O U
Written by AS
________________________________________________________________
RATED PG-14 -- for intense,
mature situations
“OK, Steve, take your
time. No, there are no pressing issues
here. Everything is fine… --“ he laughed. “No, I’m
not keeping things from you except, of course, for the 5 murders, 3 kidnappings
and 6 bank robberies we’ve been given since your plane took off! Relax!
Have some fun and we’ll see you when you get back.”
Danny
Williams leaned back in his chair and sighed as he hung up the phone and
surveyed the mess on his desk.
Fortunately, Steve didn’t go to the mainland
THAT often. He glanced at his watch,
amazed at how quickly the evening had flown by.
He knew he still had several more hours of paperwork to complete. Although he normally handled his own share of
the large amount of paperwork that Five-O generated, getting
stuck with all of it on his own whenever the boss was out of town never failed
to overwhelm him. Thankfully, McGarrett
was due back in a few days. Dan couldn’t wait.
He heard the ringing
of a phone and wondered who could be calling at such a late hour. Realizing it was Steve’s private line, he hurried into the office and picked it up. He figured it was probably McGarrett calling
because he forgot something or felt the need to get just one more update. Dan quickly decided not to give him any more
information.
But it was not McGarrett.
Danny recognized the voice of Lehue, an
informant that Steve had kept on the side for many years. The man insisted that he had to meet with
McGarrett. Without giving a reason,
Williams refused him, playing out the snitch, wondering if he had anything good
to sell or was just looking for a quick buck.
McGarrett was never known as a soft touch with
the few informants he dealt with personally, but he did pay well.
Lehue assured he had some vital information on their
investigation of a bribe from a local developer to the Mayor. That was all he would say over the
phone. He need
to talk to McGarrett.
Should he level with
the snitch, tell him Steve was not there and was unavailable? No, never good to give out
that kind of information to a street hood. But the bribery case
was an important one.
Maybe he should take
Steve’s place?
Danny hesitated momentarily before agreeing to
a meet as he thought it was a little odd for the guy to be calling so
late. Finally, he decided that things
were probably on the level and that the informant simply needed the cash.
He scribbled some
information down on the pad that Steve kept close to his phone and hung
up. He glanced down at the meticulously
neat workspace and thought back to his own messy desk. He did not know how his friend managed to
keep involved in so much and still be able to keep a clear desk most days. He shook his head and hurried out to drive to
the meet. It wasn’t
until he pulled the LTD out of the Palace’s parking lot that he realized he had
forgotten to grab the piece of paper off Steve’s desk. Fortunately, he remembered where he needed to
go.
********
As Dan pulled the LTD
to a stop in front of the run down apartment building, he shuddered at the
number of times McGarrett had come here by himself to meet the informant. He jogged up the stairs and silently vowed to
take the time to accompany his friend to more of these meets. After all a little informal back up never
hurt. He knocked on the door of the
apartment, identifying himself.
********
On the other side of
the door, a shadowy figured paused, his finger itching on the trigger of gun
with a silencer. What was Williams doing
here? It was supposed to be McGarrett!! He glanced back at
the bound and gagged figure in the corner.
His plan was ruined. Then again maybe not…
A small sadistic grin played on his face as he turned his arm &
fired towards the corner. Eyes on the
door, he watched the handle slowly turn and positioned himself behind it.
********
Williams wasn’t sure but thought he had heard something on the other
side. Pulling his weapon from his waist
holster, he slowly turned the handle, pushing the door open. THWACK!! Pain radiated briefly in his mind as he
collapsed to the floor, gun falling by his side.
********
Walking next to the
pretty photographer, Steve silently admitted that the hastily arranged get-away
had turned out quite well indeed. Even though they had barely been there two days he had to admit that he was more relaxed
than he had felt in months. While not on the same level as the beauty of
The room at their
bed-and-breakfast was a little too ornate for his liking but the peace and the
beauty of the surrounding area nearly equaled the islands. Especially
the beauty of his private scenery.
He glanced over at his companion as they entered the inn.
“I’m going to call
Danno, Nicole.”
Ms Wylie nodded. She knew – you could take the man off the
islands and away from the job, but you could never take Five-O out of
McGarrett. It was one of the things she
found to be so intriguingly special about him.
Among others.
She turned towards him, stopping him with a hand on his arm.
“I’m going to take a
shower. Remember you’re
on vacation – you aren’t supposed to be worrying about work. Let Danny handle things for once.” She gently chided.
“Worrying about the
way he handles things isn’t it. I trust
Danno with my life under normal occurrences…” He did not finish the thought as
he realized she had baited him. She smirked
and walked away as he moved to the phone.
********
Nicole entered from
the bathroom to find Steve pensively contemplating the view from their window.
“Problems at
the office?”
She mentally crossed
her fingers that if there were he did not know about them.
“Oh no – even if
there were, Danno would never tell me.
He thinks I need this weekend too badly.”
Nicole walked up
close behind him. “Then you probably
do,” she whispered.
********
“DANNO!”
Steve
bolted upright breathing heavily, nerves twitching, body sweaty with an ominous
fear. His eyes darted around the
darkened room searching, not finding what he expected to see.
Nicole had turned
over to face him. “Steve? What is it?”
Slowly he realized he
must have been dreaming. “It was just a
dream. Go back to sleep. Sorry, Honey.” He lay back down next to her, but knew he
would not go back to sleep.
It had seemed so
frighteningly real – almost like he was witnessing something, but no one had
known he was there. No, that wasn’t quite it. It
was too vivid for that. Even with his
eyes open, he could still clearly see Danno’s face. The image from the dream popped in Steve’s
mind again. Dan’s face
– eyes darting wildly around in fear.
Then a sudden fixed stare. His blue eyes growing huge.
The terror that was in them! The pain – no,
agony - that was written all over the face he could read so well.
All were visions that
chilled his soul and Steve’s breathing quickened
again, his chest tightened as the images replayed themselves. The voice that was clearly Danno’s
replayed itself in McGarrett’s mind. The
scream was full of a myriad of emotions.
But it had clearly been a cry for help.
“STEVE!”
In his mind, Steve
heard Dan screaming his name over and over again. He couldn’t shake
it, couldn’t banish the feeling that Danno was looking for Steve to help him,
that this was more than just a dream.
The thought briefly
occurred to Steve that this was a message.
That somehow his friend was trying to contact him. He scoffed at the notion and decided it was
his overactive imagination; the dream was a product of his dark Irish
heritage. Now that he had little stress
and time to waste, his occasionally-brooding side must
have reared its mystical image once more.
He’d have to work at firmly shoving it back
down before he returned home.
He spent the
remainder of the night convincing himself that the sense of foreboding that
gripped him was nothing to be worried about – just remnants from a strange
dream. Then how to
explain the uneasy fear clutching his chest.
The sun was just
starting to peak on the horizon when Steve silently slipped out of bed and got
dressed. He’d
call Danno’s apartment, hear his voice and listen to his chiding about the very
early morning call. That would put his
demons to rest. Not wanting to wake
Nicole, he silently left the room to use the downstairs phone. His hand was on the phone, his fingers
starting to dial when he finally realized how absurd it all was. It was early now, that made it practically
the middle of the night at home. No
matter how close they were, more because of how close they were, Steve knew
that Dan would not be pleased with the night-time
call. He hung up slowly. Maybe if he were still bugged by the dream, he’d call later.
Sighing deeply, he turned and went outside for a walk.
********
He
thought he was starting to become aware of his surroundings. He tried to take a conscious self-inventory. He knew he had a strange buzz playing in his
head and his brain felt like it was moving in slow motion. He felt like he could not take a deep breath
and his stomach felt really queasy. His mouth was really dry. He could not move his arms or legs. Dan Williams slowly opened his eyes, not sure
where he was or what had happened. The
last thing he remembered…
A door opened and a figure approached
him. He fuzzily watched hands doing
something with an object that must have been on some table next to him. The hands raised the object into the air and
a little bit of liquid came out of it. A needle! He needed
to move away! He couldn’t
move – not the littlest bit! He was trapped!
Steve! Steve should have found
him by now. He tried to call out to his friend – to scream Steve’s name. He found he could barely think the name, much
less say it. Dan felt the needle
pierce his arm, the liquid enter his veins.
The ‘rush’ was almost instantaneous.
He drifted.
********
“Earth to
McGarrett.”
After several
minutes, Steve glanced over at his companion as they walked the dirt path
edging the rolling hills scattered with vineyards. He smiled, but remained pensively
silent. The scent of raw, moist earth,
the fertile colors of the green vines, the brown soil, the
blue sky failed to nab his attention.
His mind centered far away, on the
“Penny for
your thoughts?”
He tried to smile at
Nicole, but it barely reached his lips.
“No, don’t say
it. Let me guess – the dream.”
“Sorry, Honey,” he
sighed.
“Let’s go back to the
inn before dinner. I’ll
freshen up while you talk to Danny.
After that, I expect to have your undivided attention again.”
They returned to the
bed-and-breakfast and Steve went to use the phone while Nicole walked upstairs
to their room for a few minutes. When
she returned, she noticed his face was still concerned, worried. “He didn’t answer?”
“No, and I tried both
the office and his condo.”
“Maybe he’s enjoying
a day off – you know, a private life,
Steve.”
He nodded in
acquiescence not wanting to continue the discussion. He knew better. Sure, Williams had an active social life –
one McGarrett frequently ribbed him about.
But his second in command’s dedication to the
job was complete, especially when the boss was out of town.
They went to dinner
at an expensive, but highly recommended local hot-spot
and Steve tried to focus his attention on Nicole. But a large part of
his mind and his heart were in
Nicole felt his
uneasiness. His inability to talk to
Williams was a little unnerving to her.
She remembered too well when she had been involved with the mob how
abruptly and quickly people completely vanished. Tomorrow, she decided she would talk Steve
into returning to
That night Steve
napped more than he slept. He tried to
not disturb Nicole too much but every time he closed his eyes
he saw Danno. It was as if he was
reliving their years together – Dan’s life was passing before Steve’s
eyes. He wiped the morbid thought from
his mind, but could not loosen the stranglehold the uneasy disturbance had on
his chest. It was silly, he silently
lectured his psyche. Plus everything would be fine once he talked to his
friend.
********
After paying off the
cab, McGarrett hefted his luggage and briskly climbed the front steps of the
Palace. He was already weary from a combination of not sleeping well the
previous evening, rising early and the hectic sudden activities customary to
changing travel arrangements. It was now late in the afternoon and he noted no
company LTD’s were parked in the customary slots in
front. So, all
the detectives were out working. They hadn’t expected
him home so early.
A little disappointed
he would not be seeing Williams, he was also a bit
relieved. Looked like just another day
at the office. No
crisis. The dreams -- the
unsettling images of nightmares -- had meant nothing; he breathed out with a
slight sigh of relief.
Then why hadn’t Danno answered the phone last night when he had
impulsively called? No
answer at the apartment or at the office. Well, Williams was not
scheduled to be on call last night.
He DID have a private life, as Steve so often teased him. Still no indication that
anything was wrong. The
premonition was nothing more than a bad dream.
Climbing up the front
staircase of the interior of the Palace, he reminded that Williams usually did
not take time off when he was away. In
fact, Danno over-compensated and over-did the attention to work. Danno had hedged about the
‘If I’m going to play the boss I want to do it right,’ he had joked when he drove McGarrett to the airport last
week. ‘No calling you even if there’s an emergency.’
‘Is that a promise?’
Steve had joked.
Steve had been
distracted thinking about Nicole and the verdant fields of vineyards that would
be a different kind of scenery for him.
He had hardly thought about what he was leaving behind. He forced himself to sever the connection with
work and
The
unsettling feeling harbored under his skin for the last two days swept over him
again and reasserted itself firmly in his consciousness. Again. Why? What had happened while he was away?
This was
ridiculous! Since when did he have -- feelings
-- of impending doom? He chided himself
for the regression into a race-memory of mysterious Irish mists and ancient
tales of superstition. This was not like
his sixth sense perceptions during cases, this was merely an over stressed mind
left with too little to think about while on holiday.
Still, he increased
his speed as he rounded the corner of the upper landing in the Five-0
wing. He’d find
everything as usual when he opened the polished koa
door in front of him. The staff
secretaries -- just preparing to leave for home at this hour -- would greet
him. Later, Danno would return and grill
him about his weekend. Steve would tease
him about his absence when he was supposed to be minding the shop. They would probably go out together for a quiet
meal to trade stories and catch the boss up on cases while he had been in
Sweeping into the
main office, he was nearly at Jenny Sherman’s desk when quick observations
clicked into his deductive faculties and he knew his predictions were
completely wrong. Only Jenny was there,
all the other desks were empty. Her face
was strained and sad and when she looked up at him, it was, at first, with a
ripple of disappointment. Whom was she
expecting? Then a flood of relief. He dropped the suitcase at his feet and
stopped.
“Steve! Oh, it’s so good to see you!” She rushed around the desk and flew at him to
give him a fierce hug. “We’ve been so
worried.”
Confused and
concerned, he gave her a cursory hug in return.
“Worried? I’m
fine. Why? What’s wrong?” His voice already strained with anxiety.
“Well, no one knew
where you were but Danny. And -- oh,
Steve -- no one knows where he is.” Her
eyes brimmed with tears. “He’s been
missing for two days. And we couldn’t
get in touch with you -- “
“Danno’s
gone?” Two Days! He couldn’t believe
it. His chest seemed to fold in at the
emotional blow. “No,” he sighed in pain,
stunned at the horrible news, surprised his dread and dreams had come true.
Automatically, he glanced
into the cubicle by Jenny’s desk. The
lights were out. The desk was slightly
messy, uneven stacks of papers covering most of the top. Danno was not there. A chill singed through his system like a wave
of fire and ice. He didn’t
understand the subliminal message he had received. He didn’t know what
kind of psychic level he was working on.
What he knew, though, was that two days ago, he had experienced an
unusual nightmare and he had heard his friend -- in agony -- calling for him. Too far away, too disbelieving, he had done
nothing.
“Tell me everything,”
he demanded, pushing away the socket in his heart that was
filled with alarm. What had he
done? Why didn’t
he read those subconscious warnings? “I
have to know everything,” he insisted.
Jenny guided him into
Williams’ cubicle and she turned on the light.
“He was working hard on that Nelson case,” she unsteadily reminded,
touching the desk but not disturbing any papers.
McGarrett carefully
shuffled through the arrest forms, stake-out summaries,
scribbled handwritten notes. The Nelson case. While Chin Ho had handled a string of auto
thefts, Ben Kokua covered the investigation of two
con men working
Instantly suspicious,
McGarrett started skimming through the notes, looking for a direction. Had Danno gotten too close
and Nelson’s heavy friends silenced him?
He asked what the other detectives had been doing about the
disappearance.
Jenny,
calmer and more certain now that the boss was back, summarized, “You know, the
standard procedural steps.”
The door at the end
of the corridor slammed open and shut.
Ben Kokua’s tall, athletic form rushed through
and he stopped instantly when he saw Steve.
His expression, just like Jenny’s was one of relief.
“Steve, good
that you’re back.”
“Tell me what’s going
on!” he demanded. An instant accusation,
though he did not mean it like that.
“What happened to Danno?”
“He was here late
Friday night, Steve. The next day we came in and he never showed. We didn’t figure it out right away,” he shook
his head in deep regret. “Most of us
were in and out of the office all day.”
“I was off until
today,” Jenny supplied, regretful.
“So he might have
been gone for two and a half days!” Steve concluded harshly. He stabbed Kokua
with a narrow glare. “His
apartment?”
“We checked. The hospital, the morgue,” he stated quickly,
“Even some of his girlfriends. Nothing. No one’s
seen him since Friday night.”
“His car?”
“The Mustang’s at his
apartment. The LTD is gone.”
“I can’t believe
this! Where is Chin?”
“He thought he had a
lead out at Waianae. Duke’s
been hitting the streets and pressuring some informants. I just came back from HPD. Thought I’d check
out our recent cases. In case some one’s
come back for revenge or something.” He
grimaced. “There’s
a lot of investigations that Danny’s been in on. And a lot of enemies,
bruddah.”
Not what McGarrett
wanted to hear.
A necessary step, but one that might be nothing more than leg work. He felt like they were striking out blindly
with no skill, no hope. What did they
investigate when someone just walked away and disappeared?
“I’m going to
concentrate on Nelson,” he decided and started gathering up files.
