THE LONG WAY HOME

By AS

Rated -- PG -14

For emotional intensity

McGarrett was pacing restlessly through the office, frustration evident in his body language. It was an emotion that was prevalent throughout the entire office. Their current case, a joint operation with HPD, had every one who wore a badge on edge. One by one, for some unknown reason, someone was picking off police officers.

So far, they had been lucky. While five officers had been shot at, only two had been hit and neither of those had been serious. But everyone had a sense of foreboding about him or her, a fear that soon their luck would run out. Every officer whether in uniform or plainclothes was now carefully watching their surroundings everywhere they went. Most of the uniformed officers were now also wearing bulletproof vests beneath their shirts. The heightened anxiety made solving the case an even higher priority for all involved.

The detectives were now gathered in Steve’s office as they batted around ideas in an attempt to gain some direction on the case. After much discussion, Duke went to gather the reports on the five previous shootings and would then re-examine them in an attempt to find anything that might lead to a similar motive behind the attacks. Danny was about to leave to return to the general area of the last two shootings to look for any clue or piece of evidence that might have been missed. Steve had finally quit pacing and settled on the corner of his desk. He studied the back of the man who was leaving his office.

“Danno.”

The man stopped before he reached the door and turned around. Although he didn’t speak, the question on his face was easy to read. Steve paused for a few seconds, unsure of what he was trying to say. He shook his head as if changing his mind about why he had stopped his detective. Dan waited.

“Maybe you shouldn’t use the car radio out there.”

“Steve…”

“Using the radio – obvious sign of being a cop, Danno. If you need to call in, might be……why don’t you use a pay phone today?”

“Sure, Steve, see ya.”

Dan turned and left the office so the boss wouldn’t see the small grin on his face. As per the norm, Steve was worried about his detectives but did not want it to show. He had been this way since Chin was murdered while undercover a little over a year ago. Dan had hoped the boss, his friend, could let it go already. They were all aware of how dangerous their jobs were, expected to one day face death as they rounded a corner. He just wished Steve didn’t take their safety so personally and view it as his fault when one of them got hurt. But McGarrett had always seen his ability to keep them safe as a large part of his job. Sighing, Dan left the office, mind already on things he needed to be looking for.

**********

The morning passed with Steve trying to concentrate on the facts that were available on the sniper. He felt exceedingly jumpy. Though he couldn’t pinpoint the reason, it was as if he expected disaster to strike at any time. Duke had returned and was in the office with the boss going over the police reports when McGarrett’s direct line rang.

“McGarrett. Oh yeah, Danno, what did you find?”

On the other side of town, Dan stood in a phone booth about to tell Steve that if there was anything else out there on the sniper that he had not been able to find it. As he spoke, he could hear McGarrett deeply sigh. He felt that he had let Steve down. Part of his job was to always be there for Steve and to never fail him, at least that’s what Dan thought it was. Concern for his friend prompted Dan to apologize even though he knew this was truly out of his control.

“Sorry, Steve.”

Steve started to tell Dan that he didn’t need to apologize and to just come back to the office. Before he got the words out of his mouth, he thought he heard a grunt followed by a groan. Could he have also heard a loud pop in the background?

“Danno…?”

Silence met his call and McGarrett felt the nervous tension begin to flow. He thought he could hear breathing, but wasn’t positive.

“DAN!”

Duke looked up at the odd use of the first name and not the nickname that Steve traditionally used. He started to say something but changed his mind when he saw the odd mix of emotions on the face. Anxiety and fear were now mixed in with the tension that had been written on Steve’s face since the shootings had begun. The boss was rooted in place and appeared to be intently listening to whatever was being said on the other end of the phone.

“Danno, are you OK?”

McGarrett looked over to Duke. There was a haunted look in Steve’s eyes, as if he was now living his worst nightmare.

“Duke, do we know exactly where Danno was headed?”

Duke shook his head. They knew the general area of where he had been headed but Dan had not called in with any specific location until this phone call to Steve.

“Trace this call. NOW!”

Duke moved to the other phone to request the trace, not really sure what was going on. From the tone of Steve’s voice, he knew he probably didn’t want to know.

“Danno, can you hear me? Come on…Come on………answer me!”

He was practically shouting into the phone now. The tenseness in his voice belied the panic that was now on his face. Duke expected to see half of the staff come bursting into the office to see what was wrong any second now.

In the phone booth, Danny had barely heard the pop or the crack of the glass behind him. He felt the fire in his back, grunting as his body jerked and turned. He barely glanced down at the blood quickly soaking through the front of his shirt. He never heard the second pop, but the subsequent searing pain made him groan loudly. He fell against the pay phone. The only thing stopping him from sinking to the ground was catching his arm on the small counter. The phone slipped from his hand but remained near his ear on his shoulder. He heard Steve call to him twice but did not have the strength to grasp the phone.

“Ste…”

Even though it was more of a sound than an actual spoken word, somehow his voice was heard and understood on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah…yeah…I’m here, Danno. I’m here.”

Duke glanced up at the sudden difference in Steve’s tone. Just a few seconds prior, he had been nearly yelling, as he demanded an answer from Dan. Now his voice had dropped several decibels becoming a softer, almost intimate whisper as he replied to whatever had been said. Steve raised his eyes towards him.

‘Well?’ he mouthed.

“They’re still working on it, Steve.”

“Have cars and an ambulance ready to roll, Duke, as soon as you get an answer!”

“You think Danny got shot, Steve?”

“I know he did!”

Steve’s fist pounded on his desk in emphasis. He paced the small space between desk and chair, waiting. The phone was still glued to his ear as he tried to hear some kind of response from Dan. Duke grabbed pen and paper to scribble down an address. He then quickly ordered the ambulance & police to the cross streets he had been given and hung up the phone. He glanced at McGarrett and pointed towards the door, asking the boss if he was going to the address.

Dropping the phone away from his face a little, Steve shook his head. “I’m not leaving him, Duke. I’ll stay on the phone with him until you guys get there. HURRY!!”

Duke left the office at a near run, anxious to get down to the scene. He had to admit he was a little shocked that McGarrett hadn’t wanted to go but opted not to dwell on it. The sooner he got to the scene, the sooner he would be able to tell how bad it was. From the look on Steve’s face, he knew to expect the worst.

Once Duke had left the office, McGarrett sank in to his chair. Watching Duke go out that door and choosing to not go, to stay behind and stay on the phone was one of the hardest things he had ever done. His logic, his brain, told him to run out that door, but his emotions, his heart would not let him leave his friend. Was he sure? Should he have gone with Duke? No, he didn’t think so. Doing so would have left Dan all alone until they had gotten there. Although there had been almost no response from his friend since the groan, Steve knew he couldn’t just hang up that phone. God he could not believe this was happening! The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach would not let him put the phone down, would not let him break his only connection with his friend. For once, he allowed his heart to control his actions instead of his need to always jump in to the center of the action. Dan had to know that they were on their way to get him; that all he had to do was to hold on for a little while longer.

“Danno…we’re on our way. Just hold on, OK?… Hold on.”

Steve’s voice was a little louder than earlier but not much. He knew he had to try to reach Dan, to get Danny to talk to him. A frantic, near primal need in Steve had to hear Dan’s voice, needed the reassurance that this desperate nightmare was not going to end with his losing his friend. He needed to know that his detective, his friend was all right. He kept his voice at a low whisper to convey that this was something that was just between him and Danny.

“Danno, I need you to talk to me…”

There was an agonizing wait to see if he had been heard. Just when he started to believe that Dan was unconscious, Steve barely heard his voice.

“Ste…Ste…ve…”

‘He’s going into shock!’ The thought jumped in Steve’s mind and he wondered how long it would take the officers and the ambulance to reach Dan. ‘God please, let him hang on till we can get to him. We can’t lose him!’

Steve paused for a second. That statement wasn’t entirely true. He couldn’t lose Dan! After Chin’s murder, after all the years that Dan had been his second in command, after all of the years that they had been friends, now that he was finally starting to realize how important his friends were to him – to lose the one who meant the most would be a blow that McGarrett knew he could not handle.

“Danno, where were you hit?”

“Back…..two…back”

Two shots in the back. McGarrett assumed that was what he meant. So much possible damage that could have been done. But at least Dan was still conscious and alive! He searched for something else to say, a way to keep Dan talking. His mind was jumbled. He had failed to protect his friend. He felt like he was about to fall apart. If he hadn’t told Dan to use a pay phone…

“Danno…”

His voice was choked with all the emotion he had never been able to express.

He knew he should apologize. He wanted to apologize. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t get the words out of his mouth. God, where was Duke? Why weren’t they there yet? He should have gone. He would have been there by now!

“St…Steve…”

His attention was brought back to the person on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah…”

“s….sor…ry….can’t…”

Dan’s voice faded off. Steve wasn’t sure if he was still conscious or not. He ran his hand over his face as the horror of what was happening washed over him again. He opened his mouth, intent on answering Dan, but no sound came out. Fear – an emotion he hardly ever faced. He had never allowed himself to acknowledge its existence. But it filled him now! Usually he was able to channel any kind of fear into anger and the anger would allow him to deal with what was happening, to change it so that the outcome was what he wanted. Not this time! THIS time all he could feel was fear – a deep heart wrenching fear that fate had a different outcome in store and he was powerless to change it. Steve sat there and listened to hitched, labored breathing that seemed to be slowing with each heartbeat.

“Dan…” Steve’s voice was barely a whisper. The knot in his throat seemed to be growing still larger. Indescribable grief was already filling his mind, his soul. The fear in the pit of stomach felt like lead.

NO! This could not be happening! He could not lose Danno - not like this! Not at all! Thoughts crowded his mind, things he needed to say to Dan, ways to keep him talking, to let him know that he was not alone, that Steve was still there with him even if it was just via the telephone.

“Danno, listen to me.” Good – his voice, though still choked, sounded a lot stronger than he felt. Maybe he could pass some of that strength on to Dan. He had always considered his strength, his tenacity to be an asset, had always known that he had an over abundance of it. Now he needed to have enough to get them both through this nightmare. Because Steve knew that if Dan did not survive this, he wouldn’t either. “You need to hold on. Duke is on his way there. So is an ambulance. I’ll meet you at the hospital, OK? I expect you to be able to talk to me when I get there, got it, bruddah!”

Steve resorted to giving orders simply because he knew of no other way to deal with this. He listened closely – trying to tell if his words had been heard or not. But there was nothing. No response, not even a grunt or some other sound to let him know that he had been heard.

Suddenly in the background he heard sirens screaming. He knew that Duke had arrived and hoped that the ambulance had too.

“Danno…they’re there. You made it. Everything’s going to be all right.”

His voice caught in his throat as the lump of emotion threatened to overwhelm him. McGarrett wasn’t sure at this point if he was trying to convince Dan or himself. He heard footsteps running towards the phone along with shouted instructions. Then there was a rustle and he heard Duke’s voice.

“Oh my God! Get the stretcher over here NOW!”

“Danny…Danny, it’s Duke. Can you hear me? Oh God – look at all of this blood on your shirt…”

Duke froze as he realized the phone was still off the hook and close by. Without a thought, he knew that Steve was still on the phone. He didn’t want the boss to know how sickened he was by the amount of blood. Nor did he want him to know how close to the heart the bullet hole appeared to Duke. He reached over Dan’s body and pulled the phone from his shoulder. At the same time, he pulled a handkerchief out from his pocket and gently wiped the sweat off of the unconscious face. He put the phone to his ear.

“Steve.”

“Duke, it’s about time! How is he? How bad does it look?”

“Steve, just…meet us at Queens. They’re taking him to Queens.” Duke paused. He was a little surprised that Steve hadn’t pushed for more detail about where Dan was shot. But maybe not asking was further proof of how rocked Steve was by this. He also knew that he needed to get out of the way so that Dan could be placed on the stretcher. He wondered briefly if Dan would even make it to the hospital. Duke attempted to convey his sense of urgency to McGarrett. “Steve, you better hurry.”