Ben
helped and they relocated the mass of paperwork onto McGarrett’s office. It was a little stuffy in there and Ben
mentioned no one had been in here since Steve left. Danny did all his work from his office. Steve opened the lanai doors. A gust of fresh wind blew some of the papers
off and Ben gathered them together.
Steve stared out at the afternoon twilight sky, wondered where his
friend could be.
********
“Steve?”
A whispered scream floating from
darkness trailed by unfocused, misty gray. Suddenly,
a flash -- like a flashbulb lighting a dark room.
Danno. Disheveled, hurting, crying out -- crying -- in pain. Trapped. He couldn’t move.
“Steve!”
*******
A faint tickle
against his cheek woke him. McGarrett
blinked his eyes open, seeing papers ruffled in the breeze brushing his face.
He raised his head off his desk before his mind filtered away form the dream and grasped
reality. He had spent the night going through evidence
-- searching for clues. Glancing around,
just for a moment, he thought it was Danno, bringing in coffee and opening the
door . . . .
“Chin!” he breathed
in, trying not to show the confusion and disappointment he felt.
Kelly was not looking
at him. The Oriental detective was busy
shuffling the papers around the coffee mug he’d just
placed on the desk.
“Anything
new?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing.”
Then it was all
real. The disorienting dream, the images
of Danno hurting -- trapped -- in pain -- had confused him. It was an illusion. Was there any basis in fact? Was it just his imagination supplying the
visions of dread? His
expectations filling in the scenes of terror?
Sipping
the coffee, he only half-heard Chin’s report on the night’s lack of progress
from HPD. There were the usual crime
incidents around the island and Kelly reported those, but Steve wasn’t
listening with full attention. He sortied the papers
that had been reshuffled in the breeze. One, he noted, had blown onto the floor. Picking it up, his heart skipped a beat.
LEHUE
PIKAKE APARTMENTS
# 4
IN THE BACK
Danno’s distinctive -- all capital -- bold writing.
Lehue. One of Steve’s rare
informants was named Lehue. Keo Lehue. He lived at the old, run down Pikake
building at the edge of
“We’re going to check
this out. Come on.”
Knowing it was a bad
neighborhood, and not knowing what they would find, McGarrett ordered Kokua and Lukela to meet them there.
While the morning was
sunny and bright, the Trades coming off the ocean didn’t
reach as far inland as the stuffy, mean streets in the old downtown area. When they pulled up, Kokua
and Lukela were already there, standing in front of the stucco-crumbling
three-story apartment house.
Jogging up the
outside stairs, McGarrett drew his revolver.
When they reached the back at number four, he stood to the side and
tapped on the old wood with his weapon.
“McGarrett! Open up!”
No response. No
noise inside.
Without patience, too
anxious, he kicked down the flimsy door.
Inside the small studio apartment, it was fetid and hot, humid and
sickening with the scent of death.
Nearly choking, fear spiking to clog his throat with bile, McGarrett
took a deep, filtered breath through his hand.
In the dim light of the thin curtains, he saw a body in the corner
behind the door. Gasping, he stepped
back, imagining it to be Williams. In
the next instant, he realized it was not his friend, but the tingle of fear
still danced on his nerves.
“Lehue,”
he rasped hoarsely.
Coughing, he turned
away and froze. On the wall, written in
smeared red, was the scrawl:
I O U
“A message,” Chin darkly
concluded.
McGarrett’s tight
chest hardly allowed any air in or out. Revenge. Someone was
out for revenge. They had killed Lehue, set up Danno, and -- and done what to his
friend? Was that blood
used to write the message? Whose blood?
There was no room
anywhere else here to hide a body and he felt himself shaking. Slowly re-holstering his weapon, he exhaled
through his lips and stepped outside into the fresher air. The room was too small for all of them and
Duke had remained outside. While Chin
and Ben studied the little apartment, Lukela’s gaze
was across the street at the lip of an alley.
“Steve.”
McGarrett grunted,
too keyed up to speak.
“I think that’s
Danny’s car.”
McGarrett
stared at the black Ford across the street.
It was sitting on its rims -- the tires gone -- and several other items,
too, like mirrors and the front grill. Stripped. This WAS a
bad neighborhood. A little dazed, heart
racing with anticipation, he jogged, then ran down the old steps and over to
the car.
Yeah, it looked like
Danno’s black LTD. No license plates
left to confirm that.
“Get a lab crew down
here right away,” he ordered, studying the car through the open window.
No signs of violence,
he noted. No blood. No damage. That was something anyway. The trunk was open and he checked. No body.
Rubbing hands over
his face, he paced away, staring at the ruined vehicle, hoping it was not
symbolic of his missing detective.
“Danno.” he whispered
in quiet despair. “What happened? Where are you? I need something more than the dreams, my
friend.” He stared at the streets, the
old buildings, wondering if they would find William’s body somewhere here in
the warren of hopelessness. “I’m trying
to find you, Danno. Please be
alive. I’m not
giving up. Promise.”
********
His brain felt like mush. He’d lost count of
the number of times the hands had approached him with the needle. He was numb.
No longer did he feel the needle pricks.
His mind was constantly buzzing.
He felt warm and a little nauseous but other than that nothing bad. The ‘rush’ was fairly
pleasurable. The hands approached
him again. He thought he heard a
voice. The voice was asking him if he
wanted more. The boring, rational part
of him tried to scream ‘no’. He fought
it down and sighed ‘hhhmmmmm’ as the needle sank into
his arm.
********
Steve
shoved his office door open and slammed it shut behind him as soon as he
cleared the doorway. He needed to block
out, to forget all that he had just seen.
The scene at Pikake Apartments had unnerved
him in a way that very few things ever had except for his initial ‘dream’
several nights ago in
“Reporters! That’s
got to be the third one. Every
one of them wanting to know what is going on by that apartment building you
went to.”
“You ARE giving them
the usual story, yes?”
“Of course, but this
last one was more specific than the others.
Acted like he already knew certain
details. Wasn’t
happy at all with the ‘no comment’. Said he knew that we were trying to hide something.”
Jenny finally raised
her eyes to examine her boss. McGarrett
looked terrible – worse than he had before they left the office. She wondered what he had seen out there. She knew that if they had found Danny Steve
would have told her. Since he had not,
she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know what they
HAD found.
“Just stick with the
usual story, Jenny. Any
other calls?”
Before she could
reply, Steve wandered off towards the cubicles, drifting into Williams’. He leaned
against the doorframe staring but not really seeing anything. He couldn’t explain
it but felt that there was something immeasurably comforting about being in
Danno’s office. He took a few slow
breaths. Although he had never felt it
before -- perhaps had never paused long enough to try and ‘sense’ it -- there was a kind of aura – presence – that he
detected here lately. He wondered at the
sudden birth of characteristics that reminded him of ancestral stories his
mother used to tell. He had never put
much faith in the tales until recently.
Here, in Dan’s office, it was as if he felt his friend’s presence in the
most comforting way possible. Being in here seemed to soothe the rage and hurt that had boiled in
him since realizing that his foreboding nightmare had become reality.
Jenny stared at McGarrett, a small stack of messages in her hand. She didn’t reply to his question. He would never have heard her if she did. She knew that the boss’ mind was no longer in the office. It was with Danny wherever he was. She closed her eyes against the emotion that made her weepy at night once she was home, striving not to let the sorrow hit her here and now. She could not cry here. She needed to be strong for these men, for the boss who was so close to going over the edge himself this time. She wondered at the difference. Dan had been hurt many times before, had even been held hostage and kidnapped but Steve had never reacted the way he was now. The only legitimate thought was that any other time something occurred McGarrett had been there immediately afterward to help or to locate Williams. Not this time!
McGarrett abruptly turned from the office and snatched the messages out of Jenny’s hand. He moved into his own office, slamming the door behind him. He dumped the memo papers onto his desk, walked immediately over to the lanai and flung open the doors. He leaned against the railing and tried to settle his ragged breathing as he thought back to the ominous message that had been written on the apartment wall.
When he had fled the scene, the lab team had
arrived. A couple of them were already
examining the vehicle.
Che Fong himself had
gone up to the apartment to study the wall.
He had taken a few pictures and scraped off a sample from the smeared
message on the wall, and had promised a report before the end of the day. He had offered to make Steve copies of the
pictures and have them delivered to the Palace.
Revulsion had filled McGarrett and he was only able to turn and quickly
leave the building. He knew he would not
need pictures to remember the message.
It was indelibly stamped in his mind, on his
heart, even though he still did not understand what it meant. He wasn’t positive
that message was tied to Dan’s disappearance.
He looked up at the sky as if all of his answers were
written there.
“Where are you? I know you need me, but I don’t know how to
get to you, aikane.”
Finally, he walked
back into his office and absently sorted through his messages. The normal ones, the ones he expected to
see, were all there. But
one – he paused over it. And read the two words on the
paper.
‘Nicole’ Then
further down on the paper a question. ‘Safe?’
He should call her;
let her know what was happening.
The phone rang before
he could act on his thought. Jenny told
him that Che was on the phone waiting for him.
“Yes,
Che – what have you got?”
“I hurried the test
because I knew you’d want to know right away, Steve. The message on the wall was written in blood,
Steve.”
He froze momentarily. His
voice sounded stiff in his own ears.
“Can you identify whose blood?”
There
was a long pause. “Yes, Steve, the blood
was the same type as Danny’s.”
McGarrett’s mind
blanked. He was incapable of thought or
reaction. He did not even know how he
managed to end the conversation and hang up the phone. He was hardly aware of anything else he did.
The rest of the day he did not remember any details. At some point, late at night, he could not
even begin to explain how he managed to leave the office and arrive at his
apartment. Somehow, he found himself
sitting on his lanai. Was that his phone
ringing? He finally went inside and
answered it.
“Steve, its
Nicole.”
“Hi, Nicole, are you
back home?”
“Yes, is everything
OK over there?”
Reluctantly
Steve told her about how true his dream had been and some of what had happened
since his arrival home. Talking about
it, verbalizing the events made them real again, made them hurt even more than
they already did if that was possible.
He didn’t know how long they talked, couldn’t
even tell what he did the rest of the evening.
He knew he wasn’t hungry. He hardly ever ate at home, much less
alone. Most of his meals were shared with Danno.
Steve couldn’t help but wonder if they would
ever again do something as ordinary as that again. Morose brooding was so unlike him. He never permitted it. But it was like he
had no power over it of late.
Irrationally, he blamed the haunting nightmares.
Later
that night he dreamed again:
Dan’s blood was everywhere he
looked. But Dan
was no where to be found even though Steve could hear him calling for him.
He walked into a hospital room and looked around. This was the room where Danno had been held hostage after he was shot several years ago. There was a lump of something over near the
window. He walked over and knelt beside
it. He turned it over and froze as he
stared at Danno’s dead body.
Suddenly he was climbing up
A blinding flash of light and then --
He was pacing in the corridor of the hospital as
he waited for word. So much blood had been shed already.
All to save the lives of his three neighbors. The danger that came with this safe house assignment
had been the very reason why his second in command had gone. There was no one that McGarrett trusted
more. A stretcher was
wheeled out of the trauma room and he stopped it, eyeing the young
oriental woman a few feet away. She
would be unable to ID the body. It was
up to him. He raised the sheet and
pulled it slowly off the face. He stared
down at the curly hair, the pale face and closed eyes – eyes that had always
been so expressive and easy to read, eyes he would never see again. He lifted the sheet higher to look at the
damage the bullets had caused, to look at what he had done to his friend when
he had given the gunman the address to the safe house. Danno’s death was his fault, his friend’s
blood would be forever on his hands.
Darkness was all around him. He did not know where he was. Then the voice –
“STEVE!”
“DANNO! WHERE ARE YOU??”
“OH GOD, IT HURTS!
HELP ME, STEVE!!”
********
The staff had already
left for the day. The coffeepot in the
outer office still sat on the burner, creating a cross between coffee and
mud. Inside the large office, a light
burned still. The man who sat at the
desk was hurriedly attempting to finish the endless amount of paperwork that
went with his job. He was barely aware
of what he was doing. Steve McGarrett
could only concentrate on completing his project so that he could begin to work
on the case that consumed his mind whenever possible and his heart all the
time. His second in command, his friend,
had now been missing over a week.
Political considerations and urgent caseloads had demanded that Chin Ho
and Ben remain removed from the disappearance.
Neither detective liked the move and both
continued to work on the case whenever they had time. It still consumed McGarrett. To that end, it was the sole job of Duke
Lukela, now on indefinite loan from HPD, to assist in the quest to find
Williams.
Steve had just
completed reports on a recent case when the outer door of the office opened and
slammed shut. The footsteps in the outer
office sounded so familiar. He froze for
a moment, eyes locked on his office door.
Could it be? The doorknob turned
and the door pushed open. Duke Lukela
stood there.
McGarrett tried to
hide the disappointment, the hope he had felt.
Lukela stared at him and he knew the Hawaiian officer knew what – who – he had been hoping to see. His eyebrows furrowed together a little and
McGarrett knew that something was bothering him. An uneasy dread grew inside. This was something he did not want to hear.
“Steve,” Duke
sighed. He had been sure of what he
wanted to say walking towards the Palace but now…
“Anything new
today, Duke?”
“Hasn’t been
anything new in awhile. It’s almost as if we’re knocking our heads
against a brick wall on this.”
There was a tinge of bitterness
in Duke’s voice. In response, anger
flashed inside McGarrett.
“What are you
saying?”
“You know what I’m
saying.”
Steve got up and
walked to the lanai door, leaning against the frame. Duke hung back, feeling that although this
needed to be addressed that neither of them, but
especially Steve, was ready for where the discussion was going.
“Why don’t you spell
it out for me?”
“Steve, it’s been too
long already. It’s time…”
“No, it has not been
too long. I know he’s
out there. We just aren’t looking in the
right places.”
Frustration building,
Duke couldn’t come up with an answer. After a few minutes, he left the office. McGarrett remained rooted in place just
inside the lanai. He had been unable to
admit to the despair that was growing inside him. How could he acknowledge the feeling? Doing so would be such a betrayal to
Danno. Almost as if
he was giving up. He knew if their
situations were reversed that Williams would never
give up on him. Somehow, he needed to do
the same for his second in command, for his friend.
********
The next day everyone
was in the office but Duke. As usual, he
was out on the streets trying, at this point, to manufacture a lead – a miracle
– with Dan’s disappearance. Chin and Ben
had been working at solving current cases as quickly as they could so that they
could spend any free time working on Dan’s disappearance. The staff secretaries no longer chattered
while they worked. The office was eerily
quiet and somber. Even Jenny sat at her
desk ostensibly working but looking often at the empty cubicle so close to
her. She barely glanced up when the
messenger entered the office.
Steve sat at
his desk, despair
was overtaking him. He could not
find his friend. It was as if someone
had left those clues but had made sure that Danno had thoroughly vanished. Every time they got a lead
or what appeared to be some new sighting, Steve had traced it down
mercilessly. He was pushing on all
fronts – the press, the governor, HPD, his own detectives. He couldn’t help it,
couldn’t shake the feeling that Danno was in desperate trouble, in absolute
agony and was looking to Steve for help.
By his own accounts he was failing as a friend
on all possible sides.
Jenny entered the
office, an envelope in her hand. “Steve,
this just arrived by messenger.”
He took the small
flat envelope from her hand and slit it open without a thought. His mind was too
pre-occupied with possible places to look for Dan. He heard the envelope’s contents fall on the
desk and looked down at it the same time that Jenny did. Steve stared, shocked; Jenny screamed. The other detectives ran into the
office. They stared at Dan’s Five-O ID
card smeared with sticky red letters – the
letters:
I O U
********
Lukela walked slowly
back to his patrol car, wondering if he should bother moving over another block
and renewing his inquiries with the merchants of the small shops. The hookers and old men fishing along the
river had been on help this morning. Any
morning, he sighed. Almost two weeks.
They weren’t going to find the body.
It
was a thought that had come and gone frequently. As each day progressed, Duke thought it more
often. Now, it was a conclusion in his
mind. As painful as this purgatory of
grief was, it was going to go on a long time.
It filled him with such deep sadness to know it. At least, he had already concluded, that
Danny was beyond the pain. Had been for eleven days.
It was a small island in a big Pacific, and disposing of a body was
surprisingly easy. Whoever wanted
revenge had done it well. Revenge against Danny?
Or Steve?
Or all of Five-0? Or all cops? Those answers remained to be
found. They were
pushed to the side along with everything else in McGarrett’s life,
except finding his missing officer.
When
would Steve give up and admit Danny was dead?
When would he give in that Danny
was not coming back? Duke wasn’t
sure. He wasn’t
even sure when he had decided Danny was lost forever. All he knew was that the possessed-wraith of
passion heading the investigation was not ready to hear anything about labeling
this a murder. It was still a missing persons case for Steve and it would be for a long time. Maybe always. He would probably never give up. That filled Lukela with more profound sadness
than he could define.
Steve had been haunted -- beyond the expected pain -- by this case the entire time. There was a deeply buried hurt he was not
confessing, an underlying guilt that Duke didn’t
understand, beyond the expected desperation.
He did know that this was tearing Steve apart and the wounds might never
heal.
It would help if they
found the body, of course. At least there would be closure. Then everyone in the unit could start the
recovery process. They could focus more
on bringing the murderer to justice instead of expending so much time and
energy on trying to find Williams. Steve
could refocus his energies.
Forced by political
expediency and a sense of duty, the boss ordered Chin and Ben almost entirely
taken off the Williams’ disappearance.
Steve concentrated on it to nearly the exclusion of all else. A pretty neat trick,
since outside the walls of the Palace it appeared to the governor, the press
and colleagues, that business had returned to normal. There was still an open, ongoing
investigation of Williams’ disappearance, but McGarrett was properly
functioning as the head of Five-0 – doing his duties, attending the right
meetings and being seen when and where he was supposed
to be seen.
It was all a
sickening sham. Steve used every minute
he could during the day and most of his nights working the case. And his ace in the
hole was Duke. On loan from HPD, Duke
was a permanent addition to the Five-0 force.
His only job now was to find Danny.
He was Steve’s eyes, ears and legs out on the street where McGarrett
could not go. And
how he wished he was doing a better job!
As he turned the corner he nearly stumbled upon over a body that was slumped
against the tire of his squad car. With a
disgusting sneer, with his shoe, he nudged the leg of
the man .
“Sammo,
get away from my car!”
The kid was somewhere
in his twenties. Years of rough living
on the streets of
Not for the first
time, Lukela briefly flinched at the grey ethics involved with such a
relationship. He hated drugs with a passion
as did most policemen.
He had personal reason to detest the affects they had on people and
families. Yet, for bits of information,
he paid destitute scum like Sammo to give him
information, so they could get high on drugs, live on the streets, and exist in
a netherworld of crime and misery.
“Hey, Duke ---“
“Don’t have time to
talk today.”
A news van cruised up
and stopped. The reporter, the bane of
Five-0, Ms. Vernor, leaned out the front window.
“Sergeant
Lukela. We got a tip you found Williams.” She stared at Sammo
for a moment. “That’s not him.”
“We haven’t found
Officer Williams yet,” he tersely shot back.
Vernor stared at him, as if wondering to believe him or not. “If you give me the
exclusive I promise to make you look good, Sergeant.”
“You don’t want to
hear what I really think about that!” was his vicious reply.
She flinched at the
near-threat and withdrew from the window slightly. “We’ll be cruising around here for a
while. If you find him, let me know.”
“Who tipped you?”
“Anonymous caller this morning.”
Aggressively, he advanced on the van. "If you're withholding information --"
"No!" she
yelped and scooted farther away from the window. That's all I know!"
She motioned for the driver to move along and
they slowly drove away.
Duke didn’t
like that information, but didn’t have time to worry about it. There were lots of
callers in the last eleven days that had made Steve’s life a misery. False leads and taunts were part of the job
on a high profile case involving a missing policeman.
“Duke, I got a
complaint for you.” Sammo
came to his feet and leaned on the hood of the car. “Hey, you haven’t talked to me yet about Williams. You don’t think I’m good enough anymore?”
“I talked to you last
week, Sammo.
If you didn’t have poi for brains you’d remember that.”
The young man grabbed
onto Duke’s shirtsleeve. “Okay, maybe
you’re right. But I can tell you where
he is now for a pric –“
Lukela grabbed him by
the shirt collar. “If this is a scam to
get money out of me, bruddah, you are gonna be shark
bait for dinner! Don’t mess with me
about Williams!”
“No lie!” he
gasped. “I seen
him. Showed up in my corner ragged and sick
and –“
“Where? You take me there
now!”
Sammo pulled away. “Follow
me. But you got to promise good mon –“
“I’ll give you
something if this is good, Sammo. If it’s not you’re gonna
be sorry you ever talked to me.”
“Okay. This way. He’s got my corner,
I tell ya. And coconut wireless says there’s some bad dude lookin’ for him. But
I knew you guys would pay me better.”
The man shuffled over
to the nearest alley. Duke urged him on, faintly wondering if this might be a trap. They knew an informant had lured Danny out
that fateful night almost two weeks ago.
With a hand on his revolver, Lukela warily followed the man.
Another
corner turned and they came to a small intersection of the alley where a
dumpster had been rolled out to make a little
hovel. Behind the dumpster were torn
rags, pieces of cardboard and newspapers.
It looked like a rat’s nest.
Keeping a grip on Sammo in case it was a trap,
Lukela peered around the dumpster.
Rank smell in the closed space hit him first. He stared at the filthy, huddled, whimpering, trembling man wedged in the corner of the old brick building. The curly hair – an indeterminate color – tipped him off. Did anyone else have hair like that? That had to be Danny, didn’t it? He hoped not, part of his sunken heart whispered.
What might once have
been a button-down white shirt was now grungy and ripped, but it could have
been a dress shirt. Duke knelt down, his
own hand shaking, a knot in his throat, as he reached over and touched the man
gently on the shoulder, recognizing the face, knowing this was whom he had sought for so long,
disturbed-- appalled -- to find him like this.
“Danny?”
From this close, he
could see the forehead – sweat beaded there.
Bruises and unhealed abrasions smeared the face along with grime.
“Danny?”
“No!”
The figure fell away
and Lukela gasped. Williams’ face was
drained of color and thin. The eyes
dilated, staring at nothing. The skin hot to the touch under the shirt.
Hardly able to speak,
Lukela tried to grasp onto any shred of reason he could find. “Danny, I’m here to take you home. You’re sick –“
“No,” Dan gasped,
shutting his eyes in obvious torment, obvious pain. “Just let me die,” he moaned and curled over
onto the ground.
Shocked at the
comment, a fear built inside Duke. A dread that he could not even think to name in his mind. A horror beyond his wildest
nightmare.
“Steve is looking for
you,” he whispered brokenly.
“Don’t let him find
me,” Dan wheezed out between clenched teeth.
“Let me die. Don’t let him know.”
He sobbed.
The cop in Duke could
ignore the words because he knew they had no meaning. Nothing Danny said or did right now would
have significance. Danny was in the
grips of horrific withdrawal from some potent drug. Lukela had seen it too many times
before. He knew all the symptoms and
signs. Someone had destroyed Danny’s mind and will and turned him inside out with drugs in the
last eleven days.
“Hey, what
about my money?” Sammo asked.
Duke stood, ideas
flying into his mind with lightning speed.
“You stay here. I’m bringing the car around.
Don’t let anyone see Williams. And after we leave I
don’t want you saying anything to anybody.
When I’m ready to take him out of here you get your money!”
Duke ran down the
alley, to another side street, and came to a stop. Glancing around, he noted the news van a
half-block makai of his location.
Casually, he stepped over to his squad car and started the engine. He backed away and pulled around the corner,
using a different route to the alley, always checking to make sure he was not
followed.
Biting his lip with tension, he screeched to a halt at the
dumpster. Sammo
came out from hiding behind it and Lukela breathed out a long hiss of
relief. So far so
good. Grabbing a blanket from the trunk,
he bundled Dan into the
back seat of the HPD car and gave Sammo all the money
in his wallet.
“You don’t tell
anyone else, you got that? I mean it.”
“Yeah.”
Duke jumped in the
car and took the back way out. All the
way through the old streets of run-down Honolulu, he quickly ran through his
options as he threw desperate glances at the huddled, quivering form in the back
seat. The pathetic moaning getting to him , he
finally placed a comforting hand on Williams' back, offering a measure of
inadequate comfort for both of them. Take care of Danny -- that was
his first priority. Something he was constantly reminded about as he heard the shuddering
moans, felt the trembling. Next priority
-- protect Steve. This was going to
devastate McGarrett.
The logical thing
would be for Lukela to take Williams right to the hospital. A week in detox and
they could medicate him, bring him
down in degrees. And ruin the rest of his life. No way Five-0 could
keep this a secret. It would destroy
Danny and McGarrett both.
What was public
humiliation or even a career next to a life?
Could Danny survive without professional medical treatment? Kick the drugs cold turkey? Grimly, Duke knew it could
be done. He and Doris had managed
it with his wayward niece. He could do
it for Danny.
Where to go? Not
the Palace. Not Danny’s place or Steve’s -- too well watched by the media hawks. Not his place, it was no
secret he worked with Five-0.
They all might be watched. Not Chin or Ben’s places, they had families
with young children.
He made his way
through the downtown area and refrained from calling McGarrett at the nearby
Palace. He traveled on toward Waikiki,
slowly formulating a plan. Turning at
the Ala Moana Mall, he weaved through the streets to a
cul-de-sac and parked the car in the carport of a nice, split-level house. Checking to make sure
he was not observed he carried Dan into the house from the back door.
The pleasant home belonged to
Sergeant Chip Malone, a good friend, who was out of town for the next two
weeks. Duke came over every day after
work to check on Chip’s dogs -- former K-9 partners Moe and Larry. They were older German Shepherds -- Moe too
old to stay out in the field, and Larry wounded in the line of duty a few years
before.
Before he slammed the
back door shut with his foot the dogs met him in the
kitchen. Sniffing, Larry whined and left
the room. Moe sniffed and sat down in
the corner. They knew Duke, knew Danny
by scent, and they knew something was terribly wrong.
Feeling like he had
committed to his course of action already, he followed through with the plan
still forming in his mind. He placed Dan
down in the hall and retrieved two sheets.
Undressing the detective, he placed the clothing in one sheet and
wrapped it up for forensics if needed.
Then he took Danny to the shower and cleaned him up. Not procedurally acceptable for a crime
victim, but he couldn’t stand Danny wallowing in the
filth of the streets. The needle tracks
in his arms confirmed the worst suspicions and he was again certain this was
the right thing to do.
Finished with the
quick shower, he wrapped Williams in the second sheet and took him to the spare
bedroom in the back of the house. Danny
was hardly able to stand and continually moaned in pain, shivering, hot/cold
and sick.
“Danny, we’re going
to start fresh now. You’re going to feel
bad for a while, but you’re going to live through it.”
Williams dazedly
shook his head.
“You will. It’s going to be
okay. Just rest.”
Leaving the shaking
detective, he went to the phone.
Dialing, he took several deep breaths.
This was not going to be easy.
The next few minutes would determine his future -- his family’s -- along
with Danny’s and Steve’s. Was he up to this? Was this really the right thing to do? He believed it was. So committed, he snapped into total resolve
when he heard the haggard voice on the phone.
“McGarrett.”
“Steve, this is
Duke. Don’t
tell anyone where you’re going and be sure you’re not followed. Come to the green split-level house at the
end of Kalakaua Circle. It’s behind Ala Moana Mall.”
“What --“
“Don’t ask, Steve.
Don’t say anything to anyone, just get over --
“Is this about
Danno?”
“It’s more important
than you can imagine.”
McGarrett hung up.
Feeling himself
tremble with anxiety and dread, he went back to the bedroom and studied the
quivering young detective. This stunt
might destroy Duke’s career and his friendship with McGarrett, or alienate him
from Williams with a permanent wedge. Or save his two
friends. He didn’t
know which, but he did know this was his only choice.
Duke heard the
Mercury gun up to the curb outside and screech to a
skidding halt. He rushed to the front
door, still not sure what he was going to say to his long-time friend. Opening the door, McGarrett was barking
questions before he could say anything.
The dogs barked back, greetings that the head of Five-0 did not acknowledge.
“What is going
on, Duke? Why did you bring me here? It’s got something to do with Danno.”
“Steve, before I
answer that --“
“Is he here?” McGarrett marched past him and started
searching the rooms.
“Sorry it’s so
mysterious, Steve, but we can’t let anyone know what’s going on.” Lukela physically restrained him. “He’s here.
He’s alive.
But he’s sick --“
“Sick! And he’s not in the hospital?” He swept through the rooms like a charging bull until he reached the back bedroom. “Danno!” he cried out in a strange mixture of agony and relief. Gasping, he rushed in, kneeling by the single bed, touching the trembling officer. "Danno," he hardly whispered, a painful moan from deep within.
Lukela cringed at the tone, at the emotions spilling form the still-hurting head of Five-0.
"He’s got a fever!”
“Steve, he’s going
through withdrawal!”
McGarrett checked
Dan’s pupils, took his pulse and felt his hot face, shaking his head. “NO!”
The cry startled
Williams, who opened his eyes and saw the man kneeling close to him. He backed away, covering his face with his
hands. “Go away! Stay away from me!”
Duke grabbed onto the
shocked McGarrett and pulled him from the room.
“Whoever did this to him got him hooked bad,
Steve,” Lukela rushed, trying to explain it all while McGarrett was still in
shock. “Probably
heroin. Danny’s going to live
through it, I can tell you that, but he’s going to be sick.”
“He needs a hospital
--“
“And the
publicity? Steve, I’ve been
through this with my niece. I had to
move her to the
“It is not his
fault.”
“Do you think that
will matter? He’ll
be off the force --“
“Not Five-0 --“
“You can’t save him
from this, Steve.”
“I CAN!”
“Not this time,
Steve! You can’t
beat this kind of stigma! It’s got to be between us only. Only we can save him.” He gripped tighter onto the man who was ready
to barrel back in the other room
and take things into his own
hands. “Take him out of this house and
he is through as a cop. And you’ll have
a tough time --“
“You think I care
about reputations or my career?”
“I think you care
about what happens to Danny.”
McGarrett pulled away
and went to kneel beside the bed. He
placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “Where
do we start?”
Williams opened one
eye and shook his head. "Don't Steve -- leave me --"
"I'm not about
to leave you," McGarrett flung back, his grip tightening on his officer.
"I am here for however long it takes.”
Shivering, Williams
just shook his head, moaning in misery and leaning his face against the wall.
"Don't waste -- your time -- Steve -- just let me
die."
McGarrett closed his
eyes against the emotional assault. He knew it would get worse -- the despair,
the pain, the hopelessness -- maybe for both of them. He had not lied. Now that
he found his friend, nothing was going to take him away.
Later, he would have to
address the motive -- the perpetrator of this evil crime. Inside, a burning
vengeance flared with the desire to destroy whoever did this. But that was not his concern now. His friend was alive, but
in desperate need of help. And McGarrett was going to
be here to take care of him. Duke moved
up behind him and pulled him out of the room again. Out in the hall, McGarrett stood near the
door unable to take his eyes off of the shaking
figure.
“Not we,
Steve! Me.”
McGarrett glanced at
him as if Lukela had just taken leave of his sanity. “If you think I’m leaving him now --“
“You have to,
Steve! You have responsibilities,
obligations --”
“TO HELL WITH
THEM!” He roared.
A terrified cry from
the bed caused both men to spin towards the room. Duke recovered first and pulled Steve back
before he could run in there again.
Somehow, he had to make the boss understand and accept the realities of
their situation. He took a breath to
calm his own nerves and emotions.
“Steve, I know how badly you want to be here, to
be a part of this and help Danny. But think about what will happen if you don’t show up every
day at the Palace. The press, HPD, the
governor – they will be all over this and then there will be no way to protect
DAN.” He emphasized the last word
knowing that the idea of taking care of Williams would be the only way to sway
McGarrett.
Uncharacteristically
Steve slumped against the wall and Duke was once again
reminded of how much this particular ordeal was costing McGarrett. He again wondered at the source of the
intense guilt.
“So what do I
do? Walk out of here now and pretend I haven’t seen him?
Pretend I don’t know what he’s going
through? Go on with life as normal?”
“For now –
YES! During the day – YES!”
Steve felt as if a
vise had gripped his chest at the Hawaiian’s answer. He didn’t think he
had the strength to do that.
“Steve, do you have
any idea what these next days are going to be like? What HE’s going to
be like?”
“I’ve heard the
stories.”
“Have you ever seen
it first hand?”
McGarrett
shook his head then and Duke reminded him that he had seen it more than
once. Then he outlined several of the
more obvious things that were going to happen.