Steve was already standing up and reaching for his jacket. “Tell them Danno said he was shot twice in the back.”

Without waiting for a reply, McGarrett slammed the phone down & nearly ran out of the office. He was determined to get to the hospital before Dan did.

At the scene, Duke hurried to move out of the way but spoke briefly to the attendants. “Sounds like he was awake for a while. Steve McGarrett said that Danny said he was shot twice in the back.”

He noticed both attendants glance at each other. Intending on asking what that meant, he thought for a moment and then looked at the position that Dan was in. He had slumped down in the phone booth. A bullet in the back would not be a good thing. He watched as Dan was carefully loaded onto the stretcher and then followed it towards the ambulance before heading back to check on what new information had been found.

Steve easily beat the ambulance to the hospital. For a moment, he wished that old Doc Bergman were still around to call. Doc had understood the Five-O detectives and their little idiosyncrasies. He had understood McGarrett. Sure he had complained at times about being too busy with his own work to say ‘how high’ to McGarrett’s ‘Jump’ but also never failed to be available when something happened to one of the men. Steve sighed and sorely wished for the crusty old doctor’s presence this time.

A loud commotion outside indicated that the ambulance had finally arrived. As they hurried the stretcher in towards the trauma area, Steve jumped over and forced them to stop for a second. Stunned into near immobility, he stared at the unconscious form of his friend, his eyes temporarily glued to the shirt that was nearly completely soaked with blood. The realization of how serious this was again slammed into McGarrett. Almost of their own volition, his fingers brushed the side of Dan’s face.

“Hold on, Danno, just hold on,” he whispered.

Then the stretcher disappeared through the doors.

It seemed like an eternity before the stretcher was wheeled out and into a waiting elevator at a very brisk pace. The doctor following it moved to the nearest stairs and began to run up them. A second doctor had moved over to speak to the nurse at the desk. She in turn nodded towards McGarrett and the doctor moved over to him.

“Mr. McGarrett, my name is Dr. Malakai. Why don’t we go over here and have a seat so we can talk?”

Just as Steve was about to follow the doctor, the elevator doors opened & Duke practically ran out of them.

“Steve, any word on Danny?”

“We’re about to find out now. Doctor, this is Duke Lukela.”

Steve made the introductions more out of ingrained manners and a need for the doctor to not think that he needed to hide information from Duke than for any other reason. Duke and Steve each sat down and the doctor pulled a chair from the other side of the room in front of them.

“As you know, the officer was shot twice. Both bullets entered his back. The second bullet is of concern because it appears to be lodged in his spinal column. We are fairly sure that there is some permanent damage there -“

The doctor paused as he noticed McGarrett’s eyes shift away from him to focus on a wall across the room. He waited for a few minutes to give the man some time to process what he had just told him. When he saw the gaze redirected at him, he continued.

“However the damage done by the first bullet is of greater concern at the moment. It entered in the upper part of the back and exited out the front. While it moved through the body, it nicked part of the lung. There’s heavy bleeding into the chest cavity right now. We are operating to try to control that bleeding.”

“What about the other bullet?”

Duke’s voice was low, fearful. Having seen the look that had passed between the ambulance attendants, he thought he knew what the outcome would be with this shooting. Duke knew McGarrett didn’t have a clue. There was an emptiness to the expression on McGarrett’s face. Almost as if none of what was being said was actually sinking in. He wondered if the blankness would offer Steve the protection he would need to hear what Duke feared was about to be said.

“There is little we can do with that bullet. We won’t be sure about the extent of the damage for several hours. But if we try to remove it, we think it will cause additional more extensive damage. Our main concern for now is the harm done by the first bullet. We’ll have to take our chances with the second one and hope for minimal paralysis.”

Duke closed his eyes and sighed. It had been what he was expecting, what he feared, since arriving on the scene.

McGarrett’s body nearly convulsed as he tensed at the doctor’s words. His blank expression became one of intense shock and pain. PARALYSIS?! NO! His much valued self control fled. His arms and legs felt like rubber.

“NO – why can’t you take that bullet out while you’ve got him now?”

“Because we need to stop the bleeding and close him quickly. The longer we’ve got him in surgery the greater the risk for more serious complications.”

The look on McGarrett’s face changed again to one of anger, of incredulity.

“I would THINK paralysis would be serious!”

McGarrett was nearly over the edge. The doctor confined his responses to short clipped phrases. He realized that he had just delivered an awful blow to these two men. He had grown up on this island and, through media coverage, was well aware of the legend that surrounded Five-O and the man in front of him. He had a feeling that the victim was not just a co-worker of the two detectives but might be also a friend judging from their facial expressions. The Hawaiian detective was silent – shocked into muteness. The taller man, well known by nearly all in the islands as the haole hao, was trying to hold it together but appeared to be about ready to fall apart. The doctor knew that this man was the victim’s boss since all the members of the Five-O team had enjoyed their own share of press coverage throughout the years. Dr. Malakai guessed that McGarrett had most likely had something to do with the circumstances that led up to the detective, his patient, getting shot.

“Under normal circumstances, yes. However the more we go digging around inside of him the greater the chance that he would bleed to death during surgery. We would prefer to keep him alive and worry about the type of life he will have once we are sure he’ll live.”

Steve opened his mouth, but instantly shut it again. He did not have a comeback for the doctor. In the long run, if he had to choose between Dan being paralyzed or dying, he knew it really wasn’t a choice. Although he’d prefer neither, he’d take paralysis for now and hope for a miracle once he knew that Dan would live.

Duke and Steve remained in the waiting room for a long time. Neither man spoke, as they were too consumed with their own thoughts. Dr. Malakai made an effort to check on them a couple of times as he wound his way through the hospital, but he did not speak to them again. He had checked on the surgery, knew how it was progressing, and knew he would be present when the surgeon spoke with the detectives.

Duke’s wife, John Manicote and even the governor called the hospital a couple of times to check on Williams. All were given the same news. Duke spoke briefly to his wife, telling her what the doctor had told him. But McGarrett had categorically refused to speak to both John and the governor and Duke simply didn’t have the will left to take on that job so both men were given standard hospital updates.

The next day:

Duke and two officers from HPD were in McGarrett’s office, going over notes and reports on the sniper, looking for any type of lead to help them nail this maniac who had targeted the police. Duke and Steve did not want to be there. Steve had been moody and disturbed since he had come in that morning. Without asking, the staff had known that he had spent most of the evening at the hospital. This case was hard on them all, on every police officer. But what had happened yesterday afternoon had hit them all like a punch between the eyes, most of all McGarrett. Usually outwardly controlled, reserved, nearly emotionless, he was also fiercely protective of the people on his staff. When one of them was injured, they all took it bad but the boss took it worse than anyone did. He considered their injuries to be his personal failure to keep them safe. This time was the worst.

That was no surprise to any of them. Whenever something happened to Dan, he took that even worse than with any of the others. Steve had been drawn to Dan since the first day they had met. Offering him a spot on the team had seemed logical, but the friendship that had developed over the years that followed had been a welcome surprise.

Through the years, the two detectives had supported each other through many injuries, shootings and other tragedies including familial losses. They spent hours in the office together during normal working hours and long after the rest of the staff had gone home, sharing many an evening meal over whatever case they were currently working on. Theirs was a friendship that had been built on work but then had carried over to their rare off-hours as they also spent some of that time together as well. It was a friendship that was now the most solid and important relationship in McGarrett’s life – not that he ever stopped to think about it. It was simply there and Steve had always assumed it would be.

Dan had been shot because of the actions that McGarrett had thought would keep him safe. HPD had combed the surrounding area where Dan was shot looking for new clues but finding none. So McGarrett and Lukela were again going over the old reports, looking for something that might have been missed.

The intercom buzzing brought the three detectives out of their thoughts. The secretary told Steve that the hospital was calling.

“Yeah, Doc.”

“Mr. McGarrett, we have been unable to sufficiently control the bleeding caused by the first bullet and the situation here has taken a turn for the worse and…”

McGarrett listened in horror to the doctor on the other end of the phone. He was barely able to voice a response. Denial at what he had heard slamming down on his brain, he was barely able to hang up the phone. He clenched and unclenched the fingers in his hand before making a fist and slamming it down on his desk. The other occupants in the office looked at him in surprise.

“They had to take Danno back into surgery. Something about some bleeding that they couldn’t control. You …see what you can find. There has to be something out there that we’ve missed. I’ll be at the hospital.”

Before they could answer him, McGarrett was out the door to the office and headed to the hospital. Even though he knew that there was nothing he could do there but wait for the surgery to be over, he knew he needed to be there and not in the office.

Later that evening:

Steve stood near the window in the quiet, darkened room. His gaze appeared to be claimed by the view of the hospital parking lot. In actuality, he wasn’t really seeing anything. But his attention, his hearing, was fixed on the breathing of the person in the bed. Steve made a fist and gently pounded the wall – a mild expression of the frustration, anger and hurt that was bottled inside of him. He briefly thought back over his conversation with the team of doctors earlier in the day following the surgery. Each word, each sentence was indelibly imprinted on his memory, on his heart. Each word had stabbed him with its finality. The guilt he had felt over the past day escalated to immeasurable levels.

Slowly he stepped over to the chair next to the bed and sank in to it, bringing his hand up to cover his face. The doctor had said that the patient would be unconscious until sometime tomorrow. But yet McGarrett couldn’t leave, just in case.

The door to the room opened and he nearly jumped. Two doctors entered the room and one came to stand on the other side of the bed while the surgeon stopped at the foot and lifted the covers. McGarrett rose from his chair and watched carefully. It didn’t take long. The surgeon looked at his colleague and shook his head.

“I’m sorry. There’s nothing else I can do.” Without waiting for a reply, the surgeon left the room.

The other doctor stared at McGarrett as if he was waiting for some type of reaction. “He’ll be sedated until some time tomorrow morning. You should go home. Get some rest.”

McGarrett stared at a point just beyond the doctor. He nodded his head in agreement.

“Yeah, I’ll leave in a minute.”

The doctor nodded and turned towards the door, fully knowing that McGarrett would still be there the next time he came in to the room the same way he had prowled the hospital the night before. He thought about ordering him out of the room but knew that would do little good.

“Doc, does he know yet?”

He stopped at the door and turned to look at the Five-O chief. “I don’t think so. But I can’t be sure as to what happened in the ambulance.”

“I want to tell him. Understand?”

Dr. Malakai nodded and then left the room. He walked towards the nurses’ desk to advise the staff that McGarrett was most likely going to spend the night in the room with Williams. He was impressed by the extraordinary devotion he had seen in this detective for someone on his staff. He reminded the staff of his contact numbers and instructed them to call if it appeared that either detective needed something during the night. He would return early the next morning, as he wanted to be in the room when the patient awoke. He had a feeling that both of these men would require his presence tomorrow.

Steve sat down in the chair again after the doctors had left. This time he stared at the patient in the bed. He was still unconscious, blissfully unaware of what had been going on around him for most of the day. Tomorrow when he awoke he would learn soon enough how drastically his life had now changed. All because of the decision that McGarrett had made the day before. McGarrett would be the one to tell him. He wanted, needed to be the one no matter how much it was going to hurt. There was no way he was going to let anyone else convey the awful news.

“I owe you that much, Aikane,” he whispered.

He pulled his chair a little closer to the bed and settled in it a little more comfortably. He wasn’t leaving, hadn’t intended to even when he had told the doctor that he would. He glanced over at the man in the bed again. He reached over and placed his hand on top of his friend’s. Gradually his eyes closed as he thought about the dreaded news he would have to deliver to his friend in the morning.

*********

Steve sat at his desk, toying with the case folders that were neatly piled off to the side. He absently picked up two thinner folders that had been set in the center. Obviously, his second in command figured that these items required his immediate attention. Steve opened the first folder and read the first page. He slammed the folder closed and checked the other one. Finding both to be of the same nature, he dropped them back on his desk as if they were on fire. He rose quickly, slamming his chair back as he did so. His initial intention to lambaste his second in command, his friend, receded as quickly as it had exploded in his brain. For a time, he stood there, frozen in place, tapping his knuckles on the desk. His hand stilled for a few seconds. Then without warning, he swept everything from the top of his desk.