McGarrett’s face paled at his words.
“And you expect me to
let him go through THAT alone?”
“He won’t be
alone. I won’t leave him, Steve.” Duke paused.
He knew this was hurting McGarrett almost as much as not knowing where
Dan was before they found him. “How about during the night, Steve?”
McGarrett looked at
him. He knew what Duke was trying to
offer so he nodded his head.
“But you can’t let
anyone know that Danny’s been found or where he’s at. If anyone finds out, he’s done.”
Steve nodded and
started to say something. He was stopped by a chilling cry from the bedroom.
“Get away from me!”
Both men rushed into
the room. Duke eyed Dan from the foot of
the bed. Knowledge allowed him to
realize what was happening. McGarrett
dropped to a knee next to the bed as he reached a hand out and touched an
arm.
“NO!!…Get away!”
“Danno, you’re safe
now.”
Duke was quiet as he
watched the thrashing start. Then full
body tremors that shook the whole bed with their
force. Knowing he had to act quickly, he
approached the foot of the bed and grabbed on to Dan’s legs attempting to hold
them still.
“Steve! Hold him down before he hurts himself.”
Lukela nearly threw
his whole body on the legs to calm their shaking and twitching. Steve was momentarily
frozen in place. Then he reached over
and took hold of Dan’s arms but was unable to contain them. Williams was fighting them like a cornered
animal looking to strike back out of a nearly irrational fear. Duke knew that he had Dan’s legs under control
but felt that Steve would let the arms go rather than risk hurting the younger
officer.
“Steve,
do whatever you have to do to hold him still.
Lay on him if you have to!”
Duke barely had the
words out of his mouth when Dan suddenly jerked one of his arms free and moved
to shove McGarrett away.
“HE DOESN’T KNOW IT’S
YOU, STEVE! HOLD HIM STILL!”
Lukela’s words finally sunk in.
Steve gripped onto Dan’s arms with both of his hands. Finally realizing he had no other choice, he
pinned Dan’s arms against his chest and secured them there with his hands and
the strength of his upper body. The room
was quiet except for intermittent cries from Dan. Cries that tore at McGarrett’s soul. Gradually the tremors eased. As the body became still Duke backed away
first, followed much more slowly by McGarrett.
“With any luck, he’ll
sleep for a little while. Or at least be
somewhat calmer.”
In reality, Lukela
knew that Dan would not sleep. Insomnia being one of the top symptoms of drug withdrawal along
with the tremors. He sincerely
hoped that the nausea was passed.
“You better go back
to the Palace, Steve.”
McGarrett looked like
he was going to protest. Duke held up
his hand.
“I’d like to go home
tonight for a little while. Can you be
here then?”
McGarrett agreed
quickly and then stared at the body on the bed.
“Go Steve.”
With
the briefest of nods, Steve tore his eyes away and walked towards the door,
leaving without another word. Duke
sighed when he finally heard the big car start and drive away. Then he turned and glanced at the shivering,
muttering form of Five-O’s second in command.
This was not going to be easy, might even be harder than when he and his
wife had brought his niece off the drugs.
Perhaps he should never have made that phone call to McGarrett. No, that would ultimately have led to
something nastier than Duke wanted to picture.
Steve needed to be involved in this.
But what would they find at the end of the road
the three of them were treading?
*******
So consumed with
Danno’s condition, heartsick at the depressing end to the long and exhausting
search, McGarrett gave little thought to the future. Not until he was climbing the koa stairs up to the Five-0 wing of the Palace, did he
think about his next steps. Pushing the
image of his suffering friend away momentarily, he
knew when he walked through those doors he needed to have his head on straight
and his mind working logically.
His next actions were
clear. While a trace of guilt at the
coming betrayal lanced through his system, it quickly vanished under the
emotional barrage of intense defensive protectiveness. Danno -- this was all about taking care of
Danno. There was no other priority. Knowing he had few limits in such a cause, he
barreled into the office.
“Ben, Chin,” he ordered, still on the
move, hardly giving Jenny more than a glance as he sailed past into his office.
As
soon as the detectives arrived in his office he turned, standing squarely
behind his desk, and began the trail of deceit.
“I’m pulling you both completely off Danno’s case,” he commanded
briskly. Before they could comment in
surprise -- voice the shocked reactions spreading across their features -- he
plunged ahead. “We can’t sustain the
drain on this office any longer. No one
outside these walls will find out, but only Duke and I are going to be working
on this case now.”
“I can’t believe
you’re giving in to outside pressure!” Ben snapped out.
“I am doing my duty!”
he lashed back angrily, truthfully. “We
are paid to protect and serve this state!
I’m not giving up, I promise you!”
His voice shook, the accuracy of that statement making him tremble
inside, knowing in the days ahead he might WANT to give up instead of
witnessing the pain Williams was going to go through. “If there is going to be any investigation on
Danno’s behalf, we have to play by the rules we’re given! I am not giving up! I will never give up!” He caught his breath, trying to rein in the
rage at the situation and the anger that there was hardly any relief yet. Danno was alive. Barely. It counted for a lot, but there was still so
far to go. “That’s all.”
Ben left in a silent
storm of fury. Chin shook his head and
silently studied McGarrett. “You’re not
going to let anyone know about this, are you?
Public will see you working as usual, making this a non-priority
case.” It was not a question, but a
resigned observation. “Gonna make it tough on you, boss. You let us know when we can help. On our days off, of
course.”
When
Chin left, closing the door behind him, Steve collapsed in his chair and fought
off tears. He hated betraying his loyal
men like this. He felt as if he had just
stabbed them in the back. But it was for the greater good. They could not know about Danno. Never would they betray the secret, but the
more people who knew the greater the risk -- Duke was right about that. And the pity -- when
Danno came back -- they would reveal the pity and Danno would feel like
dirt. It would be hard for him to
function around them again – maybe never.
It would change the tone of the unit forever. Duke was right, he was gradually realizing,
in what the perceptions would be beyond Lukela and McGarrett. Danno might survive the addiction mentally
and physically, but emotionally, would he ever recover knowing his associates
and friends were privy to his utter degradation?
Leaning back and
staring out his windows, he sighed, slowly getting a grip on his emotions. Then he launched out of the chair and flung
open the lanai doors. Going out to lean
on the railing, he bowed his head and sighed deeply, shakily, steadying his
nerves. He was going to need all his
strength to pull this off. And he hadn’t even
spent more than a few minutes with his friend!
How was Danno going
to manage this? He wondered for the first time.
After the suffering and the pain, there would be an accounting. They would have to make up a story, fabricate
where he had been hiding, who had captured him.
And how would
Danno feel? Guilt. He knew his man. Danno would feel terrible shame and
culpability over this. Well, he would
deal with that in the future. This was a
multi-step process. Danno was
alive. Now, he must recover. Then he -- they -- must live with the
repercussions.
*******
In
the outer office, Ben was storming around as if looking for something to
throw. Jenny watched him quietly at first. She did not know what had happened in there
and wondered if she even wanted to know.
But familiar with
the tall Samoan, she figured he would volunteer the information
in minutes. He did not disappoint.
“I
CAN’T BELIEVE HE DID THAT!! GAVE IN TO THEM! HOW COULD HE?”
Jenny
couldn’t stand the suspense any longer. “Ben, what are you talking about? What did he do?”
“STEVE! He totally pulled us off the case!! It’s
like he doesn’t even care! Danny
disappears and now it’s going to end up in the dead
drawer. All because he
caved in to budget demands and politics.”
Jenny
was aghast, unable to believe that the boss would actually do something that extreme. “Ben, no! You must
have misunderstood or he did not mean it the way it came out. Steve would never give up on Danny.”
Ben
was still sputtering his indignation though and neither of them ever heard
McGarrett’s office door open. Chin
joined them in the outer office just in time to catch the end of Jenny’s
retort.
“Calm
down, Ben. Jenny is right. Steve’s not giving
up on Danny. It’s only going to seem
like he is.”
Thoroughly
confused, Kokua stared at Chin. Kelly patiently explained that if it looked
like no one was working on Dan's disappearance it could possibly serve a double
purpose. The first one being that the
heat McGarrett was under to get Five-O back to normal would dissipate. The second purpose, and in Chin’s mind the
idea that he felt Steve was hinging the decision on, was the hope that letting
the case die would smoke out whoever had Williams and make both the perpetrator
and Dan easier to find.
Mollified,
Ben admitted that he had never thought of either angle. But he still
expressed hurt that they were off the case.
Chin calmly reminded him that no one could comment on what they did during their time off.
Excited
once again, Ben was encouraged. “Well
then, what are we waiting for?” He
picked up a stack of folders and handed a few to Kelly. “The sooner we get these solved, the more
‘free time’ we will have.”
“You
got it, Bruddah.”
The two detectives
headed off to their offices. Jenny
turned to resume her duties but not before yet another glance towards the now
darkened cubicle.
*******
For the remainder of
the afternoon, McGarrett remained in his office. Leaving work early was something he had never
even considered doing. Yet now
mindlessly staring at reports he was supposed to be completing, leaving was the
only thing on his mind. How soon could
he realistically head out of the office without causing suspicion? He had finally decided that departing once
most of the office staff had left would be appropriate.
As he headed out the door he noticed that Chin was still in his office. The detective glanced at the boss and then at
the clock. McGarrett was momentarily worried that he would need to come up with a
plausible reason for leaving and he regretted the web of lies he was
spinning. The reason for the lies moved
to the forefront of his mind and some of his remorse at the deceit instantly
went away. Danno. His needs and what was best
for him came first now. That was
all there was to it.
“Good luck,
Steve. We all hope you find something
soon.”
McGarrett
found he could not answer. So he hurried out the door anxious to get to Malone’s house
and relieve Duke. McGarrett was almost to the house when he realized that there had been a stop he had wanted to make. He turned back and drove to Dan’s
apartment.
He
looked around carefully to make sure that there weren’t
any signs of the ever-vigilant press corps around and then quickly entered the
building. Once inside Dan’s place, he
gathered several items that he hoped his friend would soon need, placing them
in a small overnight bag that he located in the bedroom. Then he left the apartment and drove to the
safe house. As he sped towards the house he once again
thought about how incredibly shocking it had been to realize that Duke had
found Danno. He pulled in near the back
of the house and hurried to the door.
Duke opened it and as he shut the door, McGarrett noticed the uptight
expression on the Hawaiian’s face.
“Duke?”
“I’m
not going to lie to you, Steve. It has
been a rough afternoon,” he sighed.
Alarm
filled McGarrett. “How
rough?”
Duke carefully
studied the man he had known and admired for many years. He understood how badly McGarrett needed to
be here but he also wanted to protect him from the horror of watching someone
that he cared about go through the pain involved in kicking an addiction. He had barely been able to watch Danny earlier
and did not want to think about what the night would hold. He knew what the answer would be but felt he
still needed to ask.
“Steve, maybe I
should stay tonight. Maybe you shouldn’t
be here – not yet.”
“I’m staying.”
Lukela
knew better than to attempt to argue with Steve when he had that tone in his
voice. Quietly instead Lukela questioned
the presence of the bag. McGarrett assured that no one had seen him get it and
that some of the items would be necessary soon.
Duke
spied the pajamas that Steve had tossed into the bag and grabbed them. Making excuses for why he did not need
McGarrett in the room at the moment, he shut the door
and went over by Dan. He got the
clothing on Williams and was grateful that it hid the needle marks and the
abrasions that some type of restraints had left behind. He watched Williams for several minutes,
wondering again if Steve would be able to handle the tremors, cramping and
heaving that he had witnessed for the entire afternoon. Finally he left the
room and went to Steve asking if there was anything he wanted to know before
Lukela left.
McGarrett
shook his head. The only thing he wanted
to know was how to make this go away as fast as possible but he knew there was
no answer to that.
Duke
thought about offering advice on how best to handle watching Dan without
getting too emotionally involved. He didn’t because he knew that he would be the last person to
give that advice because of how he felt since he had first realized what
happened to Dan. Also
he knew that McGarrett was already emotionally involved simply because of how
close the two officers were. He decided
he simply needed to leave and get away from what he had come to think of as the
house of pain.
*******
Wiping the errant
tears from his face -- not even realizing he had been crying, McGarrett leaned
his head on the bed, as he sat on the floor, always keeping a hand on Dan’s
trembling form. Fiercely territorial and
defensive now, after three arduous nights, McGarrett constantly assured he was not
leaving. Even if he thought Williams didn’t want to hear it, when he thought Dan was conscious,
he would talk. For days -- and
especially nights -- he had lived in fear of never seeing his friend
again. He made up for it now. After a long, grueling day of pretending and
going through the motions of his life and work, he returned here every night.
The first night had
been the worst. Steve thought back to it
with a shudder of horror, not sure that he fully understood how either of them
had managed to survive it. Danno had
been out of his mind that night, his body wracked with bed shaking shivers and
severe muscle cramps. He had spent most
of that night soaked in sweat, alternating between incoherent mutterings and
demanding that Steve leave, swearing that he did not want McGarrett there
watching him, that he would rather just die.
It hurt at first to listen to the demand. But then Steve had
realized a couple of things. Danno had
virtually no idea what he was saying and, if he did know what
was going on, it was his inherent guilt that was asking Steve to leave. Williams' way of protecting
McGarrett. Categorically
McGarrett had refused to leave and then basically
ignored the demand. He’d
remained at the front of the bed with Dan’s head resting either right next to
him or pulled into his lap depending on the tremors. The tremors – they scared Steve. Their intensity had nearly propelled him to
call Bergman in the fear that Dan was going to die. Slowly though, he had realized that they did
not seem to be as bad when Danny knew that Steve was close by.
Blind! He could not believe that he’d
been so blind! From the first dream, the
first emotion, he now knew that Danno had been trying to reach him. He’d ignored it all
– crediting the dreams to brooding and too much free time on his hands. Why was it so difficult for him to
acknowledge the bond he had with Danno?
He wasn’t sure but knew that it went many years
back. He remembered the time he’d been physically blinded in an explosion. Steve remembered calling to Dan in the
hospital as they wheeled him down the hall on a stretcher. He knew that he had sensed Dan’s presence and
had turned his head towards the feeling.
If he thought hard enough he could still remember the brush of Dan’s arm
as it lay next to his face, as he moved his head to lay
on the arm.
He’d known Danno was nearby many times when he’d been
unconscious as if he’d felt his presence.
Yet when Danny had desperately needed him, he’d
ignored the feeling, the subliminal presence he had felt of his friend reaching
out to him for strength, for help. Now
he sat there and watched Dan’s body shake next to him. Heard him moan occasionally
as the cramps knotted his body.
He might not have been able to completely prevent
this, but he knew that the severity would have been less if he had come back
sooner. Maybe if he had followed the
impressions of his heart instead of acting like the angry, vengeful tiger. If he’d only
listened . . . .
Agonized, remembering
that first night, Steve slowly rose from his position on the floor and wandered
to the opposite side of the room, leaning his head against the wall.
“Steve?”
Williams had hardly
hissed the name and McGarrett was across the room, sitting on the bed, holding
onto his arm. “I’m here, Danno.”
“Don’t leave,” he
whispered.”
His friend was back,
but not in a way McGarrett expected or wanted. Managing to keep the worst of the horrific
realizations at bay, he just concentrated on the moment.
“I won’t.” With a
nod, McGarrett gripped tighter to Williams, who was shivering. “I’m here.”
“Sorry.”
“You couldn’t control
this. It’s not your fault.”
Williams nodded. “You’ll hate me. You’ll never -- want to see me again --“
“I will never hate
you. And I’m staying right here.”
“I
wanted more,” he hoarsely confessed.
“When he wanted me to eat or do anything, I did it. I wanted more. You have to hate me.” He curled against McGarrett, who held onto
him. “I hate me.”
Steve could offer no
response but quiet, unsteady insistence that this was not Dan’s fault. Holding onto his friend, he felt tears return
and he allowed them to roll down his face -- too distraught to try and fight the inevitable emotional backlash of endless days
of fear and stress.
“I tried to call for
help.”
The
comment confused him. “What do you mean,
Danno?”
“He kept coming at me
with the needle. I tried to fight, but I
couldn’t.”
McGarrett couldn’t speak past the emotional tightness in his
chest. The abrasions on Dan’s wrists and
ankles were still vividly clear, testifying to the harsh restraints. It made him sick to think about it, so he
avoided that when he could.
“I called to you, but
you couldn’t hear.”