In the outer office, the secretary jumped at the sudden crash in the boss’ office. Before she could say a word, the unit’s second in command strode from his cubicle towards the closed door, stopping briefly to fill two mugs of coffee. He nudged the door open with his foot. Peering inside, he saw the boss bend down to pick up the two slim folders he had placed on the desk late last night.

“It’s time, Steve.”

Steve dropped the folders on his desk, shaking his head, unable to speak because of the tightening in his throat. He was so tired his body felt like Jell-O. Looking at the other detective, he realized suddenly how much he had aged. The strain of what they had gone through as a unit, as friends, was now beginning to take its toll.

“Steve, we need help. We can’t keep borrowing manpower from HPD. Chin’s been dead over a year and it’s been almost three months…”

“I know how long it’s been.”

Steve cut him off. He knew exactly how long it had been since that day. No matter how hard he tried to wipe it from his mind, the date burned there. At night his dreams forced him to relive the day and during the day, being in the office served as a constant reminder, a never-ending heartache.

The other man approached him and placed the coffee mug on the desk. Then he turned back toward the door. Before he left the office, he turned.

“You and I aren’t as young as we used to be. We need fresh blood. Someone to carry on in the footsteps you created. Think about it, Steve.”

McGarrett picked up the mug & turned toward the lanai. Leaning against the pillar, he stared unseeingly at paradise. He felt old and tired, had been feeling that way for the last twelve weeks or so. God, had it really been that long? Maybe living in the middle of it made it seem like almost no time at all had passed. By the sheer force of determination, he willed the awful memories away, making an effort, instead, to crowd his mind with happier ones.

McGarrett thought back to the various men that had passed through the offices as detectives over the years. There had been Kono, Ben, Chin (one of the originals) and Duke, his old friend who had been a Sgt. with HPD and seemed to be on permanent loan to the unit until he finally joined the team after Ben left. Unbidden, nearly unwanted his thoughts turned to his other friend, the one who, it seemed, had always been his second in command.

When he had first met Officer Williams, McGarrett had trouble believing that the young man in front of him was anything more than a rookie cop, much less one of the top marksmen of HPD. He found himself borrowing the officer to work with Five O several times after that and was impressed with the natural investigative skills Williams possessed. Inviting him to join the team had seemed like a natural move. Steve had to struggle to hide his mirth at the shocked silence his invitation had been met with. He had begun to think that very little could silence the opinionated young man.

“Danno…” the whisper escaped his lips without a thought.

He turned his head so that he faced the pillar he’d been leaning on. McGarrett knew he had reached the dreaded point where he would have to begin to deal with what had happened. The vengeance that had sustained him for some time was now unnecessary. The papers he had received from Manicote the other day detailed the charges that would be brought against the man he had personally tracked down and arrested. All that was left now was the every day details of running the state police unit and dealing with the emotions he had hoped to bury instead of face. He wasn’t sure he was capable of either one.

He walked slowly back into his office and spent several minutes putting his desk back in order, picking up the items he had flung to the floor. He closed the lanai doors and prepared to leave. His heart and mind were not committed to accomplishing anything today. There had been little he had wanted to do of late and he had given in to his desire to not even go into the office many days. There was only one place where he spent most of his waking hours and many of the sleeping ones even though being there saddened him to the very core of his being. He left his office, shutting the door behind him, and turned to

give some last instructions to the secretary. She nodded, fully knowing that the boss was leaving early and already aware of where he could be reached.

Steve turned and his eyes were drawn to the cubicle closest to his office. The cold bareness of the area settled heavily on him and he stared at it, his mind’s eye picturing the way it used to look. Pure will power enabled him to pull his gaze away from the space and walk to the only other occupied cubicle in the office. He paused in the doorway, momentarily upset with himself for yet again leaving his second in command to finish the reports of their latest case.

“I’m headed out, but if you need me I’ll be at the…”

He didn’t need to finish the thought. The man at the desk waved his hand in acknowledgment, fully knowing where to find his boss for the remainder of the day. He looked at Steve for a minute before speaking. Briefly he thought about mentioning several points but decided against doing so. The look on Steve’s face told him that much of what he would have pointed out was becoming all to clear on its own.

“Say hi to Danny for me,” he simply said. “Tell him I’ll stop by later.”

McGarrett could only nod as he tried to swallow the building lump in his throat. There were so many other things he knew he should say, but the only words he was able to choke out were “I will, Duke.”

**********

As he drove out to Aina Haina, Steve thought back to those awful days at Queens immediately following the second emergency operation. He had nearly haunted the hospital the first few days afterwards. Danny had remained sedated until the afternoon after the surgery. When he awoke, he had done so very sluggishly. Steve had all but become severely worried and was gratified that he was returning to consciousness. The doctor had advised breaking the news to Dan as soon as he was awake but Steve chose to wait a while and give him a chance to actually become oriented before he brought up the subject.

He remembered how upset Dan had been as he awoke. Steve had tried to calm him. He had leaned over his friend and pressed both hands to his shoulders until he saw the hazy blue eyes clear a little. He remembered the way Dan’s eyes had locked onto his. He shuddered as, through the strength of their bond, he saw and felt Dan’s reactions as the shooting replayed itself in his memory. He had squeezed the shoulders beneath his hands and tried to return Dan’s stare with a level, confident one of his own. It had practically been his undoing. Finally he felt the body relax under his grip.

He had spoken to his friend; had asked him how he felt; told him about the surgeries on his chest. Somehow he had even managed to smile a little when Dan replied that he now knew why he felt like his chest had been removed; turned inside out and then put back in his body. He had told him how glad he was that Dan was awake. He wanted to tell him how worried he had been but, as usual, found great difficulty in expressing his feelings. Dan had known that something was still wrong.

“What is it? What are you trying to avoid telling me?” Dan had asked. His speech was slow, as he was still fighting off the powerful sedatives.

For one of the only times in his life, McGarrett attempted to hedge on the truth, on its seriousness. His friend didn’t accept it. He had sighed.

“Must be pretty bad if you are attempting to not say something straight out. Come on, Steve, what is it?”

Slowly, Steve sank down onto the bed, next to Dan. For a few minutes, McGarrett stared at Williams. He thought about what this man had come to mean to him over the years. He thought about how he would practically be willing to sell his soul to avoid what he had to do. Unconsciously, Steve’s leg had brushed the side of Dan’s when he sat next to him. He never gave it a second thought, until he realized there was fear on his friend’s face. He followed the gaze and saw what Dan was staring at. Cursing himself silently for his mental lapse, Steve tried to casually slide his leg away from Dan’s.

“No! Do that again, Steve!”

Cognizant that the truth was nearly out, McGarrett ignored the request and inched forwards a little. Dan’s eyes remained glued to where Steve’s leg had brushed his. Intently staring at his friend, Steve saw his breathing quicken, the eyes dart around and panic fill the expressive face. Realizing that there would be no opportunity to sugar coat the awful news, he felt his chest tighten.

“Hey Danno,” he whispered.

It broke his heart to watch the tumultuous emotions playing out on Dan’s face – shock, grief and a fear that was quickly turning to panic. Dan’s blue eyes finally rose to meet Steve’s. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

McGarrett shuddered and forced himself back to reality. He pulled the car off to the side of the road to gather his thoughts. That memory had been so real that he could have sworn he was back in the hospital with Dan. Regaining his composure, he turned the car back on to the road and continued to the beach house.

***********

Danny sat out on the lanai, thoughtfully watching the man jogging on the beach. He had realized several days ago that Steve was using this place to hide from Five-O, from his responsibilities, from guilt. He appeared to have been successful at all but the guilt. Dan could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at him. There was a haunted expression in them, a never-ending grief. No matter what was said, no matter how many times Williams had asked, McGarrett could not forget the shooting, could not stop blaming himself for something he had no control over.

Williams hated to see the slow destruction of his former boss, his friend, and the strongest person he had ever known. For days he had tried to come up with a way to help his friend. He had only been able to come up with one idea – an idea so repulsive he wouldn’t even consider it. But it seemed to be the only way. Steve could not go on like this.

He heard the door slam. He had to think of Steve, put him first, the same way Steve had put him first these last several months. He had no other options, but God this was going to hurt them both so terribly.

“Danno-“ the loud call from inside the house.

“Out here, Steve.”

McGarrett walked out onto the lanai, still dressed in his jogging suit. He carried a tall glass of juice in one hand and a mug of strong coffee in the other. He handed the coffee to Dan.

“Shouldn’t you be on your way to the Palace?”

Dan swallowed down the nervousness building inside him. He did not want to do this. He sorely wished there were another way. He feared that he was about to take a step that would cause irrevocable damage to the best relationship, the best friendship he had ever known, the strongest support he had ever felt. Their bond had been the commodity that had sustained and supported him for nearly a dozen years. He didn’t know how he’d be able to deal with life after he slammed this door shut.

McGarrett shook his head, a slight grin on his face. “Thought I’d play hooky today. In the mood for some company?”

Steve glanced at his friend and the grin quickly faded. There was something different there – sadness that he couldn’t quite identify. It was almost as if Dan had just lost his best friend.

‘But I’m standing right here with him. And I’ll always be here with him,’ McGarrett rather smugly thought.

For a brief minute, their eyes met. McGarrett knew something was wrong with Williams. The look in Dan’s eyes spoke of a grief that Steve could not place, was unable to trace the source of, but he knew he’d spend the rest of the day, hell – the rest of the week, if necessary, working it out with Dan.

Dan saw the look of support and understanding in the ice blue eyes. He cursed the fact that McGarrett could always read him so easily. Somehow, he would have to rein in his emotions if he were going to get through this, if this had any chance of working. Convincing himself that this was the best thing he could do for Steve, Dan looked away. He shook his head.

“No, as a matter of fact, I think you’ve been hanging around here too much lately and you need to go to the office. You DO have a job to do, you know?”

Amusement flickered on Steve’s face.

“Besides, I’ve got enough to deal with as it is, without you always hanging around reminding me…”

Dan paused as he heard the soft gasp. He wasn’t sure now that he was really going to be able to do this.

“Reminding you of what, Danno?”

He attempted to shut off his raging emotions before he answered. In the long run, this would be best for Steve, no matter how much it hurt them both now.

“What was, what can never be again. Thanks to this!” He gestured at the wheelchair as he glanced over. The guilt he saw on the other face was just too much. He saw Steve take a half step forward and knew that if he was going to do this, he had to do it quickly.

“You know, if it wasn’t for using that pay phone that day, things would be so different now. But obeying orders, listening to you, that was my job, now wasn’t it?”

McGarrett closed his eyes. He had known these emotions would eventually surface, had been waiting for them, but the knowledge did not make this any easier. Still, he felt that the emotional purge would be good for his friend and then they could talk about it. There was no way he was going near the Palace today. With these issues finally coming to the forefront, he would remain rooted at the beach house helping his friend, helping the both of them, finally come to terms with the shooting. They would have the rest of the day to deal with this together.

“Danno…”

Williams turned away. He had to finish this now. Doing this hurt worse than he had thought it would and he knew it was going to hurt pretty badly. Besides he was losing his nerve, his knowledge – his firm belief - that this was what he needed to do. He fixed his gaze on his lap. He couldn’t let Steve see his face. McGarrett would know that he didn’t mean what he was saying if he did. Also Dan knew this way he couldn’t see the emotions building in Steve’s eyes, the hurt that he knew was hidden there. If he saw the hurt he was causing, he knew he would not be able to take this final step, make the final stab in the wounds he was causing in Steve, kick the door shut on the friendship he knew he could not live with losing.

“Now you’re out here all the time. Constantly reminding me of what I can never do again.” He spoke in quick fragmented sentences. He had to spark the anger that would push his friend to move, carry him out the door and away. “What’s done is done, Steve. It happened, all pau, move on. But no. Can’t deal, can’t move on with you always here, always being so devoted. Blame, devotion – never knew they were synonymous, that one could cause the other. But I guess it can when you know that something is your fault…”

“Danno…” Steve’s voice was tight, choked.

“JUST GET OUT ALREADY, WOULD YOU?! GO BACK TO YOUR LIFE! GO USE YOUR LEGS LIKE YOU STILL CAN! AND LET ME LIVE THE LIFE I’VE GOT LEFT IN THIS THING – WITHOUT YOU UNDERFOOT – FEELING SO SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND FOR ME”

“Dan!”

He could hear that Steve’s voice had a hint of anger to it. He was almost there. One more push was all he needed to do.

“LEAVE ALREADY, WOULD YOU? DO YOUR PENANCE ELSEWHERE, STEVE!”

Steve’s anger escalated and he pushed himself away from the lanai railing. Before he could say a word to his friend though –

“I’M SICK OF HAVING TO CONSTANTLY DEAL WITH YOU AROUND – KNOWING WHAT THIS HAS LEFT ME WITH. KNOWING IF I HADN’T DONE WHAT YOU WANTED…” He paused, not wanting to push as far as he was pushing, not wanting to cause even more pain than he already had. God he hated himself for hurting Steve as badly as he was! “Just get out of my life, Steve. GO!”

At the final demand, McGarrett slammed the glass down on the railing, not even noticing it break, as his face closed off into a cold, emotionless mask. On the inside, he felt like he was falling apart. He tried to shut the door on the raging emotions inside him. He’d deal with this later, for now – no more. He turned and went inside. He did not look back.

After a few minutes, the front door slammed. In the distance, on the other side of the house, a car door slammed. Several minutes passed then finally the sound of a car’s engine starting, and then driving away.

As the front door slammed, Dan threw his head back against the chair. He stared unseeingly at the sky. It was over. Somehow, he had managed to get through it and, he thought, succeeded. The dull ache that had been in his chest since he had decided this was the only thing he could do to help McGarrett exploded into a mountain of grief and agony. Tears ran unacknowledged down his cheeks. He looked at the coffee mug in his hand and flung it against the wall. Hearing the shattering of the china, he equated the broken mug to the agony and the emptiness he felt in his heart and the pain he knew Steve was feeling. If only there had been another way…

McGarrett sat in the car for a while before starting the engine. His whole body was shaking from emotions that he fought to rein in and control. Anger burned in his gut and filled his mind. Part of him wanted, needed to go back into the house and confront his friend, this errant kid brother. To yell back and refute what had been said. But hadn’t Dan simply echoed what the shooter had said when McGarrett and Lukela had finally arrested him?

He was angry because his friend had finally confronted him with the truth, finally admitted that he held Steve responsible the same way that Steve held himself responsible for what had happened. Anger had propelled his exit from the house and it controlled a part of him still. But in his heart and soul, hurt and sorrow found their home. He knew that the end had come to a relationship that he had built his life around. The support system he had relied on, the friend he had come to depend on as much as he depended on air to breathe, was now gone. He was not sure how he would continue on without him. Methodically he started the Mercury and drove away from the beach house.

He arrived at the palace and was surprised to find no one else there. Then he realized that it was still early. Walking into his office, he grabbed the files that Duke had put on his desk so long ago. Without reading them or fully understanding what he was doing, he hurriedly signed the forms that would bring the two new detectives onto the Five-O team permanently.

**********

The passing of several weeks found McGarrett buried in the job of running Five-O. He avoided everyone – his detectives, his staff, the DA, the governor. He worked more unrealistically insane hours he had worked in the past. Lately though he had not become very involved in the day to day investigations. Sure he followed them, was aware of what stages they were in if anyone asked. But he left the tedious day to day following to Duke. This kept Lukela still over loaded with work. McGarrett realized this and searched for another detective to bring on staff. No one measured up though. Until McGarrett finally realized that he had been comparing all of them to Williams.

Finally, a few days later McGarrett encountered a detective on a personal mission – an East Coast native on vacation in Hawaii to carry out a personal vendetta. James Carew was a brash, unconventional, uncontrolled, rogue cop. McGarrett had offered him a spot on the team soon after meeting him.

Duke had been aghast when he met the new detective. He knew that the old McGarrett would never have given this guy a second thought much less anything else. But this Steve was definitely not acting like himself. Duke had hid his initial reaction to the man and had kept his opinion to himself. It was not his place to point out what was, he thought, so obvious. Even the Hawaiian name, Kimo, bestowed on him by McGarrett didn’t seem to fit. Carew was the antithesis of the other detectives that had previously been a part of the team.

McGarrett sighed as he qualified the thought even further to himself. He was a detective who was, in every sense, the antithesis of Williams. Wasn’t this what he wanted? Someone on the team who would NOT remind him of the past. He had to force thoughts of Dan from his mind.

That seemed to be impossible – the memory of Dan was everywhere in this office. From the décor, to pictures, even to the book he was currently flipping through. A present given to him right before Chin Ho had been killed, it was a pictorial history of Five-O, complete with stories of their greatest, most legendary and most forgettable escapades and a complete history of the detectives that had passed through the offices. The book had been compiled by one of the Kelly children as a birthday present to Steve with the idea being initiated, as always, by Dan.

So many changes as time had passed. He sighed. Now the newest bit of information – his old friend wanting to retire at the end of the year. Steve couldn’t blame Lukela, was in fact a little envious that he had a life to want to retire for. The stress of the last year had definitely taken its toll on Duke – on them both. But Steve still could not admit, face what the effects of the last year had done to him. Much less the last several months or even the last couple of weeks.

He had done as Dan had asked and stayed away from the beach house. The first several days, even the first week, it had been fairly easy. He had been fueled by his anger. The fire of his temper had slowly died though and was replaced by hurt and a sense of loneliness that Steve had never felt before. Yet his thoughts, his heart had never strayed far from Aina Haina. His emotions were making him cross, irritable. His short fuse was about to explode. He knew it yet was unable to do anything to change his mood. The staff knew it also as they all did their best to stay out of the boss’ way.

Out in the office, Duke sat at his desk. He had been surprised that Steve had taken the announcement of him wanting to retire as calmly as he had. McGarrett’s volatile temper was legendary. He was on the verge of an explosion soon. Duke thought back to the last time that he had seen an eruption.

In a flash of irony it had been one of Danny’s old snitches that had come up with a lead on the elusive sniper. Going to the run down apartment building, McGarrett was edgy with anticipation. When the suspect had fled out the fire escape, the two detectives along with several cars from HPD had given chase. McGarrett had been the one to trap him in an alley. He had angrily slammed the disheveled man into the nearest wall. His reason, his logic fled once he set his sights on the person responsible for Dan’s paralysis. Revenge filled him. He wanted nothing more than to continue to slam this guy’s face into the wall – to destroy him the way he had destroyed everything that was important, that mattered in McGarrett’s life, in Williams’ life. He couldn’t change what had happened no matter how badly he wanted to, but he could avenge it. He never heard the approaching footsteps. Barely felt a hand on his shoulder trying to restrain him. Duke finally succeeded in pulling McGarrett off of the suspect. He hadn’t thought he’d be able to stop him and wondered if he even should. But finally he had gotten Steve’s attention and managed to turn the suspect over to the uniformed officers who had backed them up.

McGarrett was ragged, out of breath, ready to explode. His eyes angrily asked why Duke had pulled him off the guy. ‘Because Danny would not want you to do this’ had been the low, intent reply. It had stopped Steve cold in his tracks like nothing else could. Slowly he walked away from the now handcuffed suspect.

Duke thought back to McGarrett’s reactions once the sniper had been arrested.

The boss had been physically and emotionally worn out. The day when McGarrett had erupted in the office over the possibility of bringing new detectives to the team, Duke had known that the boss had desperately needed to get away. He had been grateful when Steve had decided to leave early, knowing that he was headed to the beach house and had hoped that he would spend several days there. McGarrett had been gone a while but had not been in a better frame of mind when he had returned.

The Hawaiian slapped his desk, irritated at his own stupidity. He should have seen it sooner – before Steve had brought that renegade detective to the team. McGarrett had not been to the beach house in several weeks. Pleased with himself he hurried over to the closed door. Now he just had to get the boss out of the office & to the beach house for a few days. Then everything would be fine again.

He knocked on the office door and opened it, walking in. McGarrett looked up from the book he was looking at as Duke approached the desk. He saw the look that crossed the Hawaiian’s face as he noticed the book.

“What’s up, Duke?”

Now that he was there, Lukela suddenly wasn’t sure how to approach the subject of the beach house with his boss. McGarrett had been decidedly close mouthed of late regarding the place.

“You know, we’ve all been putting in a lot of hours of late, Steve, you especially. Was just thinking that this might be a good time for you to take a break. A few extra days off combined with the weekend. You could spend them at the beach house. A mini-vacation might be good.”

McGarrett saw right through Duke’s hedging over the subject. He knew the detective was tactfully suggesting that Steve needed a change of scenery. Not knowing too much about what had happened the last few weeks, Duke had noticed, though, that Steve had not been out to Aina Haina and figured out that a visit would be just what the boss needed. He wished it were that simple. He lowered his eyes to the book and, inadvertently found himself staring at a picture of himself with Duke and Dan. He couldn’t remember when it had been taken. He stared at the expressions on their faces as misery and a touch of anger at what Dan had done sparked inside him.

“The beach house is kapu, Duke.”

Lukela was puzzled and it showed. Steve had never intended on mentioning the banishment to anyone but found he could not stop himself.

“I’m staying away from the beach house…and its occupant – per Dan’s request!”

“WHAT!”

Before Duke could say anything else, McGarrett indicated the subject was not up for discussion. He quickly told Duke to take the rest of the day off since he, too, had been working so hard of late.

Summarily dismissed, Duke left the office, confused and angry. He knew he needed more of an explanation as to what had happened. He also knew that said explanation was not going to come from McGarrett. That left only one other person. Going to his car, he set out for Aina Haina, becoming angrier and angrier with Dan as he drove.

***********

Since there wasn’t much that he was able to do on his own, Williams was logging a lot of time simply sitting out on the lanai. The peace and quiet of the beach was giving him way too much time to think. His mind was concentrating on only one general subject – Steve McGarrett. Once the pain and grief over forcing Steve to leave had eased a little, Dan found himself constantly thinking about his friend. Little sounds, a thought, any number of things could trigger a memory for him. Dan’s hand absently brushed his leg. He didn’t feel the touch but he saw it. His mind moved to another time a few months prior when he had seen but not felt a touch.

He had known something was drastically different when he opened his eyes. Steve was there with deep dark circles under his eyes and lines of worry etched on his face. As Dan woke up, he had relived the shooting. He felt McGarrett’s hands on his shoulders trying to hold him still. His eyes locked onto Steve’s, like a drowning person would grab a life preserver. There was such a calm, steady strength in them. Like he had done so many times prior in his life, he allowed himself to lean on that strength until the awful images went away. Gradually he had relaxed.

He remembered Steve speaking, but no longer knew exactly what he had said. He knew there was something wrong. He could tell from the way his friend was acting – very un-McGarrett like. He had urged Steve to just say whatever needed to be said and had been surprised to watch him continue to hedge.

Then McGarrett had sat down on the bed next to him and Dan’s world came to a screeching halt. Dan watched as their legs inadvertently touched and he didn’t feel a thing. His mind froze. Incapable of thought, he had simply stared. He had been somewhat aware that Steve was studying him for some reason. Then his line of sight had been followed and Steve realized what had happened. In a quick glance, Dan read the myriad of hidden emotions in McGarrett, knew what he had been unable to say and the world collapsed around him. He had looked away. The grief he had seen in Steve’s eyes had been too much. He had his own emotions escalating and could not deal with what he saw in those eyes nor did he want to burden his friend with his own feelings.