Steve cringed,
knowing that was a lie. He DID hear and
he would never forgive himself for ignoring his instincts and not returning to
“I need you. I’m never as strong without you.”
Swallowing a sob,
Steve allowed the tears to continue trickling down his face. “You are the strongest person I know. I’m the one who needs you.”
Dan shook his head in
silent denial. “Then you won’t leave?”
“I
won’t leave.”
Steve
stayed rooted in place until the tremors eased infinitesimally and Dan appeared
to quiet down. Steve knew he wasn’t honestly sleeping yet but the periods of time when
Williams was quiet caused him to hope that normalcy would soon return to both
of their lives. Still not comfortable
with leaving Dan alone because of the withdrawal but more the fear that this
was all some horrible dream, Steve slipped off the bed and onto the floor,
intent on remaining close for the rest of the night.
“Cold.”
Still on the floor
next to the bed, McGarrett woke from his doze and covered him with a
blanket. Williams’ tremors kept him on
guard at first, but soon he recognized them as common and his mind slipped away
into much needed sleep.
Now that Danno was
back, a huge release settled over McGarrett and he could gradually let go of
the fear. There remained the heartbreak
and the agonizing trepidation of the future; he held onto the anger and hate
against the perpetrator, but the overwhelming relief of Dan’s return
overshadowed everything else.
Physically, Williams
slowly improved over the course of the next few days. He vacillated from cold to hot, from shame to
want. McGarrett was there as much as
possible, helping
him sit up, forcing him to drink water and eat. Dehydrated and undernourished, McGarrett
worked at restoring his health when he didn’t want to
do anything. Steve thought they should
have called in Bergman, but he couldn’t trust the
doctor to keep this a complete secret. Bergman
would probably insist they take Danno to a hospital and maybe they should. Yet, this way they were salvaging something
for the future -- believing there was an end to the pain and suffering. The more people who knew, the more risk of
discovery and the end of Williams’ life as he once
knew it.
*******
McGarrett slowly
walked into the office, aware of nothing but how extremely tired he was.
Jenny looked up at
the boss’ entrance and nearly gasped in shock.
No matter how much stress he’d ever been under
she could never remember seeing him look this haggard.
Already at his desk,
Chin glanced up. He also was not very
happy with McGarrett’s appearance and this morning he intended to act on the
displeasure. After a minute, he followed
Steve into the office, intent on convincing him to publicly
reopen the disappearance case.
Not in the mood for
what he saw as an insurrection, Steve had abruptly declared that the case was closed and that was final. Unable to concentrate, he
added to the web of lies and deceit he had begun and told Jenny that he wasn’t feeling well and intended to nap on the couch in his
office. Steve lay down and somehow
managed to force thoughts of Williams and the awful nights he was spending at
his side from his mind. He soon fell
into the deepest sleep he had experienced in several days, waking only when
Jenny had entered to tell him that Ben and Chin were both
headed back to the office with several updates on their current
cases. She had brought him a fresh cup
of coffee and a piece of cake that he had noticed earlier. He rose and thanked her, knowing that he
would have to at least pretend to be alert and
interested in what his detectives were currently involved in.
*******
Duke
kept a careful watch for McGarrett. He
had to catch him as soon as he came into the house. He knew without question that Steve was
intending on staying the whole weekend with Dan. Lukela would have to convince him that wasn’t possible. It
would be like attaching
He
barely heard the car door slam.
McGarrett was in the house before Duke had a chance to completely plan out his argument.
He was staring, surprised to see Lukela not near the room that Williams
occupied. Hesitantly Lukela explained
that he felt there needed to be a change in arrangements for the weekend;
McGarrett simply could not stay here, at least by himself, with Dan. Duke did not feel that Steve would be safe.
Incredulous,
the boss scoffed at the thought. He
could think of any number of ways he’d get hurt or
killed before he thought Williams would cause such action. Instantly Lukela reminded that
this was NOT the Williams that they knew so well, not yet anyway. McGarrett then reminded Danny had, for the most part, been weaker than a newborn. He didn’t mention
the previous night when there had been the brief return to lucidity and Steve
had been able to talk to Dan for the first time. He had decided at the time that the brief
conversations he had shared with his friend would be kept
between the two of them.
“Well weak is not a
word I would use to describe him today.”
Lukela was careful to
keep the words he would use to himself knowing that sharing them would only
upset McGarrett. A crash was heard down the hall and Steve started to move down
there. Duke grabbed his arm to pull him
back.
“Leave him be,
Steve.”
“It sounds like he
got hurt.”
“No, he probably just
threw something again. He’s been have a
bit of a temper tantrum today.”
McGarrett was aghast.
“His
body is craving the drug, Steve. And he’s willing to do nearly anything to get some. Right now, we need to just keep him isolated
and where he can’t hurt anyone, including
himself. I’ll stay here with him for
now.”
Steve promptly
refused. He had promised Dan that he
would not leave him. It was a promise he intended to fulfill. It took some discussion but Duke eventually
left. It wasn’t
that he was trying to keep McGarrett away.
He hoped Steve understood that Duke’s underlying motive was to protect
him as much as possible from seeing Dan go through the worst of the withdrawal
symptoms. He was sure that the grief
McGarrett would feel would leave a lasting mark on him. Eliciting a promise from the boss to call if
Dan became belligerent in any way, Lukela left.
As soon as McGarrett
knew that Duke was gone, he went down to the closed door. A few moments indecision precipitated his
opening the door and walking in the room.
Although he had no doubt that Duke had told him the truth about what had
been happening during the day, he was still surprised to see Dan actually out
of bed and standing. Elation sparked
inside him. Dan was leaning against the
wall on the other side of the room.
“Danno –“
Instead of responding
or even acknowledging, Dan appeared to press heavier into the wall as if he was
trying to disappear. Still too fresh
recollections of the past several nights leaped into McGarrett’s exhausted mind. He no longer knew which part of his life was
rougher – during the day when he had to act as if nothing had changed and that
business at Five-O had returned to normal.
Or at night when he came here and watched with
an aching heart the constant tremors and chills that wracked his friend’s body,
heard drug induced musings mingled with hardly any lucid comments. He took a few steps towards Dan intent on
moving him back to the bed before he collapsed.
As McGarrett reached out a hand, Williams slapped it away. Steve took a quick step back.
“Why do you keep
coming back? Is this freak show that
amusing for you?”
Steve winced but
chose not to answer either question. He
chose instead to concentrate on the fact that the speech was very clear albeit
slow.
“Would you go away if
I told you I didn’t want you here?”
“I’ve told you
several times that I won’t leave. I will
not let you go through this alone, Danno.”
McGarrett’s jaw tensed and his face twitched a little as he worked at
controlling his temper. The first night
he had to constantly remind himself that the figure on the bed was not the Dan
Williams he knew, that the comments that had been said that
night were made by the drugs not his friend. He’d thought they
were past that stage. Now he
knew that he’d been wrong. They’d simply
entered a different phase of the ordeal.
Dan turned to face
him, still leaning against the wall.
Lifeless blue eyes raised to look at McGarrett.
“You know where the
stuff is kept at HPD. Why won’t you get
me some?”
Steve was
shocked. He had not expected this and
had to struggle to not explosively react to the
request.
“Just enough to take the edge off. Then I’ll stop. OK?”
“No, Danno, I’m not
going to do that.”
“But you said you’re
my friend.”
“I am.”
“Then help me!”
“I WILL NOT GET YOU
MORE DRUGS!”
Dan pushed himself
away from the wall and started for the door.
Operating on emotion and gut reaction, Steve turned and locked it,
quickly grabbing a nearby chair and jamming it under the knob. Dan growled in frustration as he realized he was trapped. He eyed
the other man.
“You’re not my
friend.”
Trying not to react,
Steve started the thought pattern that had become his mantra the last days.
‘It’s not Danno; it’s the drugs.’
Over and over he thought the words until they
were the only things in his mind.
Logically he knew he understood the damage that had
been done to Dan. Emotionally he
could scarcely handle it.
“I’m your friend,
Danno.” He could not say more. The words
simply would not move past the lump in his throat.
*******
For hours, Steve
watched Dan continue to pace like a caged, trapped animal. He wondered what was keeping him on his feet
much less moving considering how weak he’d been. He observed as Dan stopped near the bed and
leaned on it, nearly doubling over. A
small part of him wondered if this was a trick to get him to move away from the
door so that Williams could escape. When
he noticed sweat bead on Dan’s forehead, he decided that it was the real thing
and took a couple of steps forward. He
touched Dan’s arm lightly.
“Danno, what is it?”
Dan’s knees buckled
under him and Steve caught him before he could fall to the floor.
“I can’t – do this –
anymore. Forget me, please – just leave
me, Steve.”
“Never. I’m never going to
leave you.”
McGarrett
sank to the floor under the emotional barrage of Dan’s words. He brought Williams down with him and ended
up leaning against the bed holding on to his friend, feeling the tremors once
again attack the body. He chose not to
speak anymore but to simply hold onto his friend.
“It…hurts – Steve.”
The quiet whisper was
tight as the body alternately twitched with muscle spasms and cramps or simply
shook. Steve found he could not answer
so he simply pressed his friend’s head closer to his heart and held Danny even
tighter. It was going to be a very long
weekend.
*******
Steve McGarrett stood
at the railing of the lanai outside his office.
He stared out at the late afternoon skyline, trying to reconcile himself
with what he had to do next. Off and on he’d been out on the lanai all morning. Then he had been trying to motivate himself
to work after an incredibly rough weekend.
Now he was trying to gather the strength he needed to leave the office
to perform a duty he now hated with a passion.
Babysitting a recovering drug addict.
As soon as the
thought entered his mind he tried to force it out, appalled that he even had it
in the first place. But
he found he could not force it from his mind.
Dread consumed him. He had been
so worried, so guilt ridden and now he so hated what he saw in Danno each
evening. While he still completely
realized that none of it was Williams’ fault, he worried that he was coming to
hate his friend because of what he had been through; what he was going
through.
He inhaled deeply,
exhaling slowly. The weekend with Danno
had been extremely rough. His second in
command’s behavior had run the gamut between
weak as a kitten to extremely
nervously uptight as he fought his body’s need for the drug. Dan’s incoherent state and physical trembling
had nearly broken his heart, fostering a sense
of pity inside him that he did
not think he possessed. But the near mad man he had seen this weekend had sickened
him to a certain extent. He hoped the
ordeal would soon be over because he really did not know how much more he could
take.
*******
On the drive out to
the house, McGarrett realized his fists were tensely strangling the steering
wheel of the Mercury. Disconcerted at
the subconscious exhibit of nerves, he sorted through his confused feelings,
knowing it was imperative to have a grip on his emotions before he reached
The trials of this
ordeal strained him on numerous levels.
He couldn’t rank them in any order, or list the
emotions that cascaded through him as he approached the safe house every
evening -- or when he concealed the secret from the rest of the world.
From one perspective,
it was strange that he had so adamantly fallen into support of this insane
scheme. An innate caregiver was not in
his nature. Inclined to action, it was
alien to pause too long at any point.
While the recovery of Williams was not in stasis, progress was so slow
as to be immeasurable at times.
Frequently, they took a few steps forward, then dishearteningly seemed
to take a few in reverse.
Adversely, he
combatively battled Duke to be the prime nurturer/accountable-protector. Ultimately, he backed down only to Duke’s experience and logic, otherwise he would have been
there twenty-four hours a day. Instead
of seeming against his nature the stubborn role of
answerable friend made perfect sense. He
loved Danno. More than he loved his own
family it seemed sometimes. Not a shocking
revelation when considered in context.
He understood it completely.
In the Navy, he had
heard this kind of relationship referred to as brothers-by-choice. Men,
bonded together, already within the brotherhood of
unity -- Navy/combat -- serving together in dangerous situations. They
sometimes found a friend beyond the normal camaraderie of the service. A kindred soul. Personalities might differ, but they
discovered a commonality deeper than words or definition or reasonable
comprehension. It was a phenomenon he
had never experienced, but had seen happen.
He wondered if that
invisible connection had been the subliminal thread that linked him to Danno
during the worst of the drug attacks. It
seemed as rational as any other explanation.
That profound bond
brought him out here every night. With that treasured relationship now also came the utmost pain
from the horrible agony his friend suffered.
The anger at the attack, the frustration at the
helplessness. The sorrow of the
physical and mental torment Danno suffered.
*******
As soon as McGarrett
entered the house, he heard the cries from the back. Danno’s cries. Scooting past the dogs who nervously vied for
sympathy or comfort from him, he raced to the rear of the house. Rushing into the back bedroom, he opened the
door as Williams pleaded for help.
“ -- just one! All I want
is one hit, Duke and then I’ll be fine! Just one!”
Duke, solid and
staunch, leaned against the wall like a statue.
No expression.
No surrender.
No sympathy.
Dan sat on the bed,
his head in his hands.
Steve
exchanged a glance with Lukela. In
Duke’s brown eyes, he saw a flash of pity and some emotion so deep Steve could
not define it. Then with a nod, the
Sergeant stepped past him and out of the room.
Steve took a last look at Williams, then
followed out to the hall, closing the door behind him. Weary from the double-duty
of running Five-0 during the day and care-taking Williams at night, Steve was
continually fatigued. But
it was the emotional toll that buried him now with a soul-penetrating
exhaustion that seemed endless.
Duke sighed
gratefully. “His resistance is almost
gone, but there are little flashes of his desperate need for the drug.”
Nodding in
understanding, Steve quietly entered and closed and
locked the door behind him. They were
close to the end, yet every minute seemed so agonizing; it was hard to see a
finish to the trial.
Dan was shaking and
miserable and he prayed Duke was right -- that this was the final stage. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Dan,
to assure him it was all right as he had a hundred
times this week. He longed to offer
solace and promises for both of them, but there was nothing left but
words. And they
were a useless shield against the agonizing pain -- the physical agony for Dan
and the emotional ache for Steve.
From horrific
experiences of the last few days, he knew this low was a desperate mood and
Dan’s drug desire overpowered everything.
Wary of what futile fight might be left in Dan;
encouraged that they were nearing the conclusion, Steve flopped down onto the
end of the bed.
“Steve?”
the suffering younger man whispered.
“Yeah.” McGarrett gripped
onto his arm. “I’m here. Hold on, Danno. We’re almost through
this. I told you we would make it.”
Williams fell over,
dropping against McGarrett and clutching onto him, shaking. Steve returned the
embrace, again conflicted with pity, regret and hot anger. His defenses crumbled and he leaned back
against the wall, holding his friend, hoping this would be the turning
point.
Dan’s arms
burrowed under his jacket. Beyond words or more vows, Steve patted the
trembling shoulders, leaned his head atop Dan’s, who was still running a
fever. Never a hugging, physically
demonstrative person, Steve accepted such needy closeness without
question. It was appropriate and
necessary in his circumstance and if he would ever let down his shields for
anyone, it would be Dan. Content that
this was part of the healing process, Steve drifted into a light doze.
His exhausted
subconscious alerted him to danger. When
he snapped his eyes open, his mind was slightly sluggish, but assessed the
situation instantly. Dan was still
leaning against him. The jingle of keys
made him realize Dan had picked his pocket!
Steve clamped a hand on his friend’s wrist and stared down the desperate
look on Dan’s face.
“You’re not going
anywhere.”
“I have to,” Williams
pleaded, without conviction or strength, just misery.
Williams shifted to
twist out of the hold, but had no strength compared to McGarrett. Steve buried the pity he felt and pried Dan’s
hand away.
“No --”
The sneak attack
angered Steve and pushed away the sympathy.
No rest, no patience, blocked the emotions -- fury and shame surfaced
easily. “You’re not going to run away. You’re not doing anything to ruin all the
work we’ve put into helping you!”
Looking like a
cornered, hunted animal, Dan slipped a hand free and grabbed onto the revolver
in McGarrett’s shoulder holster.
The reaction was
instinctive. Before Steve’s mind could
sort through options, he only envisioned the terrible possibilities of Williams
with a weapon. Instantaneously, he
slugged Dan, sending him sprawling onto the ground, his head smacking with a
thud on the hardwood floor.
“Danno!”
Overwhelmingly
contrite, Steve knelt on the floor next to his unconscious friend. He called to him, shook his shoulder, gently patted his face.
Pushing aside the heavy guilt and regret, Steve moved into necessary
actions. Leaving the room, he shed his
jacket, shoulder holster, and keys. He
returned with a towel packed with ice.
Lifting Williams onto the bed, he checked the pupils and the side of his
head. There was a knot already swelling
there, but no broken skin and the pupils seemed normal -- at least the same as
they had been all week -- no sign of concussion. Still concerned and remorseful, Steve sat on
the floor, holding the cold pack to the injury.
He
couldn’t believe he had struck out against his
friend! It had not been an impulse, he
was afraid, darkly seeking out the deepest pockets and grottos of his
mind. Lately, he dreaded coming here to
this house. He hated facing his altered
friend and the nightly duty of hovering over a drug addict. Resentment. How could he feel that way about Danno? Was he so hypocritical that
he vowed undying support and allegiance, but in his heart abhorred his closest
friend? Was this punch a
reflection of his built up frustration and anger? How could he, under any
circumstances, take it out on Danno?
Reaching a new definition of misery and doubt, he sat there, staring at
his friend, trying to believe they could get out of this intact. Was his effort to save Dan’s reputation going
to destroy his credibility with Dan?
Would his friend hate him after all this pain?
Williams moaned. “What happened?”
McGarrett’s throat
was dry. “You don’t remember?”
“Do I want to?”
Almost a touch
of the old humor. That was harder to take than flat-out anger
or pleading. “No,” he quietly
responded. Steve took a deep breath. “I hit you.”
Wincing, Dan tenderly
touched his jaw, then the back of his head.
“You pack a real punch, Steve. I
must have deserved it.”
“You didn’t,” he assured with clipped certainty. “You don’t deserve any of this. I lost control. I’m sorry.”
Dan opened his eyes
and for the first time in this nightmarish experience, his gaze was lucid, his
blue eyes clear and soberly grim. The
look was unnerving to Steve, who became warily guarded.
“I’ve pushed you too
far,” Dan sighed with a shudder, almost catching a sob that made his voice
hoarse. “You and Duke need to turn me
in. You don’t
need to go through this. I’m not worth
it.”
It
would have been easy to lash out in instant, hot fury to counter the
self-pitying comments. But this was different than the pain-wracked misery Danno
had suffered through before. This was
clear, noble and honest concern for his friends. Steve winced at the stab of heartache lancing
through his soul. After a long moment,
he gathered his thoughts, skirted around the emotions that could drown him, and
responded to the heart of the issue.
“You are worth it, my
friend. And we’ve invested too much to
stop --“
“That’s what I mean,”
Dan countered with more force than he’d shown during
this whole nasty escapade. “No one
should have to go through this. Not you. Not
Duke.” Tears rolled down his face and he
self-consciously wiped them away. “Especially not you.
I don’t want you to think of me like this. Friends shouldn’t have to go through this
kind of sacrifice.”
A heated rebuttal
flashed in and out of his mind, but Steve thought about the overwhelming
refuting evidence to the contrary. How
did he even begin to comment on what Dan’s friendship meant to him? It was not something he thought about or even
defined under normal experiences.
Only in a crisis did he hit the
emotional highs and the overt extremes brought on by danger to his friend. Only then did he fully understand what friendship meant or what it might mean losing that
friend.
It was easy to
recollect the seemingly endless hours spent at the office;
when everyone went home and only Dan remained with him. The talks, the plots, the
thinking and plodding through evidence and scenarios and possibilities. Losing sleep, destroying
their social lives together.
Without realizing it,
he made the transition to speaking aloud.
Mentioning the generalizations of memories, then
softly whispering disjointed incidents.
Times when he awoke in the hospital to find an
exhausted and loyal Williams sitting at his side. The anxious expression always lifting once
the younger man was assured the boss was okay. He came to expect and appreciate the
defensive/protectiveness Danno displayed, for instance, when he came to
retrieve him from the hospital, solicitously making sure he was
taken care of -- from the little things like medication and food, to the
constant updates on cases. With undying
energy, Williams juggled attention to McGarrett, and running Five-0 with total
commitment.
Steve couldn’t count the times he was at an emotional and physical
low and Danno was there with his corny humor and indefatigable pep-talks -- or
just his presence -- to see the crisis through.
It was encouraging
that Williams blushed from the generous praise.
“I just try and help you,” he simply explained. “It’s hard.
You never ask for help. You never
seem to want it. But sometimes you need
it.”
The stunning insight
nearly took his breath away. How could he respond? After days of Williams incoherent, difficult,
Steve was rocked at the clarity and honesty now
pouring out of his friend. These were intimate secrets that would never come out under any
other crisis. Occasionally, he was
struck by profound examples of how bonded they were -- as close as
brothers. Knowing each
other so well.
“You’re the one who
needs help now,” Steve finally answered in a rough voice. “And I’ll be here for you till this is over.”
Dan nodded. “If you’re here,
then I think we might make it, Steve.”
“I
know we will.”
*******
The
next morning Duke entered and found the boss in the kitchen making a pot of
coffee. McGarrett looked exhausted – a
fact that Lukela refrained from pointing out.
He had other things on his mind.
“We’re coming down to
the end.” Duke nodded toward the
room. “It’s going to be over soon,
Steve.” He stared at the leader. “Then what are we going to do?”
“I’ve
been thinking about that,” McGarrett admitted.
A groan from the bedroom alerted him.
“We’ll talk later.”
He left Duke then to
get some coffee from the kitchen as he went back into the room to check on
Dan. He sat down on the side of the bed,
pleased to note that the groan hadn’t meant anything.
As he sensed the
added weight on the bed, Dan shifted a little and opened his eyes. He noticed that McGarrett once again wore his
tie, shoulder holster and jacket.
“Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, Danno. You won’t be alone. Duke’s in the kitchen.
He’ll be with you all day and I’ll be back tonight.” He nodded his head to stress the thought that
he would be back, to make sure that Dan understood. “Try and get some sleep, OK?”
“What about you? Don’t think you slept at all last night.”
“You need to worry
more about yourself and less about me, my friend.” McGarrett’s eyebrow went up. “Besides, I’m fine.” Reaching out he squeezed Dan’s shoulder
before standing and moving to the door.
“Steve?”
“Yeah?”
“Be careful.”
*******
When McGarrett entered
the room, that evening, Duke was reading a magazine. Williams was asleep. Duke steered Steve out to the hall.
“He’s
had a decent sleep. In fact he’s slept for most of the
day. I think we’ve turned the corner. Just let him rest.”
Returning to the room,
McGarrett sat down and watched Williams sleep.
He had decided not to tell Duke that the reason behind Dan sleeping the
whole day was because they had been awake almost the
entire time the night before talking. In
fact, he had never told Duke about any of his conversations with Williams, the
coherent or incoherent ones. He had
earlier decided that those moments would be kept
between him and his friend.
The slight sound of
snoring; no sweating, no shakes, made it all seem normal. Maybe this was the end and the worst was
finally behind them. Then they were
ready for the next phase. Looking at his
thin, haggard friend, he again questioned if this had been right. Did they endanger his health doing this on
their own? Now that they were about to
come to a finish, he believed they did what was right.
It
was dark outside when McGarrett opened his eyes from a light sleep. What was different? The small beside lamp had
been turned up from a dim setting to full brightness. Dan was sitting up, watching him.
“Hi.”
Williams offered with a faint smile.
There was a focus and spark in the blue eyes that had been absent for a
long time and made Steve’s heart leap.
“Hi.”
“I hope you got some
rest. You need it. I think you look as bad as I feel.”
Steve grinned -- the
first time he’d done that in what seemed forever. A typical Williams
jibe.
The levity faded
quickly as Steve assessed his friend.
Danno was so washed out. And the bruise on
his jaw was an ugly reminder of what Steve had been forced to do during this
terrible trial. It was almost over, he
repeated to himself. This would soon be
behind them.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m starved.”
McGarrett
chuckled, unsure if that was the truth -- though it probably was -- or just an
attempt to lighten things up again. It was encouraging that Dan even cared about
humor. Another solid sign he was
returning from the abyss of darkness where he had dwelled for so long. “That’s
great to hear, Danno. I’ll
fix you something. What sounds good?”
“I
don’t know. Anything but that mushy cereal Duke keeps bringing me. You need to give him cooking lessons.”
“Okay. I’ll bring you some
--“
“No. I’d like to go out
to the kitchen or something. Let me
shower first so I can feel human again.”
Nodding, Steve
understood the need to make a break from the stigma of illness -- to act
independently. He often felt that way
during recovery. Sitting up, leaving the
bed, dressing in regular clothes -- those were small steps following tedious
recuperation.
“Fine.” McGarrett moved to
the closet and brought out Dan’s overnight bag he had picked up from the
apartment -- what seemed like an eternity ago when this started. He had brought it over in the anticipation of
this time when Danno would be through with the confinement. As he handed the bag to his friend, he
hesitated, unsure what else to say. “Are
you ready for this?”
“Yeah.” Dan’s eyes
penetrated his with meaning -- with a confidence that had been absent in this
long ordeal. “I’ll be fine.”
Steve
patted his shoulders, breathing out a relieved sigh. “I know you will.”
“Mahalo. For
everything, Steve. I can’t thank you enough.
Or pay you and Duke back for all you’ve done --“
“You just have,” Steve countered unsteadily, his eyes stinging. “You already have.”
He quickly left the
room, moving to the kitchen. His dual purpose of giving Dan some space and preparing a meal. Underneath it all
was the need to gather his thoughts and rampant emotions. His friend was finally fully back.
Later, the two
continued what seemed to be the newly established pattern of talking far into
the night. This time the topic was more
awkward than their previous emotional revelations. Unable to wait any longer, McGarrett needed
to know what Williams remembered about his nightmare kidnapping and the person
who was now at the top of his personal most wanted list.
“Can’t you remember
anything?
Clearly uncomfortable
with the question, Dan mutely nodded.
This was difficult
for both of them, but Steve could not contain his anxiety to find answers. This was what he did -- who he was -- he
investigated crimes. There could be
nothing more personal than this vicious, criminal act against his friend. And he had to
know. Had to find the
evil perpetrator who had done this.
“Danno, you know the
sooner we know the better our chances of getting this guy.”
Williams nodded
again.
There
were times he hated what he had to do in the name of justice. This was certainly one of those
instances. His -- and Dan’s -- only
consolation -- after all this suffering, they WOULD find the bad guy and make him pay.
“Anything you can
give me, Danno. Was he big? Hawaiian? Haole?”
Sitting on the bed,
leaning against the wall, Williams’ eyes focused out the window to the banana
trees in the back yard. “His hands were
dark. Maybe Pacific
Islander. Not big,” Williams
hesitantly began, his voice dry and cracking. He thought again in silent contemplation.
“And he wore two-tone brown and white loafers.
They were awful.”
The tone twisted with
familiar Williams wryness and McGarrett smiled
encouragingly. “Good, Danno. That’s
something. Anything
else?”
Williams visibly
shivered. “He always came out of the
shadows. All I clearly remember was the
needle.”
Calling forth all his
strained patience, McGarrett patted his arm.
That was enough for now.
Danny glanced at
Steve. “So when are we getting out of
here? Going back to civilization?”
“Not yet,” the curt
reply.
“Steve…”
“We need to have the
details worked out first, Danno. Can’t just go dropping you back in like nothing has
happened. Your disappearance has been
too public, too newsworthy. We need a
plausible cover story. Then the right scenario.
If you just show up one day…”
“But why not that? I
just show up and there’s no way to trace where I’ve been or what’s happened.”
“Because whoever did
this is still out there.“ Steve glanced over at Dan’s arms, at what he
tried so hard to not acknowledge. “And there’s still the evidence of what
happened all over you.” His voice was
hoarse, emotion seeping into it.
Dan grew quiet, not
wanting to push Steve, not really wanting to head where the discussion was
suddenly going. McGarrett appeared to
recover some semblance of composure first.
“It won’t be too much longer, Danno.”
********
McGarrett rolled the
last of the sushi and placed it on the platter.
With quick slashes he sliced the ahi roll into
bite-sized discs and arranged them on a plate with the sashimi. He didn’t have much
time to cook, and when he did he felt presentation was as much a part of the
meal as the food.
Not that it would
matter. Dan, leaning elbows on the
table, still had a fluctuating appetite.
He was far too thin and looked like a war refuge with dark circles under
his eyes and skin pale. At least he was
eating.
“Food’s
ready.”
Dan’s vacant stare broke and he turned to eye the platter of fresh fish. “Look’s great.” His tone did not reflect the words, but he started eating. He hated to badger but felt he had to bring up the subject again.
“Steve, when are we
going to end this?”
McGarrett
automatically glanced at the red, worn skin on Dan’s wrists, then the needle pocks
still visible on the arms. Tightly, he responded, “When I think you’re
ready.”
Williams looked at
him with a steady gaze. The focus was
back. The spark of life was consistently
there every day now. The quality of his
health was still an issue and Steve was reluctant to release his patient. Once away from this safe-house,
Danno was subject to the scrutiny of the press, Doc Bergman, and the rest of
the staff. Missing over three weeks,
there were a lot of questions to answer. McGarrett had a plan and a scenario worked
out, but timing was important. Not to mention his over-protective tendencies.
“I’m ready. Steve, we’ve gone
over the story. I know my lines --“
“Then we wait for the
right moment.”
The dogs, Moe and
Larry, were well trained and waited patiently in the corner of the room. As they did every evening, they expected
scraps at the end of the meal. Larry
suddenly stood up, trotting to the back door and whining.
Always wary,
McGarrett checked through the window, his hand automatically on his
revolver. Through the open window in the
door, he heard Ben’s voice coming over the radio in his car parked in the
carport. The words were not all distinct,
but he did hear something about Danno --
“Did he say Sammo?”
Williams asked, standing next to him.
“Stay here.”
McGarrett jogged out
to the car and responded to the call.
Ben explained he had a lead on Danny and his captor at the old fish market
off of
“I’m coming,” Dan
insisted as soon as Steve was inside.
McGarrett closed the
door. “No --“
“If this is the guy
--“
“We need the right
timing, Danno or all of this was worthless!” he emphasized, instantly on
edge. “And you are in no condition to go
into a high risk situation!”
“This is the perfect
way for me to be found, Steve! I can
sneak in the back of the fish market or -- or -- something -- “
“No.” Steve grabbed onto the door handle. “You stay here. We’ll think of
something. First, we have to catch this guy and hear his story.
Then we have to mold our story to make sense.” He gripped Dan’s shoulder. “This will be all pau soon, I promise.”
He slipped out the
door and a moment later was racing toward
He’d keep his promise to Danno.
Once Steve had learned why, had extracted payment from this man for what
he had done to Williams, only then would he be able to bring Dan out of the
safe house. Once there was no longer any fear
of…McGarrett found that he could not finish the thought. The fear of losing Dan was a prevalent
thought in his mind. It was a part of
their lives as cops. However, this time
it had been too close, too real, too beyond his control. Maybe that was why he needed to be in such
complete command of bringing Danno back.
*******
Racing
up to Chip Malone’s house, Duke pulled into the empty carport. Steve left? Had he heard the report on the radio about
Kokua possibly finding Danny? When Lukela had heard the transmission, he’d been perplexed; unable to believe that McGarrett had put
a plan into action without notifying him.
Then he had realized that this was Chin and Ben working the case on their own still. He’d raced to the
safe house to notify McGarrett.
He ran into the house
and nearly collided with Williams, who was anxiously standing at the door.
“Steve heard?”
“Yeah, he’s on his
way down there,” Williams responded anxiously.
Duke bit his lip,
indecisive of what he should do. Go to
“Take me down there,”
he demanded of Duke. “It’s almost dark. I can come out of an alley and run into Ben
or Chin and this will all be over.” The
certainty, the confidence, was good to see again and Lukela wanted to believe
him. “It’s time, Duke.”
Danny had unique
strengths and merits often overlooked because he always seemed to be living in
the shadow of the overpowering, attention-magnet of McGarrett. Williams had a stubborn temerity that could
rival Steve’s, too. And
when he was right, he would not back down.
Glad to see those qualities returned after the young man had suffered
for so long, Lukela was swayed.
“All right. I’ll
open the back door, you lay low and I’ll drop you off close to the action. But be careful,
Danny. If anything happens to you after
all this --“
“Nothing will
happen. I’ll be careful.”
Worried
about Steve’s anger over this, Duke still knew this was a good idea, the
perfect time to place Danny back in to the mainstream of life. And Steve -- Steve
would just have to get over his shielding instincts and let this work.