Danny closed his eyes and almost felt like he was back in that hospital room. The memory of that day was still fresh enough that the emotions were again enveloping him, threatening this time to drown him. He slammed his fist onto the chair’s armrest. So much had been destroyed by those bullets! So many plans and dreams shattered! Not just his either – he could acknowledge that now. The one thing he still could not acknowledge was what the shooting had done to his relationship with Steve. Danny’s chest tightened as he thought about all the pain he had seen in Steve’s eyes both at the hospital and here at the beach house.

He remembered the only thing that Steve had said when he had realized that Dan figured out what McGarrett was unable to say out loud.

‘Hey Danno’ – in that simple quiet call McGarrett had somehow managed to convey all of the concern, all of the affection that he felt for Dan.

Dan had heard it in Steve’s voice. He had looked at the hand on his arm. Nothing would ever be the same again, including his relationship with the man that had been sitting next to him on the bed. Their bond was still there, as strong as ever. But he had known that life had altered their paths.

‘Hey Danno.’

The whispered words from that day in the hospital replayed themselves so clearly in Dan’s mind that he could have sworn Steve was there with him. But he was still alone when he opened his eyes – his own doing. HE was the one who had pushed his friend away. HE was the one who had hurt his friend and drove him out that door. Now he would simply need to go on with life somehow. He hoped Steve had gone on with his and had found some closure to the awful incident that had destroyed them as individuals as well as the relationship they had shared for so long.

Dan found it ironic that he could now admit that it had been the tone and emotion in Steve’s whispered ‘hey Danno’ in the hospital that had been the anchor that Dan had emotionally grabbed onto that day. When he had turned to look at McGarrett, Steve’s face was a mere inches from his own. He had seen the expressions on Steve’s face change as he studied Dan, read the look, the emotions on his readable face.

“Don’t you give up on me, Danno.”

That phrase! The one that had consistently been used as their veiled threat to the other over the years to be the one breathing down the other’s neck when ever there was trouble, their promise to always be there for the other. Dan had been confused by its use this time. What did Steve mean? Nothing would ever be the same again. There was no way it could be considering what had happened. Dan would quit Five-O. Steve would appoint a new second in command and life, as they had known it, their friendship the way it had been was pau.

Approaching clairvoyance, Steve had squeezed Dan’s arm and confidently stated, “This isn’t going to change a thing, got it?”

If anyone else but McGarrett had made the statement, Dan would have laughed. McGarrett made it seem not just an idea but an actual probability.

“Trust me, Aikane.”

So he had done just that. Put aside all of his doubts and fears and had simply trusted Steve. Certain things were inevitable, like his resignation from Five-O. He knew that Steve wanted to fight it, wanted to find a way to maintain the status quo. He could see the turmoil, the resistance in Steve’s eyes when Dan first suggested that it was time to process the necessary paperwork. This time it had been Dan who had been able to interject some calm into raging emotions and had convinced Steve that the resignation was the only option that made sense.

Then there were the problems that had seemed insurmountable to Dan but were

child’s play to Steve. One of the largest problems Dan had faced was how to get around his apartment in the wheelchair. In typical McGarrett fashion, Steve had taken that dilemma and its accompanying decision out of Dan’s hands by remodeling his beach house at Aina Haina without first discussing it with Dan. Then the next time the subject of the apartment came up, he had quietly told Williams that he had terminated the lease and moved Dan’s belongings out to the beach house.

“Steve! You did what? Why? “

McGarrett had smirked for a minute but then uncharacteristically practically stuttered towards the end of his explanation. “It was the logical thing to do. The apartment was not conducive to the… The beach house is a better place for you right now, Danno.”

Williams had noted Steve’s inability to say the words wheelchair or paralysis in conjunction with Dan.

Dan opened his eyes and wheeled the chair in to the living room. He looked around at all of the work that had been done on the house. Hated to even guess how much the renovations had ultimately cost Steve – and knew he did not mean just financially. In the long term, the bullets and the wheelchair had cost McGarrett and Williams everything they had held closest to their hearts. Dan stared at nothing in particular, acutely missing his friend.

The door opened and then slammed suddenly. He looked up, surprised to see Duke standing there. It had been a while since he had seen the detective. One glance at the expression told Dan that the Hawaiian was highly irritated about something.

Duke paused for a few minutes. The mere thought of Danny in a wheelchair never failed to affect him and now the actual sight of it - It was one of the reasons why he was not a frequent visitor to Aina Haina. But then until recently Steve had been a constant presence leaving no need for Duke to be. Reminding himself that he had come here with a specific purpose, he looked away from Dan.

“How could you? How could you have done that to him, Danny? Do you even have a clue about the way this is tearing him apart? Do you even care? You used to care! His opinion used to be the only thing you needed to make a decision. Guess that’s not true anymore!”

Duke stopped to take a breath as he realized he hadn’t been breathing as he hurled the questions at Dan. He was unnerved at the level of anger he felt towards Dan. But then this was Steve that Dan had done this to. Steve and Dan had been so close for so long. That was what had made it so hard to believe. McGarrett was close to being emotionally destroyed this time. That fact was Duke’s driving force. The respect and friendship he had felt for Steve for years fueled his rage.

Dan was shocked at the outburst. Duke was usually so quiet and controlled. He couldn’t even remember Duke being this unhinged when it had appeared that he had taken money in exchange for information (episode – Death Is a Company Policy). But Duke was definitely livid about something now and Dan knew that the ‘he’ was Steve.

“Duke…”

“My god, the two of you – you would have done anything for each other! Each of you was always the constant in the other’s life. He’d still be here by your side every chance he got if not for what you’ve done! You’ve ripped him to pieces this time, Danny. As if everything else that has happened wasn’t enough, you had to go and take it even further. OK so maybe you can’t handle having reminders of the way things were around. Couldn’t you have withstood it for him? Put Steve’s needs first this time instead of your own? Did you have to kick him out of your life like a piece of trash? Do you really care so little about him and how he feels?”

Danny couldn’t help but flinch at the last few remarks. The last one, especially, really hurt. If Duke only knew how much he cared about how Steve felt! One thing was definite, though, he wasn’t sure of the details but knew that Duke had realized that Steve had not been out here for a while and had also discovered the reason why. His eyes blinked shut as he wondered if Steve was still so angry at him over it that he had come to believe and portrayed it as if Dan had set out to deliberately, belligerently get rid of everything from the past, including McGarrett.

Swallowing the misery the thought produced, Dan decided that if that were the only way McGarrett could deal with their last conversation then he would let it stay that way. Somehow, he would have to get Duke to tell him exactly what Steve had said. But before he did that, there was one thing his heart had to know.

When Duke was quiet for a few seconds, Dan jumped in.

“How is he, Duke?”

Duke gaped at him for a minute not sure why Dan was asking how Steve was considering what had happened. Anger fueled a response.

“WHY DO YOU CARE?”

“Duke, I care. I…How has Steve been doing?”

Still mildly incensed at what he had been assuming, Duke became confused as to why Dan actually still cared about Steve. A small nagging doubt about what had happened between the two began to take shape in his brain. He wondered if maybe he should not have been so hasty in assuming Dan’s guilt. But McGarrett HAD said that he had not been back here ‘per Dan’s request’. What WAS going on?

“Look, I realize it might be none of my business. But too bad because I’m involved now & that makes it my business. So what exactly happened between the two of you, Danny?”

This time Duke’s voice was more questioning and less accusatory, but still very angry.

“It’s a very long story.”

Duke moved over to a chair and planted himself in it.

“Well I guess I’m not going anywhere for a while. And you aren’t exactly in the position to go running out the door. So start talking.”

Dan winced at Duke’s comment. Realizing that Duke had never told him how Steve was doing, he reiterated the question.

“You, for some reason, want to know about Steve. I want to know what happened. ME, first – start talking.”

Williams was shocked by Lukela’s obstinance. Sure he had always known that there was a firmness about him, maybe even a certain bull-headedness. But hell – all of the Five-O detectives were a little stubborn. Had to be if they were going to be able to handle the boss. Feeling the age-old, ever-present need to protect McGarrett the way he always had, Dan thought about how much of the story he was going to tell Duke. He knew he needed to start with an admission in order to get Duke to accept what he was going to say.

“Hurting Steve has never been a goal of mine, Duke. You know that! This was different!”

Dan sighed at the skeptical look on Duke’s face.

“How do I tell you that what I said and did I did FOR Steve – to help him, not hurt him!”

Dan looked away. He had managed to convince himself that pushing Steve away really was the best thing for McGarrett. Now the doubt came flooding back along with his own hurt at his friend’s exile.

“Look you don’t have to believe me! BUT you and I have known each other a long time, Duke. You know how I feel about Steve, how important his friendship is to me.”

Subconsciously, Duke noted that Danny was speaking in the present tense when he spoke about Steve and their friendship. Something simply did not sound right! Dan had kicked Steve out of his life but now sat there and acted like he still cared about him. Duke’s confusion escalated as he stared at Dan. He could see the emotions written on his face.

Danny turned the wheelchair away from the Hawaiian. He felt an intense need to hide his own emotions from Duke regarding the banishment but couldn’t immediately explain why. His attention was grabbed by a framed painting that hung on the wall above the sofa. A vibrant, colorful sea scene – it was the artist’s signature that he stared at. ‘S McGarrett’ - Even in the small writing in the corner of a painting, the signature jumped out at him with its boldness and forcefulness.

“Danny, why did you really kick Steve out of here?”

Duke’s voice was softer this time. It was as if he had somehow figured out that things were not as simple and straightforward as he had assumed. Dan dropped his head down to his chest before replying.

“Steve was spending so much time here, ignoring the office and what went on there. I figured he did it because he felt he had to. Whenever he was out here he always looked so troubled, so guilt ridden because of what happened. I figured it would be better for him to be able to make a clean break. To get back to being what made him Steve McGarrett – so I told him to leave and not come back.”

It was an abbreviated version. But Dan did not think that Duke needed to hear all of the specific details of that final conversation with Steve. He could barely think about that conversation without nearly breaking down and could already feel the knot tightening in his chest. He did not want to do that in front of Lukela. He also did not want Duke hearing the awful things he had yelled at Steve. Somehow repeating them would have made them seem real – this way Dan could try to forget that he’d actually said them.

Duke listened to Dan’s words, slowly realizing that Dan really had not been out to hurt Steve. But he had, that was the worst part of it. Obviously, he had also hurt himself because Duke could hear the misery in his voice. Duke wondered what to do about his two friends. Both were so clearly miserable without the other being around. Yet at this stage he also knew that both would be too stubborn to admit that fact. He thought Dan might be able to admit that he was wrong to banish McGarrett, but Steve’s Irish temper would make it harder for him to forgive Williams. Maybe somehow he could orchestrate a way to get the two most stubborn men he knew together and force them to talk out the past, renew the friendship that both men so obviously needed to survive.

*******

Dan stared unseeingly at the television. He could not believe the story that had just been reported. Alika getting off on a technicality because of a mistake made during the Five-O investigation! It was unheard of, unthinkable even! He knew Steve was probably ranting and raving at the current situation.

Mark Maynard, the reporter Steve hated, suddenly filled the screen. Williams swore under his breath, knowing that the reporter had made it his lifetime goal to destroy McGarrett and Five-O. Seeing that the reporter’s story followed the story on the Alika mess, Dan felt that an already bad situation was about to get worse.

‘We have noticed that many local stations on the mainland have taken to showing you bloopers, the comedic highlights of a week in sports or something like that. After much searching, we have found our own topic for such a series here on the islands. It is a series that I will have the distinct pleasure of hosting.’

He paused and shifted as the camera angles moved. A blank screen was behind him, ready to broadcast the story once the introduction was complete. He smirked a little, knowing he had his long sought prey in a chokehold at this point.

‘Starting tonight, we bring you a new weekly series called…’ he paused for emphasis. ‘FIVE-O FOLLIES!’