Duke opened the back
door of the squad car. It was almost
dark, no neighbors could see the rear of the car from this angle, but he
watched carefully just in case. Danny
ran over and ducked in the vehicle. Duke
returned to lock up the house, smiling to see Moe and Larry were already
helping themselves to sushi.
*******
When Duke opened the
door again, Dan slipped out. He didn’t recognize the alley, but the smell slammed into his
senses like a tsunami. It brought back
clearly etched fear; vague, sickening, shadowy images -- full sight, sound,
scent reminders of repulsion and illness.
Duke pointed toward a far door and explained that was an abandoned
office building. It was right next to
the fish market.
“Stay out of sight
till we come looking for you, Danny.”
Then Lukela jumped in
the car and left.
Feeling abandoned and
shaky, scared and now less confident of his former convictions about this whole
plot, Williams leaned against the old brick wall, hidden in the shadows.
He should have
changed his shirt. Dressed in his usual
clothes; jeans, deck shoes, Aloha shirt – he was a dead
give-away that he had not been held here the whole time! What about his suit? He couldn’t even
remember what he had been wearing when he was nabbed. Little details like this could unravel the
whole plan. Maybe he should find Duke
and try and sneak back to Malone’s house? No, that was too risky.
Through the echo of
the narrow walkways he could hear shouts, sirens. Colleagues and friends were close. This was the ending. All he had to do was stay here
and hide and wait for rescue.
Staring
at a rickety, wooden door at the next building, Dan walked toward it,
indistinct memories filtering into his mind.
Shadowed, half-recollections mingled with the reality. Smells and sounds
and the gritty feel of the air made him choke with revulsion. His senses were still reeling even though his
mind could not piece everything together.
This
was where he had been a prisoner, he was certain!
Opening the creaking
door, he stepped into a dusty, stuffy old office that reeked of fish. Pulled by a subliminal need to find the
missing past, he trudged forward. He
nearly gagged, remembering the feel here.
Instinctively, he plodded along a hallway and noted from the moonlight
shining through the roof peppered with holes, saw that there were footmarks in
the dusty floor. He had escaped this
way! Focused only on reclaiming part of
his memory, he followed the footprints to another hall.
This corridor was steeped in darkness, no light penetrating. He could not go down there -- his feet would
not move. Flashes of images pierced into
his mind: a cot, handcuffs, the pain -- the needles --
Gunshots echoed
somewhere to his left and jumping, heart racing, he pressed against the old
wood, hiding in the shadows. He thought
he heard Steve’s voice shouting orders, but couldn’t
understand the words.
Running footfalls
approached and Dan held his breath, wondering what he was doing, knowing he was
completely insane to have asked Duke to bring him here! He wasn’t ready for
this! What if the man
who captured him found him again?
Fear made him feel weak.
In
the filtered moonlight, he saw the man approach. Light shone off highly polished shoes. Two tone shoes. This was the monster. Without thought or reason, he jumped out and
tackled the man. Dan had no hope in the
uneven struggle. The man blindly struck
out, punching Williams into the wall.
The blow pushed the air out of his weak body and he fought to
breathe. There were enough trained
instincts left, though, to fight back while he struggled for breath.
Dan kicked out his
feet and tripped the man, then leaped on the man’s back, gripping him in a
tight chokehold. The opponent was chunky
and strong, and easily countered Dan’s quickly fading
energy as he slammed the cop against the wall to knock him loose.
Hanging on, knowing
it meant his life if he failed to subdue the opponent, he determined to keep his
grip even as he ran out of air. They
were going to eliminate each other, he thought as his senses faded. His hold slacked and his enemy slipped
away. The voice – a dreaded, familiar
taunt, told him something – repeated a message – yes, he was going to die.
“I owe you!”
There was the glint
of a needle in the man’s hand – no – a pistol.
No more drugs.
He was going to be shot!
A bobbing light
blurred and as he focused on that everything grew darker. Then he heard the
shouts, the calls. Loud gunshots
reverberated close -- then around him. But it didn’t feel like he got hit. No bullet pain.
Then the lights
slowly faded back in and he recognized he was lying on the dusty floor of the
old building. Flashlight beams danced
around him. He heard filtered voices
that he knew – familiar, tender, friendly tones that warmed him.
“All pau.”
“He tried to shoot
--“
“I know, I saw it all, Ben.”
“There's another --
hey! Is that Danny?”
“Is he okay?”
*******
McGarrett hadn’t thought it was possible to feel panicked dread in any
other form than what he had been feeling the past several weeks. However, his emotions escalated to new levels
yet again when he heard the questions of his officers. Danno was there? No – impossible! He had left him at Malone’s house. Where he’d be
SAFE! Incredulous, he turned to where
Ben and Chin were pointing.
“Danno?”
Williams turned to
the voice, felt Steve’s strong grip on his arms before he made a complete focus
on the near, frightened face of his friend.
The aches subsided, the confusion fled and he waited to breathe again,
this time from apprehension. What was
his friend going to have to say to this near-disaster?
“Are you okay?”
Dan nodded.
“You
hurt?”
He shook his head in
the negative. Someone helped him sit
up. Still dizzy from the rough fight, he
kept leaning, keeling over into McGarrett’s tight hold.
“Sorry –“
“It’s all right,”
McGarrett whispered shakily. “It’s
over.”
Dan nodded, hoping that was an all-inclusive statement about the horrible experience
of recovery, the hiding out, the masquerade, the criminal who had caused all
this pain.
“Can I go home now?”
“I’ll take you right
now,” McGarrett agreed warmly.
“Everything’s going to be okay.”
He virtually had to
pull Dan to his feet. There was a loud
commotion outside. Lukela’s shadow
appeared in the nearby door.
“Reporters are
everywhere out there! Word got out on
the coconut wireless about possibly finding Danny. They all want an exclusive.”
The Hawaiian’s eyes
met McGarrett’s.
Their fear of discovery was now a reality.
********
McGarrett stopped the
Mercury in
front of the apartment building on Kalakaua.
Very little had been said on the drive
over. Thankfully
none of the media hounds had followed them.
Steve killed the engine of the car but was unable to move for a
minute. Finally, he looked over at the
man next to him. Williams was staring
out the window but not really focused on anything. He looked like he was going to try to say
something.
“Steve –“
“No, let’s get you
inside, Danno.”
They
walked up to the apartment in an uneasy silence. Dan kept expecting Steve to explode over his
showing up at
It took until they
reached Dan’s door for either of them to realize that they had never thought of
another thing. Most of Dan’s personal
stuff – wallet, keys, ID – was gone.
Steve knew he still had the Five-O ID locked in a drawer of his desk but
everything else… He opened the door
using the key Danno had given him years earlier. Surprisingly Dan appeared hesitant about
entering. Steve put a hand on his
shoulder, nearly leading him into the room.
Once inside he placed
a quick call to dispatch and obtained a connection to Ben. He then instructed him to search the building
for anything that might be Dan’s and heard from Kokua
that Doc Bergman had just arrived on the scene to supervise the removal of the
criminal’s body. Ben warned that he did
not appear too pleased that Steve had taken Dan home instead of to the hospital
considering he had been missing for so long.
He hung up the phone
& turned to Williams who was now blankly staring out the lanai doors. It took several calls of his name before Dan
turned to face Steve.
“Expect company
soon.”
“Who?” Dan’s voice was
alarmed.
McGarrett approached
and stared at his friend, wondering where the sudden nervousness was coming
from. “Just Doc, Danno. Remember we expected an encounter with him. You ok?”
“Yeah.”
“Come over here and
sit down.” Steve attempted to put a hand
on Dan’s arm and lead him to the couch but Dan shrugged away.
“I’m fine.” This time the reply was
spoken with a little edge in the voice.
“Did you see him?”
McGarrett gave a
terse nod. “Yeah. Cursson. Do you remember him?”
Dan shook his
head. “’I owe you,’ he told me,” Dan whispered. “I remember he said that all the time --“ he shivered --“when -- all the time.”
“I owe you,” Steve
savagely repeated, hot wrath sizzling his nerves.
The revelation of the
perpetrator cracked his resolve and he wanted to weep at the irony. Jeb Cursson, a hard-nosed rancher from the
Aside from the
horrible delays at interpreting the dreams, this really WAS his fault. That truth turned his stomach. What could he say to that? From Danno’s weary, dull look, it didn’t matter now.
The ironies and deep hurts would be dealt with
at some future time.
Taking charge of his
dazed friend, he finally got Williams to sit down on the sofa. They should go over their story -- get all
the details right . . . . No, none of
that mattered now. In this instant, Dan
needed peace. He needed solitude and the
time to search deep down in his shattered soul for the resolve and courage he
would need to see this to the finish. He
had been called on to drain so much valiance away, but
he needed more now. Steve wished he
could do something practical and productive here, but this was something only
Danno could find within himself.
“I’ll keep Bergman
away --“
“No,” Dan sighed,
slowly releasing a held breath. “We have
to face him sometime.”
McGarrett stood
behind him and patted his shoulders. “You really ready for this?”
“No choice.” He looked up, flinching. “I made the decision. I disobeyed your orders and went down to
There were times when
Williams could still seem so young -- like the kid he
was when he first joined Five-0. The
expression now nearly cracked Steve’s own walls of determination and
irritation. Steve’s commitment to finish
this nearly collapsed under the look of tough fortitude on his friend’s pale
face. Dan had been through so much. He was right -- they needed to end this
now. Yet Steve hesitated out of
protection and concern for the pain still to come to his friend.
Accept the
consequences? None of this was his fault, but he had to
rebuild his life after the vengeful criminal tried to destroy it.
“I owe you,” Dan
whispered. “I’m the one who owes you,
Steve. I can’t ever thank you enough for
what you did for me.”
McGarrett couldn’t respond. Too
much emotion clogged his throat and heart.
A knock on Dan’s door
startled them both. Williams
jumped. McGarrett took in a few deep
breaths and wiped his face. Going
towards the door, Steve chose to ignore Dan’s uneasiness.
“He’s getting quicker
as he gets older,” he quipped, pushing away his deeper emotions, as he opened
the door to admit the crusty medical examiner who also served as Five-O’s
official physician. As he
entered the room, Doc didn’t look at either man but
blustered his irritation at the Five-o chief’s blatant ignorance of what should
have been done.
“I
swear you detectives have always felt that accepted medical practices apply to
all but you. HE should have been taken
to the hospital immediately and that’s where he needs to be now!” He pointed at Dan for emphasis.
McGarrett glanced over
at Williams and saw him on his feet, backing up in apprehension at the doctor’s
words. Longing to say something to ease
what he knew Dan was feeling, he instead turned and focused on Bergman. In a clipped tone, he informed the doctor
that he had not felt it necessary to subject Williams to the prying eyes of
hospital staff when no one knew or understood what he had already been through.
“Since you’re here
you could just look at him now in a
place where he feels safe.”
He pierced the doctor
with a glare designed to convey that any other place for an examination was not
an option. His territorial
possessiveness where Williams was concerned of late had once again consumed
him. After years of not acknowledging
the bond he had with his second in command, after his awful failure to realize
what the dreams in
“OK, you’re
right. I could do that however you need
to understand that you can not always have things like this the way you want.”
McGarrett raised his
eyebrow indicating that was most probably up for discussion at
a later time.
Doc turned then and
focused his attention on Williams.
“Danny, why don’t we at least go in your bedroom and I’ll make sure
everything is alright? Unless of course the other doctor in the room has an objection to
that.”
Any other time, Danny
would probably at least have smirked at Steve for the comment and awaited a
sarcastic retort. But
now he was far too nervous about the upcoming exam. He wondered how much
Bergman already knew and would bet it was nothing. How much would the doctor be able to guess
from the marks still on his arms? How
much would he be forced to admit when questioned? The possibility of facing Bergman in this
type of situation was not something that had been planned out
in advance. He silently cursed
himself for showing up at the crime scene the way he had. He was beginning to see that it really had
not been a very good idea.
Dan followed Bergman
into the bedroom without looking back at Steve.
In an effort to ensure some privacy and to express his ire with the
Five-O chief, Doc closed the door with a loud thud.
When he turned, Doc couldn’t help but notice the tension and near fear on the face
of Five-O’s second in command. The
hidden affection he’d always felt for these detectives
surfaced. It was that
affection that had allowed him to defy medical logic and give in to
Steve McGarrett in the first place. It was that affection that he needed to utilize to ease the rampant
emotions in Williams.
“Danny, what happened
to you? You look like you’ve gone and
met the devil himself face to face.”
Dan’s answers to most
of Doc’s questions were monosyllabic.
His body language made it apparent that he really did not want to be
talking to Doc Bergman or even be in the same room with him. Doc chose to ignore most of what he perceived
and concentrated on the obvious physical signs in front of him. Dan had lost weight – not a staggering amount
but enough to be concerned with, at least from his viewpoint. Although not a medical observation, Doc noted
that Williams’ demeanor was that of someone who had narrowly survived a life
and death battle. He needed to ask about
the details – not just for a part of Dan’s medical history, but also because he
was genuinely concerned about his well-being.
However he was not sure how to convince Dan of
that idea.
Bergman tried to get
Dan to talk in more of a conversational tone but Five-O’s second in command was
still wary. Then Doc picked up one of
Dan’s arms and knew why things had been handled at the
crime scene the way McGarrett had handled them.
He looked over the healing needle marks and then carefully studied
Williams. Answers to even his unasked
questions came to him. Gruffly he told
Dan that he wasn’t in as bad a shape as Doc had
thought but that he needed to sleep more and gain some weight. When he was feeling better he would need a
physical at the hospital just to be on the safe side, but he found nothing to
be worried about right now.
At the door he
turned, wanting to say something else but not finding anything to say.
Medically, Dan needed to be in the hospital, should have been there for who
knows how long. Emotionally he’d never be able to handle it. Affection and what was emotionally right for
Williams – and McGarrett also – won out here over
medical practices. The Hippocratic Oath
called for the preservation of life, demanded that, as a doctor, he ensure no
harm come to his patients and that is what had happened, even if it wasn’t via a traditionally accepted, medically sound
route. Traditional boundary lines had been blurred; other lines had been crossed. Bergman wondered at the price that these men
had paid this time. Bergman opened the door
and quietly exited the room, closing the door behind him.
Relieved,
Dan sank onto the bed. Although he knew
that Doc had guessed at what had happened he also believed that Bergman would
not make the information public knowledge.
Williams knew that the conversation that was about to take place between
his boss and Bergman would probably be interesting but he wanted to avoid being
a part of it or even hearing it.
The
adrenaline that had kept him functioning at the crime scene had dissipated and
suddenly he was exhausted. He lay down
intent on only staying there until he heard the door to his apartment close –
the indication that Doc had left.
However, he never heard another sound much less the door.
********
As Bergman closed the
bedroom door, he looked around for the Five-O chief. He finally spied him out on Williams’
lanai. Moving to stand next to him, he didn’t speak for a minute or two. He wasn’t sure how
to voice his thoughts at what McGarrett had done -- what he suspected. It was hard to even put
the suspicions into words. How far would
Steve go to protect Danny? Bergman wasn’t sure there were even limits there and McGarrett
probably would have no boundaries in emotional crises concerning his
protégé. What HAD he done this
time? Bergman wasn’t
sure.
Finally unable to
stand the silence and needing to know what Doc was going to do, McGarrett
glanced his way.
McGarrett moved them
into the apartment and closed the lanai door.
“Well, what is your public statement is going to be?”
“You mean am I going
to mention the drug addiction? That’s patient confidentiality, Steve. For my own personal information, though, I’d
like to know something.”
“What?”
“How long have you
had him hidden and where did you hide him, Steve?”
“Are you going to
ruin everything we tried to protect for him, Doc?”
Bergman’s suppressed
anger spiked. “Do you know how thin he
is? Do you realize how sick he could
have gotten from you doing this on your own without medical assistance?”
“Who are you going to
tell about this?”
McGarrett’s tone had
risen a little with each question. After
all the work that had been put into this subterfuge, to have it all ruined
because Doc might get all-official on them was more
than he could stand. The confrontation was
fraught with accusations that Steve did not intend to loose, but flew at the
physician nonetheless. This was Danno’s
future they were protecting and after all the hardship he would not let it be challenged or threatened by anyone -- not even the
well-meaning Doc.
“I think you know me
better than that, Steve.”
The sigh that escaped
was involuntarily. Relief filled
him. Yet he also knew that there would
probably be a price for the silence.
Bergman looked at the
Five-O head. Even though he only saw
Steve’s profile, he knew that the lines of worry, weariness and dark circles he
saw on the one side of his face were mirrored on the
other.