The screen behind him moved into a picture of McGarrett with the words ‘Five-O Follies’ imprinted on all but his face. Then the television screen switched to showing McGarrett leaving a building, pushing away the camera and microphones that were being shoved at him and in his face. Without it being said, Dan knew that the scene had taken place earlier in the day at the courthouse following the Alika trial. Steve was brusque, nearly rude, as he brushed past the reporters. Dan studied the face on the screen. McGarrett looked decidedly peeved, but also worn. It was more than just a physical weariness that Dan saw in the face. It was a weariness that went to the mind, maybe even to his spirit. An aching guilt filled Dan as he wished he could call Steve and offer help, even if it could only be the emotional support from a friend. He fought down the urge. Instead he picked up the phone and called Duke.

“Hello, Danny.”

Williams was shocked at the way the phone was answered. How did Duke know it was him? He paused.

“How did you know?”

“Because I’m also watching the news.”

“What happened, Duke?”

Duke snorted.

“With what? This investigation? Or the others that somehow managed to escape the media?”

Williams sighed. How had things managed to get so incredibly messed up?

“What’s going on, Duke? Are things at the Palace that bad? What about the new guys?”

“Truck and Lori are OK, Dan. But they don’t have the drive to be Five-O. Kimo – he’s trouble. I told Steve that before he officially brought him on. But he wasn’t in the mood to listen then. Now – Kimo – he worries me, Danny.”

“What do you mean?”

Duke vacillated for several seconds. He knew he’d already said too much about the new guys already. If Dan heard this, he’d…well, it wouldn’t be a good thing. But he also knew that Danny wouldn’t give up until he found out why Lukela was worried. This was one of the traits about Williams that reminded Duke so much of McGarrett - neither one ever gave up.

“One of these days, Kimo is going to do something or NOT do something and it’s going to end up getting Steve injured - - or worse.”

Dan could have sworn his heart skipped a beat upon hearing Duke’s words – especially the end. In a slightly shaky voice, Dan asked Lukela to promise to get in touch with him if it something ever happened to Steve.

“I don’t want to find out by watching the late news, Duke.”

Duke agreed, knowing that everything that was happening with Five-O was hurting Williams as badly as it was bugging McGarrett. The complete helplessness that Dan had to be feeling was also unnerving. Before he had been able to get involved, right the wrongs that were happening, listen to Steve rant if there was nothing he could actually do to help. Now he couldn’t do anything but sit on the sidelines and watch. Duke knew being in Dan’s position would drive him crazy. He felt sorry for the former second in command.

*********

A couple of weeks later:

Duke screeched the car to a halt by the beach house. His adrenaline from the scene in the warehouse was still pumping and he’d broken most of the speed limits driving out to Aina Haina. He briefly thought that he should have called Dan on the phone first but knew that there hadn’t been time for that much planning.

Seeing Steve unconscious and having Kimo take a shot at him had seriously unnerved the normally steady Hawaiian. He had barely been able to remain calm while Steve was loaded into the ambulance. He had not regained consciousness the whole ride to the hospital and was still unconscious when Duke left. The doctor had said it was just a mild concussion. Lukela had waged a minor argument within himself. It wasn’t that serious, but he HAD promised Dan that he would tell him personally if something happened to Steve. Duke also knew that if he were in Danny’s place, he would not want to hear the news over the phone.

Stopping at the door for a minute to try to catch his breath, Duke raised his fist and nearly pounded on the door. He agonized over how to break the news to Danny as he waited for the door to open. It seemed to take forever. Finally, the door opened but collided with the chair. The chair moved back a little and the door opened wider. Duke stared down at Dan, speechless. Danny studied the Hawaiian’s facial expression and dread filled him.

“How bad?”

“He’s alive, Danny. But…”

Trying to control his racing heart, Dan rolled the wheelchair out of the door towards Duke’s car. He did not wait for Duke to finish his sentence.

“Let’s go.”

Duke had never thought about how many problems came with transporting the wheelchair. But somehow Danny managed to get himself in the car and Duke folded the wheelchair, almost throwing it in the trunk with revulsion. He hated the thing! He got in the car and started back towards Honolulu and the hospital. On the drive back, Dan asked for details on what had actually happened.

Duke related how they had gotten a tip on one of Alika’s warehouses and had gone there with HPD backup to raid the building. He told Dan how he had stayed at the back entrance and Steve and Kimo had gone through the front. Duke admitted that he had not known exactly what had happened but suddenly found himself looking down Kimo’s gun. He’d barely been able to jump out of the way at the same instant he heard the cop fire. Bedlam had raged for a few minutes and when things began to calm down, Duke had realized that McGarrett was lying near a wall unconscious. Kimo had readily admitted to firing his gun at Duke but maintained that he thought Duke was one of Alika’s men. Then he even admitted to pushing McGarrett out of the line of fire and into the wall of boxes. Duke had turned the detective towards the ‘wall of boxes’ and angrily gestured toward the concrete.

“What was Kimo doing with Steve? You’re the second! You should have been there!”

“Dan, I’m retiring at the end of the year. Remember? Steve is working with Kimo. HE’S the second in command now, not me.”

Williams fumed quietly for a few minutes. Then he finally asked the question that his heart had been asking since he saw the Hawaiian’s worried face.

“How’s Steve?”

“He has a concussion, Dan. When I left, the doc seemed a little concerned that he was still unconscious.”

Duke fell silent and Dan did not speak the rest of the ride towards the hospital. His mind and his heart were already there with his friend.

********

Duke pulled up in front of the hospital and silently fumed again at the extra time required with the wheelchair. He knew that McGarrett’s injury was not life threatening. However he still felt an urgent need to get Dan in the hospital and upstairs inside the room. Dan was barely settled inside the chair when Kimo came strolling out of the hospital headed for his car. Before Duke realized what was happening, Dan rolled his chair directly in front of the detective blocking his path. The man stared at him blankly, not recognizing who Williams was at first.

“YOU BLEW IT!!”

“Excuse me!”

“YOUR JOB – YOUR NUMBER ONE JOB AS THE FIVE-O SECOND IN COMMAND IS TO ALWAYS, ALWAYS PROTECT McGARRETT! GOT IT!”

“I don’t believe MY job is any concern of yours!” Carew rather haughtingly answered.

Lukela hurried over, wincing at the reply. Kimo had no clue. He really needed to just be quiet, but Duke doubted that he would. He was actually afraid for the detective. Duke hadn’t remembered seeing Dan quite this angry in a while.

“IT’S MORE OF MINE CONCERN THAN YOU MIGHT THINK, CAREW! STEVE’S HIGH PROFILE SO HE WILL ALWAYS BE A TARGET FOR EVERY SCUM ON THIS ROCK! AT LEAST I NEVER CAUSED HIS INJURIES!!”

Scorn filled the detective’s face. “Williams. What rock did you crawl out from under? What gives you the right to even be here? This is a Five-O matter and that’s not YOUR concern.”

Duke quickly intervened before Danny could respond. Carew was being incredibly dumb and the Hawaiian felt like he needed to save him from Dan at this point.

“DANNY. We need to get inside.”

Dan knew that Lukela was right, but he really wanted nothing more than to level this sorry excuse for a detective for what he had done. Finally, he admitted to himself that although punching the man would have been enjoyable, Duke was correct. Knowing it would be quicker, he allowed Duke to push the wheelchair away from Carew and into the hospital.

Once inside Duke learned that McGarrett was still unconscious. He got permission from the doctor for them to visit McGarrett and pushed Dan’s wheelchair down the hall to the door of the room. Entering the room, he pushed Dan up as close to the bed as the chair would allow and then went to stand on the other side. The boss was still, his eyes closed. It appeared as if he was asleep and not unconscious. Lukela looked over at Dan. He saw the emotion, the guilt nearly flooding his face and knew that he could not stay in the room. This was strictly between the two of them. He quietly told Dan that he would wait outside and left.

“Steve, it’s Danny. Can you wake up?”

Silence was his reply. Dan lowered his head to his hand. He had been so wrong! He glanced up at his friend.

“Steve! I need to talk to you. You need to wake up.”

Danny sighed and then sat there quietly watching his unconscious friend. He wasn’t sure exactly how much time had passed. He’d become so accustomed to the silence in the room that he almost didn’t hear the mumbling. He stared at McGarrett trying to determine what he was hearing.

“No … look out! – NO! … Danno, get down!”

Danny started, surprised to hear Steve call out. Then he placed his hand on Steve’s arm.

“Steve! It’s OK! You’re safe.”

“Get down, Danno.”

“Sssshhhhhh – it’s OK, Steve.”

McGarrett’s head was restlessly jerking back and forth a little. He continued to utter warnings to the man that he was watching in his mind while Dan kept trying to settle him down.

“Steve, we’re both fine. Everything’s OK now. Except you need to wake up. Steve, wake up now!”

Danny gently shook the arm underneath his hand. Slowly he saw eyelids flutter. He grew quiet as he waited for McGarrett to fully awaken but kept his hand on Steve’s arm. It was important to him that Steve knew he was not alone as he returned to consciousness.

Steve’s eyes blinked open. He saw blurry white walls in his unfocused sight. However in his mind’s eye, he clearly saw a much different vision. Danno was in danger! He was going to be hurt – no, killed – if Steve didn’t act and act quickly. Yet he felt like he couldn’t move. He couldn’t reach his friend! He was going to be too late to help him!

“Danno!!” Steve screamed but in actuality his voice was a hoarse whisper.

Unable to get his attention, Dan gently patted his friend’s arm and tried to reassure him. Gradually Steve’s sight focused better and he turned his head towards the low murmurs he had become aware of. He blinked a few times as if he wasn’t sure that what he was seeing was real.

“Danno?”

Dan had to swallow down the lump in his throat to reply to the nearly incredulous whisper.

“Yeah, Steve, I’m here.”

“What…” McGarrett started to reach a hand up towards his head, but Dan grabbed his arm.

“Don’t do that. You’ll pull out the IV. Relax, it’s just a precaution. You’ve got a nasty little concussion - one of the drawbacks of meeting a concrete wall up close.”

He tried to joke but knew that it came out flat. He was too worried, too guilt-ridden to kid around with McGarrett at the moment. For his part, Steve looked puzzled like he was trying to ask a question but wasn’t sure of what the question was. Steve sighed and his eyes started to close.

“Glad you’re here, Danno,” he mumbled.

Williams remained silent knowing there was no way he could have answered his friend. McGarrett slept under his watchful eye. Dan couldn’t help but wonder when the accounting was going to come. He knew that Steve would force an explanation from him for their last conversation. He was not looking forward to explaining his reasoning to McGarrett. He had actually expected, and in some ways still expected, to get tossed out of the room when Steve woke up. For the moment, he just sat beside the hospital bed and watched Steve.

The quiet did not last long though. McGarrett’s eyes popped open with a start. Ignoring the pain in his head, he turned to see the person sitting next to him.

“I wasn’t dreaming. What are you doing here?”

Before Dan could answer, he continued.

“Get out of here! You’ve got other things to worry about. Don’t need you worrying about me!”

“Steve…”

‘NO, JUST GO! You wanted me to stay away from you and I have. Now I’m asking you to stay away from me!”

Dan didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He knew Steve was still upset but did not feel that he could actually explain why he had said what he had said. Slowly, carefully, very much aware that a pair of ice cold blue eyes was staring at him, he backed the chair up and moved towards the door.

On the way back to Aina Haina, Duke couldn’t help but notice Dan’s reticence. An ill feeling gripped the Hawaiian detective as he realized that nothing good had come out of the hospital visit. He thought about questioning Dan but realized that first he had to settle his own differences with Williams.

He pulled up in front of the beach house and retrieved the wheel chair from the trunk, glaring at it in disgust as he set it up and wheeled it next to the passenger door. He moved over as if to assist Dan, but was waved away.

“I got it. I can handle it from here – thanks, anyway, Duke.”

There was a certain dismissive quality to Dan’s voice that was evident but Duke chose to ignore it. Once Dan was seated in it, Duke leaned over him, stopping Dan from moving the chair.

“I’d like to come in and stay a while. We need to talk, Danny.”

Danny’s sigh was evident. Duke could tell that he really did not want to talk, but was grateful when Dan nodded. He allowed Duke to push the chair into the house and then looked at the detective.