Thinking back, he
remembered seeing McGarrett in the office nearly all the time over the last
week, although never really early and never late into
the evening as the norm. He knew that
McGarrett had been burning the candle at both ends –
working during the day the way he should and spending evenings, and probably
nights, with Danny. Having experienced
McGarrett’s tenacity and loyalty other times when Williams had been injured,
Doc knew that the Five-O second in command had made it through this incident
with a lot of help from the boss.
“Look Steve, I’m not
going to say anything else – publicly or privately. All I’ll put in his
record is that he needs to rest and gain some weight back. He probably should stay out of the office for
a few days but I’ll leave that up to him. “ He paused for
several seconds. “You know, you could
use some time off too. You could have
called me. Watching what he’s been
through must have been rough.”
Steve didn’t answer and after a few minutes Bergman let himself
out. A short time later, he realized
that he was alone that Dan had never come out of the bedroom. He went to the door and opened it enough to
see his friend sound asleep on the bed.
Steve softly closed the door and went back to the living room.
He sighed as he sat
down, finally acknowledging the physical toll the last several hours had on
him. Privately he admitted that he was
very angry with Dan for showing up at the scene tonight the way he had. He knew at some point it would have to be
addressed but was not sure when. First,
he would need to confront Duke since he knew that Duke had been the one to
bring him there. Before he realized what was happening, Steve fell asleep in
Dan’s living room.
*******
The room was dark when Dan opened his eyes and it took several minutes to focus. Once he realized where he was, he sat up quickly, trying to remember all of the events of the previous evening. He moved to the door and then out into the living room where he stopped. He spied Steve, slightly hunched over but still sitting up, asleep on his sofa. He wondered at how uncomfortable that position had to be as he thought about waking him but decided against it. He sat down in a nearby chair and waited for McGarrett to awaken.
A low moan brought him out of a doze, and Williams eyes snapped open, looking instantly to the couch. McGarrett, who had slumped over at some point of the night, was just sitting up, rubbing his neck, stretching. The faint glow of dawn was visible around the edges of the blinds, casting an aurora of diffused, pink light into the living room. After another sighed groan, the boss leveled his gaze on Williams.
"How are you doing, Danno?"
Apprehension dissipated, and the younger detective realized he had been worried -- about Steve -- no -- yes -- about what Steve would say and do now. The recognition of his unease returned and Williams gave a shrug. With the passing of time, of sleep, concerns of the night before seemed decreased, yet the strain of what McGarrett was thinking and feeling over his actions were still there.
"How are you?" he returned warily. "Steve, it might have been a dumb thing to show up last night --"
"Danno, let's not worry about it now, okay? It's history." He stretched again, finally zeroing a no-nonsense gaze at the younger man. "What time is it?" Glancing at his watch, he gave a quick nod. "After Six. I'm going to fix us some coffee and some food -- if you have any -- then we can talk if you want."
Troubled, Williams followed him into the kitchen. Worries of weightier matters took a back seat to the foraging for breakfast. Most of the goods in the fridge were rotten -- McGarrett muttering that he should have thought to come over -- or had Mrs. Kelly come over -- and clean things out after Dan had been missing for so long. Some toast, coffee and canned pineapple served as their hodge-podge breakfast, with McGarrett vowing for better stores to arrive later in the day.
Assigned to assist, as Dan opened the pineapple can, he requested a summary of what had happened with Bergman. Since he heard no slams, yells or other proof of lost tempers, he felt a little less wary of this subject.
After plugging in the percolator, McGarrett leaned on the counter and gave his friend his full attention. "Everything is fine with Bergman,, Danno. He guessed what happened. He wont' say anything. Eventually he'll want you to have acheck up, but he's onboard with everything."
Dan nodded, but it must not have seemed enough to convince the stubborn Irish cop that concerns were eased. McGarrett reached over and squeezed his arm. "He understands, Danno, don't worry about it. Or anything else this morning, huh? Let's eat. Then you need to rest. I'm going to take care of everything else."
*******
McGarrett was in his
office barking out orders to Kokua and Kelly when there was a slight knock on
his door before it opened to admit Dan Williams. An eyebrow shot up to the hairline but the
eyes smiled a welcome.
“Hello, Danno, back
in the office already?”
“Mornin’, Steve. Only so much down time a person can handle,
you know.”
“But
it’s barely been three days, man,” Ben interjected.
McGarrett and
Williams exchanged a swift glance before the boss continued with what he had
been saying before Dan had entered.
Dismissing his two detectives, he glanced at Dan.
“Hang around and I’ll
fill you in on what’s going on.”
Williams took a spot
on the corner of the desk and McGarrett was struck for a moment by how normal
it all seemed – as if his second in command had just returned from a vacation
and not an incident that could have ended his life.
“How
are you doing?” McGarrett’s low concerned question once the two were alone in
the office.
Williams
assured he was fine just a bit anxious for life to
return to normal. Steve knew he could
definitely understand the sentiment so he gave Dan a brief run down on the
cases that Five-O was currently investigating.
However, he found himself reluctant to allow Dan to go out onto the
streets on his own and found ways to keep him chained to the office the entire
day.
*******
Steve
sat at his desk tiredly sorting through the folders and papers on his
desk. Life was slowly starting to slip
into standard routine. Not soon
enough for McGarrett. And yet, within him, uneasiness, and the sense of something
still amiss, of something that still needed to be completed. He sighed as he rose from his chair and moved
out to the lanai. In deep meditation, he stared at the
darkening sky.
A knock came on his
door and then it opened before he could reply.
McGarrett half turned as Williams walked in with paper bags in his
arms. The bags were set on the far table
away from the uncharacteristically messy desk.
Steve moved to the doorframe of the lanai and watched as his second in
command set out the containers and paper plates he had brought back from the
Chinese restaurant. The sense of
normalcy only served to heighten his agitation.
“Dinner’s here,
Steve.”
Dan glanced up and
stated the obvious because McGarrett appeared to be a million miles away from
reality at the moment.
He had caught the boss doing that often.
Mostly late in the evening after the rigors of daily work were over and
the rest of the staff had left. He knew
there was something on Steve’s mind and wondered whether or
not he should mention that it was noticeable.
Steve moved over to
the table and accepted the plate of food that Williams handed him but did not
make a move to eat. From what he hoped
was under the cover of his lowered head, Steve watched Dan. His friend had recovered from the horrific
forced addiction. He was immensely
thankful for the ability to once again do what he had
feared they would never do again – the ritual of sharing the nightly meal
together.
Life was not totally back to normal yet though. For one, McGarrett knew that Williams was
still overly cautious about people finding out what had happened. To that extent, he NEVER went without long
sleeves of late. Steve wryly noted that
Dan had given in to the extremely hot temperatures and had a short sleeve dress
shirt on, but then remembered that he had not removed his suit jacket the
entire day. Obviously, he felt
comfortable doing so now as he sat in McGarrett’s office without it on. Steve was aware that it showed that Dan had
come to terms with the idea that Steve and Duke shared his intimate knowledge
of what he had gone through. Now if only
McGarrett felt he could do the same.
“Steve?”
McGarrett looked up
at the eyes that were staring at him.
The one word call from his friend instantly catapulted him back to the
feelings he had experienced during the awful time when Dan was missing. They clogged his chest as he struggled to
mask his reactions. He must not have
been that successful because he saw the look on Dan’s face change to one of
concern. He pushed his untouched plate
away. His throat was so tight that he
doubted he’d be able to speak, but knew he had to
settle how he felt with his friend, within himself.
“I’ve got to tell you
something, Danno.”
Dan nodded but didn’t speak. He knew
he had to wait for McGarrett to finish before he said anything. He could feel Steve staring at his arms and
THAT made him uncomfortable. He had
taken great care to never wear anything but long
sleeves since he had been back. The hot
weather that had continued over the last several days had been the impetus for
the short sleeved shirt he had put on in the
morning. Yet he had diligently kept his
jacket on all day, removing it only right before he had entered the office with
the food. Originally, he had felt safe doing so since it was just Steve and
he. He now feared that he should have
left it on and immediately questioned why he felt he had anything to worry
about. Duke, and especially Steve, knew
the worst he was capable of when out of his mind. And they still felt
him valuable enough to save. The
knowledge still humbled him. He found
himself wondering why sometimes, but appreciating the prize he had in such
incredible friendships.
Dan instinctively
started to pull his arms closer to his body.
Steve saw the gesture and, knowing his friend as well as he did,
silently cursed himself for what he knew Dan was
assuming. He reached out a hand and took
a hold of the closest wrist. Nearly of
their own volition, Steve’s fingers moved up Dan’s arm to the fading needle
marks that barely dotted his skin. Dan
froze and his arm tensed despite his efforts to remain calm.
Steve gently pressed
his palm against the worst scars on the inside of the right elbow. He knew from talking to Dan that Williams
only remembered parts of the ordeal at the safe house. Perhaps that was why his friend appeared so
uncomfortable with McGarrett and Lukela – because he knew that they remembered
all of it. Steve knew he’d
never forget any detail, like most instances that involved the very real
possibility of losing Dan, this one was indelibly etched in his memory, on his
heart.
“At the house, at one
point you said that you had tried to fight, to get help, to call out to
me. Do you remember that, Danno?”
“I remember
originally thinking that I needed to call out to you. But you weren’t there, Steve, you were on
vacation for the long weekend.”
Steve nodded as his
chest tightened and a knot threatened to completely close
his throat. He just
pressing his hand there against the wounds -- as if to heal them on a
physical/psychic level. This time it was more for his comfort than Dan’s.
This time
it was Steve who withdrew from Danny. He pulled back physically, drawing his hands
away from Dan’s arm, fleeing behind the emotional walls that had worked for him
for so many years. He was unable to remain
behind them though. Guilt and the
affection he harbored for this man for years forced him out from behind them,
commanded that he reveal what had been destroying him from the start of the
horrible ordeal.
He felt like the
admission he was about to make was ripping him apart. “I heard you, Danno.”
Williams looked up
but Steve wasn’t looking at him.
“What do you mean?”
“I heard you.”
“Steve, you were
miles away. There’s no way…”
“I HEARD YOU! That night you were taken,
I heard YOU! I saw -- felt -- your fear,
your pain. I felt it!! And I did nothing…”
Steve’s voice trailed
off. The admission of the guilt he had
carried for so long left him empty, lifeless. He froze, unable to move, unable to even breathe as he waited for Dan’s condemnation.
“Steve, it had to
just be a dream.” But
Dan’s voice was shaky and McGarrett knew that he doubted what he was
saying.
“It wasn’t a dream,
Danno. I heard you every time you called
to me.”
“I don’t…”
“You might not
remember doing it, but I heard you - more than once. At first, I didn’t
even believe it! And
I could not find you. Could
not help you.”
“You never stopped
looking though. And
you were there once you found me. You didn’t
leave. No matter what
I said to you.”
Dan was embarrassed by that admission. Steve had said little of what had gone on
during their struggle to get Dan off the drugs but from what
he had said and the snatches of memories that Dan had, Dan knew that he
had really given Steve a bad time – worse than anything he had ever said to
Duke. He knew that more from what Steve didn’t say than from what he said.
“We need to get past
this. Move on.”
McGarrett pushed his
chair away from the table and started towards the lanai,
stopping in the middle of the room he half turned to face Williams.
“Have you? Forgotten it, I mean. Moved past it. This is the first time I’ve
seen you without your jacket since you’ve been back. You’re always in the office, always working.”
Dan pushed his own
chair back but did not rise. “I’ve got a
lot to catch up on.” His voice held a
measure of defense to it. Steve noted
that he did not address his arms.
“Not that much,
Danno. You weren’t away that long.” He
too chose not to address Dan’s arms.
“It feels like I
was.”
Steve could not argue
with that sentiment. To him it felt like
Dan had been missing for months not weeks.
Dan rose and turned
away from Steve, choosing to stare at a wall opposite the table they had been
eating at.
“Being in here – makes it easier somehow. I can crowd my mind with details, problems,
and reports. At home, it’s
just me; it’s too quiet there. Sometimes
the quiet is scarier than being around everybody.”
“But at home?” McGarrett moved in closer behind Williams.
“Sometimes I can
still smell that fishy odor or I think I can see him coming closer with the
needle or feel it going into my arm.”
Steve silently
berated himself for not realizing there was something deeper going on, that
Dan’s recovery was still an on-going process.
He had been so wrapped up in his own guilt that he hadn’t
thought beyond anything else outside of being thrilled with Dan’s return. He took a step next to his friend and reached
over, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Dan rubbed at his
arms, trying to ward off the sudden chill that had nothing to do with the
weather. Eyes downcast, he half glanced
over. “Sorry,
Steve, you didn’t need…”
McGarrett quickly
assured that Dan did not need to worry about the admission. Then he paused for a minute. His own voice growing deeper and quieter, he
continued.
“You haven’t gotten
over it.”
Dan hesitated. “Not really, I guess. It’s so much slower
than I thought. When I was recovering
and suffering I felt so guilty about what you and Duke
had to do. And
I knew it would all be okay once it was over.
That we could just switch over one day and it would be
done. But
it’s not that easy. So much lingers . .
. .” He sighed, feeling more vulnerable
than he had since leaving the safe house.
This reminded him of the warm, intimate conversations they shared at the safe house, after Danno had recovered enough to be lucid. They had exchanged close, cherished conversations of nothing and everything -- on a level only deep friendship could attain. Moments when both were so open and bonded he felt he could say anything and be perfectly understood, and perhaps, more importantly, completely accepted.
Thoughtfully,
McGarrett nodded. “You know I still
remember those visions, dreams, whatever they were. Sometimes I look at you doing something so
normal and I’ll flash back on the image that I had in my head or remember what
I felt when I woke up after the dreams and then it feels…”
He squeezed Dan’s
shoulder tightly and drew him closer.
Echoes of a previous conversation rang in his head. He doubted that Dan would remember it but
McGarrett suddenly realized how true the statement had been for him. He decided that he needed to repeat a part of
it now that Danno was well again. This
time they would both remember it. His
gruff yet quiet voice betrayed his turbulent emotions when he spoke.
“You are the
strongest person I know, Danno," he reiterated, affirming inner convictions from
their darkest days. "I’m never as strong without you with me. I’m thankful that you are back safely.”
Dan was stunned. Emotional admissions from either of them were
not a usual occurrence, however from Steve they were
downright rare. They had shared such
admissions in those dark days of recovery, but he thought that was all behind
him now. The obvious feeling in the
voice and the strength in the arm around his shoulders awed him. He wondered at the cause for such an revelation and thought that it might have been deeper
than just his disappearance and what had happened at the safe house.
Was he really the
strongest person Steve knew? He couldn’t believe
it. Steve was the strongest person HE
knew. And if Steve believed in him . . .. All he knew was
that with McGarrett’s faith in him so solid, he felt confident in himself.
And what about the connection between them? HE had felt it for years, but thought it was just a natural reaction that most people had to McGarrett’s
magnetic personality. Did it have
something to do with the strange dreams Steve related? He wasn’t sure what
he felt about that kind of premonition or psychic connection. Steve’s sixth sense sometimes seemed almost
clairvoyant. Why not
dreams when something terrible happened?
Steve felt his eyes
fill as he yet again experienced emotions that he usually kept deeply hidden
bubbling to the surface. These last
weeks had wreaked utter havoc on his ability to control his feelings and now he
fought to retain that control. It was a
battle he did not have a chance at winning.
The fear of the dreams, the stark reality of returning home and finding
Dan missing, the endless, desperate search, the heartbreaking discovery and the
awful period of withdrawal had severely overtaxed his system, his protective
walls. He had assumed that he had shed
whatever tears he had needed to at the safe house watching an incoherent Williams. He knew now he’d
been wrong as they silently ran down his face.
He copiously wiped them away but was fairly certain
Dan had spotted them, had seen the chink in his armor. At some point during this awful time, he had
finally, fully acknowledged the bond between him and Williams to himself. He’d been surprised
by how natural it had felt to admit it to himself. Perhaps at some point he could actually
reveal the admission to his friend. He
squeezed Dan’s shoulder one last time.
“Why don’t we see how
awful cold Chinese take-out really tastes?”
Williams matched the
lightness of McGarrett’s tone in his reply.
As the two turned back towards the table he
studied his friend. McGarrett caught the
perusal and nodded a little.
“Everything’s OK,
Danno. All is right with the world
again.”
Dan could only agree
with him.