“Can we talk out on the lanai? I’m feeling a little closed in.”

Duke chose not to respond, but instead went to open the lanai doors. He went to assist Dan with moving the chair, but was this time waved off. He moved back to give Dan some room before following him outside. Dan was quiet as he stared off at the water. He REALLY did not want to talk. He had a lot of thinking he wanted to do and decisions he felt he needed to make but had decided that Duke looked like there was something he needed to say. He waited to see what that was. Duke studied Dan for several minutes as if he was trying to plan out in his mind what he wanted – needed – to say.

“Danny…I owe you an apology. I jumped to conclusions a few weeks ago. You were right then. I have known you a long time and I should have known that you would never have willingly said what you said to just hurt Steve. And well…I’m sorry.”

When Danny looked over at him, Duke was relieved to see the acceptance of the apology on his face. He had not realized how afraid he had been that this time he had stepped over some type of line with Dan.

“You also need to know why I’ve never come out here that much. No, Dan, I really need to tell you this OK? I used to tell myself that Steve was here so I didn’t need to worry about anything. But then once Steve was no longer out here that much, it forced me to face up to the real reasons. I couldn’t hide behind believing that Steve was handling things here. I knew I had to face you, but it wasn’t something I thought I could do.”

Duke watched the expression on Dan’s face change to a look of wariness and he knew he needed to hurry through his explanation.

“It’s not you, Danny – never has been. It’s THAT CHAIR! I HATE it! I look at that chair and all I can think about is how it shouldn’t be this way. But there isn’t a thing I can do to change what has happened!”

Dan nodded. “I understand, Duke. This has not been easy on any of us.”

“Least of all, you and Steve -- what happened, Dan?”

Williams turned his head, suddenly uncomfortable again. He wasn’t sure if, this time, he needed to protect McGarrett or himself.

“You know you were in the room with Steve a while. I thought maybe the two of you…”

“Well, that’s not going to happen this time, Duke.” Dan had to interrupt. Hearing Duke voice the thought that Dan and Steve had worked things out was not something that he could hear at the moment.

“I knew – I knew when I said those things to him that he wouldn’t be able to easily forget them, much less even consider forgiving me for saying them. At the time, it was a chance I thought I had to take. Now I’ve got to live with doing that because Steve definitely intends on holding me to what I said to him.”

“Maybe if you tried explaining to him why…”

“He doesn’t want to hear why, Duke.”

“Exactly WHAT did you say to him, Danny?”

“Duke…”

“Danny.”

Duke leaned against the railing and Dan realized that the Hawaiian would probably force a detailed explanation at this point. Slowly he explained the details of his last conversation with Steve. He also reiterated how he had fully believed that sending Steve away was the only way to help him.

As Duke listened to Dan’s account, dismay filled him. His mind replayed a very similar scene weeks prior to that last conversation when the they had finally caught up with the shooter. As Danny went into greater detail about exactly what he had said to Steve, Duke couldn’t help but grimace, as he more fully understood the origin of Steve’s ire and pain with the conversation. Although he still heard Dan’s words, he saw Steve’s face and heard nearly those same words come out of another’s mouth.

Steve had been the one to finally catch up with Meekiu. Duke had known that there would be an intense need in McGarrett to arrest the one responsible for Dan’s paralysis. He had not thought that McGarrett would go as far as wanting to end the man’s life. He should have known better. He had watched, shocked, as McGarrett slammed the Meekiu into a wall. “Why?” had been the tortured question.

‘Hey who cares! Just cops! Not like they matter or anything!’

McGarrett had shoved him up against the wall again. He had the nearly uncontrollable drive to squash this scum much the way one would crush an insect under their shoe.

‘The last one, the detective in the phone booth – how did you know?’

The question was ground out through clenched teeth. He had not wanted to ask, but had also not been able to stop himself from asking.

‘OH THAT ONE! Saw him snooping around, knew he was a cop right away. Was going to let him go, but when he went to the phone booth –‘

He cackled then - an almost insane laugh. It had sent shivers through Duke.

‘It was too easy. Had such a clean shot that I just couldn’t resist it. Only reason I took a shot was cuz he went to the phone booth.’

Duke ran a hand over his face, unable to believe the similarity between Meekiu’s arrest and reply to Steve and the reasons Dan had listed for sending Steve away.

“Oh Danny – you didn’t! Why those reasons?”

Dan’s obvious confusion at the question told Lukela that he had no clue as to why those reasons were the worst ones possible. Duke patiently explained to Dan that Steve had blamed himself for the shooting from the beginning. Then he told Dan about the incident with Meekiu and what he had said to Steve. He watched Dan’s face fall.

“I thought that by sending him away, he could get rid of the guilt. That the guilt was there because he spent so much time out here with me. All I ended up doing was confirming it in his mind.”

Dan dropped his head to his chest. “Duke, what have I done?”

Knowing that he had to find some way to help both Dan and Steve, Duke left the beach house shortly after. As he drove back to Honolulu, he tried to come up with a way to explain things to Steve and get the two men in a position where they could talk things out.

*******

A couple of days later:

Duke squared off against his very angry boss. Normally a place he never wanted to be in, this time he knew he had to somehow manage to achieve the impossible – the intimidation of one of the master intimidators, Steve McGarrett. THIS, though, was ultimately for Steve’s own good.

“He’s been your best friend for over a dozen years, Steve!”

“I KNOW THAT!” McGarrett angrily stomped out onto the lanai, throwing the response back over his shoulder. He winced at his pounding headache.

Duke followed Steve out on to the lanai, leaning against the concrete pillar opposite him. He couldn’t give up on this yet not when he sensed a breakthrough so near. McGarrett punched the air in an attempt to release some of his frustration. Lukela watched him quietly waiting for the opportunity to say something that he felt would be the ending argument. Steve just had to be in the right frame of mind to hear it. He was almost there.

“I kicked him out, Duke. He came to me and, this time, I’M the one who told him to leave. How can I ask him to forgive me for that when I’m not sure I’ve forgiven myself for any number of things since the shooting?”

Duke winced at the memory of hearing Dan tell him what had happened in the Steve’s hospital room. He wondered again how he managed to always get caught between what had to be the two most stubborn men on the planet.

“Have you forgiven Danny for what he said to you that day?”

“Of course.” McGarrett’s answer was a tad too quick. Duke chose to ignore it.

“What if I told you that he did not mean a word of it, Steve? That the only reason he said that he blamed you was that, in his own way, he thought that it was the only way to get you to leave, to help you get over the guilt he knew you were carrying around. He never has blamed you, Steve. Everything that happened that day was a stupid coincidence. You both need to forgive yourselves for what happened in the past.”

Steve vehemently shook his head and instantly held his head in his hands as a wave of dizziness washed over him. Duke knew he had returned to the office too soon as normal. But then there was only one person who could ever get Steve to take even the minimal amount of time off after an injury and that was usually only with severe cajoling and sometimes, downright threatening if not round the clock baby-sitting. Duke knew he just needed to push on with his original plan and somehow get McGarrett to see what needed to be done.

“You know the two of you used to be forced to trust the other with your lives. That might be a starting point.” He waited for a comment, a reply, something from McGarrett. Hearing nothing, he continued. “Trust is the foundation that your friendship with Dan was, and is, built on. Both of you proved your trust in the other over the years. You can’t stand there and tell me that the foundation is so fragile that it would collapse just like that – because of one conversation. Oh sure, it’s strained, hurt now. But isn’t this the real test of your friendship with him? Yes, he hurt you but he did it thinking that it was the only way to help you. And you, in essence, betrayed him the other day when you lashed out at him. So now you are standing there and telling me that you don’t think either of you can find it in your heart to forgive the other and rebuild the friendship that neither one of you can live without?”

Without waiting for an answer, Duke turned and left the office. He’d wait in his own cubicle to see what Steve was going to do.

It didn’t take long for Duke to get his answer. Without saying a word, he watched the boss leave the office a short time later telling the secretary that he would be at Aina Haina. Duke sighed in relief.

********

McGarrett fought his urge to speed to the beach house. Duke was right, he mentally kicked himself. He should have seen that the conversation with Danno just wasn’t normal, should have seen through the ruse that his friend was trying to pull. He had known that something was wrong that morning. He had seen the sadness in Dan’s eyes – that should have tipped him off that something was amiss when Dan began to speak. However he had let his emotions, his anger get the upper hand. Had he forgiven Dan for that awful confrontation? He believed that he had. He knew that he had not acted as if he had, but felt that he could attribute his behavior to missing his friend more than bearing an actual grudge against him. Sure, Dan’s words had hurt – more than he had been willing to admit to anyone, including himself. But now knowing the reason for the words, the banishment, made it seem even more heartbreaking that they had stayed away from each other for as long as they had.

Then the hospital just a few days ago! Steve nearly groaned in disappointment at his reaction to seeing Dan next to his bed. It hadn’t been his initial reaction. But it had been the lasting reaction. He had spent the rest of the day in the hospital trying to figure out why he had reacted the way he had. First he had tried to blame it on his infamous temper. But deep down inside he had known that his flash-point anger had not been the reason. He remembered every second of the ‘dream’ he had experienced while he had been unconscious. He remembered how he had felt when he had first opened his eyes and saw Dan there sitting next to him. There had been a ‘rightness’ to seeing him there. It had almost been as if everything was right with the world again. But the second time he had seen Dan – Steve still wasn’t sure why he had felt the burning need to hurt his friend. He had lashed out in the hope of causing Dan as much pain as he had never admitted to feeling back at Aina Haina.

A horrible thought entered his mind. What if they were unable to talk things out when he reached the beach house? Duke had made it appear as if all would be fine once he spoke with Dan. Sure, Danno’s ability to easily forgive and forget, to not hold grudges was practically as legendary as McGarrett’s temper. Steve had been the recipient of that wonderful forgiving nature more times than he could count, more times than he knew he deserved. He hoped luck would be with him and he could be the recipient one more time – this time that meant the most.

He pulled up to the beach house and jumped out of the car. Patience was never a virtue he had deemed necessary in life and he hurriedly opened the door. An eerie silence greeted him as he entered the dwelling.

“Danno!”

He glanced out on the lanai then did a quick search of the rooms on the main floor. No wheelchair, no Dan, nothing. Had something happened to Dan? A combination of adrenaline, anxiety and dread filled him. The silence in the house had a dangerous significance to it. It seemed as if every clue of Dan’s existence here had been erased. He walked over to the phone and called the office, requesting that Duke meet him out here pronto. Putting the handset back, he continued his search, trying to act like the cop he was, yet finding it impossible to act like anything but a worried friend.

Duke arrived so quickly that Steve knew it was only because he had deemed it necessary to utilize the flashing blue light on top of his car. Entering the house, Duke looked around at the emptiness, then closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

“I was afraid he’d do something like this.”

He spoke so softly that Steve nearly did not hear him. But upon realizing what had been said McGarrett pounced on it.

“What do you mean? What did he do?”

Duke turned towards the boss.

“Let’s sit down, Steve.”

Steve shrugged him off at first, pacing around the room. His head was pounding again. Duke went to stand in front of him and calmly told the boss that if he expected an answer then he needed to sit down. Lukela’s hand on his arm forced Steve to realize that he was serious. Reluctantly, McGarrett allowed his detective to pull him to the sofa. Taking a seat across from his boss, Duke cursed the fact that he seemed to be too much of the message man where McGarrett and Williams were concerned of late. Although he was really only hypothesizing as to what had happened here, he was certain enough of its correctness and the need to tell McGarrett. He knew that Steve would NOT be happy.

“After I brought Danny back here from visiting you at the hospital, we talked for a while.”

Duke ignored the grimace that crossed his friend’s face. It wasn’t like he could pretend that some of the past hadn’t happened.

“Anyway, I needed to talk to Dan, to explain why I had acted the way I had, to get him to understand. Fortunately, for me, Danny is still as forgiving as ever.”

Steve nodded hoping beyond all hope that Dan was as forgiving to him – once they found him, of course.

“I asked Dan about the last conversation with you. I could tell he really did not want to talk about it but he finally did. The things he had said to you – Steve, he had no idea they were the same things that Meekiu said. He felt so awful once I told him about that. He said he was all right when I left him though. But maybe he wasn’t.”

“What are you getting at, Duke? Are you trying to say that Danno did…tried…” The mere idea was so incomprehensible that McGarrett couldn’t even voice the thought.

“No, Steve. But think for a minute – he’s been staying here, in your house, the two of you have not been speaking in a while – how do you think Dan felt about that?”

After several minutes the two men eyed each other knowingly. Dan would not have been able to stay here because of the guilt he felt over what he had said to McGarrett.

“We’ve got to find him, Duke!” McGarrett jumped up and instantly fell back down, his head spinning.

“I think you’ve had enough excitement for one day, Steve. Weren’t you told to take it easy?”

Steve wearily rubbed his eyes. “I have to find him, Duke.”

******

Two days later:

Steve pounded on his desk in pure frustration. “WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST IN THE STATE! I’M THE CHIEF OF THE STATE POLICE AND I CAN’T FIND ONE GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR!!”

He glared at his staff, daring them to comment. Truck, Lori and Kimo had the sense to stare blankly and silently back at him. Duke shifted his weight and tried to look anywhere in the office but the incensed Irishman. Steve pierced him with an angry glare.

“Something to share?”

Duke couldn’t help but smirk. McGarrett glared even fiercer. The other three looked like they wanted the walls to open up and help them disappear.

“Well Steve, that might not normally be an issue, but this is DANNY that we are talking about here.”

McGarrett stared at Lukela. The Hawaiian returned the gaze with an even one of his own. He knew there were only two people in Hawaii who could get away with confronting McGarrett when he was in the state he was currently in. He sorely wished the other person were here because it was the other person who had the most calming affect on McGarrett.

“OK Duke, how do I convince Danno to come out of hiding when it’s obvious that he does not want to be found?”

Lukela sighed. He was unsure how to answer the somewhat rhetorical question. He opted to instead comment on what he knew to be obvious.

“You trained him well, Steve.”

“I trained him to be what he is, Duke – my second in command.”

Kimo reacted to that comment. He couldn’t help himself. HE was Five-O’s second in command – not that CRIPPLE! He opened his mouth but before he could say a word, McGarrett waved him off.

“I already know what you’re thinking, Carew, so just stuff it. Remember Danno was my second for a long time. That’s how I’m always going to think of him. Now people – let’s go over this again. We’ve got to find him.”

“Steve…”

McGarrett’s attention returned to Lukela. After staring at him for several minutes, he finally turned to the other detectives and ordered them to continue the follow up on the official investigations that Five-O was involved in. The two detectives remained silent until the other three left the office. McGarrett quirked an eyebrow at Lukela.

“Is THAT what you wanted?”

“Yeah, this looking for Danny thing needs to be just us.”

Steve ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He KNEW Duke was right. There were several reasons why he could not make Dan’s disappearance an official case. For one, there was no evidence of foul play involved with it. Another was the way Carew was acting at the mere mention of Williams. Duke had told him about the scene in front of the hospital between Carew & Danno. Privately, Steve had smirked and thought it was a confrontation he would have loved to witness. But more importantly he knew that this really was personal – just between the two of them, with Duke thrown in, of course.

Duke interrupted his train of thought. Steve was so miserable that this just HAD to end. Lukela didn’t know how much more of this HE could take. He knew he was taking a major risk by suggesting this but he felt it was the easiest way for both reconciliation and an ending.

“Steve, you’re exhausted, stressed AND still recovering from the concussion. You need to rest – take a break. Take the boat and go to Kauai for the weekend. I’LL keep looking for Danny and I’ll contact you if I find anything.”

McGarrett hated to admit it but Duke was right. He WAS tired and stressed and boy did he ever have a helluva headache. But Steve McGarrett never gave in to simple things like that! Except this time he was sick of being the public Steve McGarrett.

Finally he nodded in agreement. “But you’ll call – no matter how slight the discovery – the second you find something.”

“I’ll call, Steve. Now go.”

Lukela watched his boss exit the office. Silently he crossed his fingers, hoping against hope that he had just done the right thing for all concerned.

*********

Steve found himself surprised that he actually enjoyed taking the boat to Kauai.

He had taken a few extra precautions this time. Before going to the boat he had taken the time for a brief nap at his apartment. The extra rest had dulled his headache as well as at least temporarily getting rid of his dizziness. He knew he had been pushing himself beyond his level of tolerance since the injury. As much as he hated to admit that he needed some R & R, he knew the weekend of solitude would be just what the doctor ordered. He wryly grinned as he thought back to the many times that Danno had tried to get him to take some time off after an injury. What would his friend say now if he knew?

As he sailed, he let his mind wander and tried to clear away the stress he felt about everything that had happened. He also re-examined his feelings concerning his last conversation with Dan at the beach house. He would have been lying to himself if he tried to believe that Dan’s words hadn’t hurt. He knew he had used his anger as a shield to the pain. The anger had helped him to get through every day activities for a while, but he’d been forced to deal with the pain whenever he wasn’t at the Palace. Dan’s words haunted his dreams, his thoughts. Several years ago he had admitted to himself that he considered Danno more of a brother than a friend. Now he fully realized how true that was. A friend would never have gotten under his defenses the way Danno had. His emotional reaction and inability to see through the front he had put up also upset him. He tried to picture how different it might have been if he had realized that Dan hadn’t meant what he said but found that he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure what that meant.

Then there was his awful behavior a few days ago in the hospital. He now remembered waking up the first time and knowing that Dan was there beside him. In his confused state, he hadn’t realized the importance of his being there. He had known at first that Danno was there and, he thought, he had told him he was glad.

(But then the second time he woke, things had been clearer. This time it had been his turn to deeply hurt his friend. He had driven Dan away this time with his words in the hospital.)

He did not understand why he had lashed out that way. He remembered being confused when he first woke up. Realizing that Dan was there with him, he’d felt an instant peace and calmness, as he knew that his feeling that Dan was in danger had just been a dream. HELL – it had seemed more like a nightmare! He’d longed, then, to make everything right with Dan, to actually tell him how much he needed Dan around, how badly he had missed him and their friendship. He wondered if he would ever get the chance to talk to Danno again, tell him how much he missed him being around.

Pulling up to the boat dock, he made quick work of securely tying off the boat. He thought that he might still have time to make a quick call to the office to check things out with Duke, to see if maybe he had found something. He jogged up the steps to the door and opened it, briefly wondering why the door was unlocked. He took care to shut and lock the door and then turned around to enter the living room. Shock froze him in his steps, rendered him speechless, nearly breathless. He could do nothing but stare at Dan Williams as he sat in his wheelchair a few feet in front of him.

Dan returned his stare with an almost fearful one of his own. His momentary joy at seeing his friend up and well – save for the rather pale complexion – quickly clouded over. He wasn’t sure what Steve was doing here, but knew that he had to get out of there and quickly! No, IMMEDIATELY! But how to get past Steve, who was still virtually blocking the door, and where to go! The stupid chair caused more problems than it was worth most times! He made a fist and pounded it into the armrest in complete frustration.

“Danno!” The barely there whisper held a measure of shock and disbelief. But it also held relief and joy – emotions Steve barely ever admitted to feeling – well, the only emotion he really ever owned up to was anger.

Dan figured his best plan of action was to somehow try and get around McGarrett to the door. He didn’t think beyond that because he wasn’t sure he would be able to get around Steve to begin with. McGarrett must have been using the clairvoyance that Dan swore he possessed though, because as he started to move the chair forward, Steve took a step to block his path. Dan knew he was at a disadvantage. This house had not been made accessible for a wheelchair. He knew that he had very little chance of outmaneuvering Steve. He wondered, worried, about why Steve was there. He didn’t believe that McGarrett had known he was there. Duke had given his word of silence to him when Danny had called him earlier. There was little time to think of that because Dan needed to concentrate on getting around Steve and out of the house.

“If you let me by, I can be out of here in a few minutes.”

Startled by the words, the request, McGarrett quickly found his voice.

“Where would you go? How would you get there?”

A small shrug of the shoulders was Dan’s only reply.

“Why leave? Why run?”

“Because I need to…” Oh that was brilliant! Dan thought.

“YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE!” The imperious command

“Steve…”

The sudden knowledge that he might be able to make everything right drove McGarrett to issuing orders now that the shock of seeing Dan was gone. He knew he simply could not run the risk of letting him out - no, try not even near, the door. But his head was pounding and it felt like his world was again spinning. He put a hand to his forehead and saw the concern that instantly flooded Dan’s face. OK – maybe he could use this concussion to his advantage after all.

“Look – we need to talk, but first I’ve got to get some aspirin. My head is killing me. Can I go do that and still find you here when I get back? Or am I running the risk of having you bolt again?”

The feelings that crowded him made it nearly impossible for Dan to verbally answer Steve so he settled for simply nodding his head.

“You’ll be here?”

Blue eyes met blue eyes. So much had happened over the last several months. Could they really go back to what they had been in the past without the excess baggage causing problems? Could they really deal with and work out the deeper issues that probably remained between them. Dan sighed. There really was only one way to find out. He nodded his head.

McGarrett took a hesitant step towards the bathroom and the pills that would bring relief. There was a part of him that was afraid that he would come out of the room and find himself all alone, that seeing Dan here was simply the work of his overactive, on edge imagination. He knew he’d have to take the chance because he didn’t know how much longer he could stand the headache. He swallowed the pills and nearly ran back to the other room. He was still there! Now the back of the wheelchair was facing him so he couldn’t see the expression on Dan’s face. He wondered if it might not be better to talk that way. He moved up behind Williams and placed a hand near his neck as he knelt down.

‘You stayed.” There was both surprise and gratification in Steve’s voice.

“Yeah…”

“Look Danno…”

“Steve, I…”

They both stopped amused at what they had done. Finally Steve rose and placed his hands on the wheelchair’s handles.

“Why don’t we go outside?”

He did not wait for an answer from Dan. But he simply pushed the chair out to the lanai.

Dan waited for a few minutes and then – “ You know, conversations on a lanai are not a good thing for us of late.”

Steve smiled at the attempt at humor. He started to speak but was waved to silence by Dan.

“Me first, OK?”

McGarrett nodded. He wasn’t about to argue with Dan at this point. They had hurt each other enough already.

“I’m sorry for what I said that day at Aina Haina, Steve. I didn’t know what Meekiu said until just a few days ago. Not that not knowing what he said is an excuse for what I said. I only said it because I thought that it would ultimately help you.”

“I know, Danno.”

“How…”

“Duke breaks almost as easily as Chin under interrogation.”

Somehow Dan doubted that McGarrett had to ‘interrogate’ the Hawaiian. It was more likely that Duke had willingly spilled his guts, hoping that doing so would solve most of the problems.

“Look, I’m the one who needs to apologize – for my words at the hospital. They were cruel, unjust, unforgivable…”

“Why don’t you let me decide whether or not they were unforgivable?”

Steve stopped speaking and stared at Williams. Could it really be possible that Danno didn’t hold a grudge for what he had said?

“I think we’ve both said more than enough hurtful things, Steve. Let’s just agree to forget about it and get on with life.”

McGarrett nearly couldn’t believe his ears. He’d been on the receiving end of Williams’ inability to hold a grudge a few times over the years. But he had honestly never believed that Dan would forgive him this time. How wrong he was! And how happy he was to be so wrong!

“Now that does still leave us with one problem to take care of, Steve.”

“What, Danno?”

“Exactly what type of revenge are we going to cook up for Duke considering how horribly he set us both up today?”

This time the grin actually reached McGarrett’s eyes. “Unless you have other plans, I do believe we have the whole weekend to dream up something appropriate.”

Dan returned the grin with one of his own. It felt good to be back on track with his friend. “Duke will never know what hit him.”

“Amen, Bruddah!!”

PAU