Thanksgiving Thanks

by

Trish

How many times had he done this in the last year? How many more times would he find himself doing this in the future? The depressing thoughts tumbled through Steve McGarrett’s mind as he anxiously paced the small hospital room, waiting for the motionless man in the bed to awaken. Doc could not make the usual reassurances that with a little rest and some painful physio therapy Danno would make a full recovery. In fact Doc wasn’t certain that the young detective would recover at all. “The head injury is our biggest concern Steve. This type of head trauma is hard to predict, Danny could wake up now or even tomorrow or then again he might not wake up at all, we just don’t know. We’ve done all we can Steve, now its up to God and Danny to do the rest.” were Doc’s heartbreaking words as he explained the prognosis; offering no false guarantees that everything would be alright. McGarrett swallowed a sob at the memory as he turned and stared at the figure in the bed, willing his friend to wake and prove the doctors wrong but the patient remained motionless, unaware of anything that was happening around him.

With a sigh, the lead detective pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down, reaching through the bed rails to rest his hand on the patient’s arm, whispering a soft reassurance that he was not alone and begging him to fight - not to give up! He hated this part, dreaded it like no other. It was always the waiting, the nagging fear that the doctors were not able to do enough, that maybe this time… Even worse was the knowledge deep within his heart that he had failed his responsibility to Dan. It was up to him to keep his detectives safe, to try and lessen the risks with their jobs. Although intellectually he knew it was an impossibility in this line of work but it was a responsibility that he took seriously nevertheless. Watching the man in the bed he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces and he sobbed a choked apology, “I’m so sorry aikane, I’m …so…sorry. I didn’t do enough.”

This is not the way they had planned to spend Thanksgiving - Thanksgiving was a day to give thanks – it was not supposed to be a day where he sat in the early morning hours in a darkened hospital room, waiting and commanding his injured detective to awake. No, this wasn’t the way he wanted to spend Thanksgiving and to be honest at the moment he had little he could think off to be thankful about. No, for Stephen James McGarrett there would be no Thanksgiving celebrations today. Today he had nothing to celebrate; only prayers to be offered up pleading for Danno’s life.

The soft regular beep from the heart monitor above the bed and the steady rise and fall of Danny’s chest were almost hypnotic and McGarrett wasn’t aware of his own eyes closing as his head dropped with exhaustion onto his chest; his own breathing slowing and deepening as he slid into a much-needed sleep.

“Steve! Steve! Wake up! Come on, Steve, wake up. It’s just a nightmare. Steve!”

The firm shake of his shoulder woke McGarrett with a start and he opened his eyes to find himself staring into the concerned face of his Second-In-Command and closest friend. “Danno?!” he breathed in relief as he rubbed his face, attempting to wipe away the last tendrils of the nightmare that still lingered in his mind as he slowly sat up and looked around.

“Are you OK Steve?” Danny asked worriedly as he crouched beside the sofa watching his boss closely for anything amiss as McGarrett slowly looked around the room before returning his attention back to him.

“Steve?”

McGarrett smiled and lifted his hand, placing it on the younger man’s shoulder as he gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m ok, Danno, just a bad dream.”

“Must have been a doozy.” Danny grinned as he rose to his feet and offered Steve the mug of coffee he had placed on Steve’s desk before rushing to wake his boss. Picking up his own mug he took a small sip before he glanced over the rim and asked, “Want to talk about it?”

Blushing with embarrassment Steve slowly shook his head, not willing to admit how much the dream had frightened him. He took a sip of coffee under the watchful pacific blue eyes before he lowered the mug and smiled weakly, “It was just a bad dream Danno, I guess a by product of Thanksgiving approaching.”

Danny’s brow creased in confusion, “Why would Thanksgiving cause you to have nightmares?”

Unable to look the younger man directly in the eyes, Steve stared into his mug at the black liquid instead as he admitted softly, “It hasn’t been a good year for us my friend.”

Danny nodded and took another sip of his coffee before looking back at his closest friend, “We’ve had a lot of good things happen as well, Steve. It’s not like you to be so…so…”

“Melancholy? Pessimistic?” McGarrett shrugged, a little uncomfortable talking about his emotions but the dream had really disturbed him. Just how many times had they sat in a waiting room this year waiting to be told the condition of one of their own? Just how many times did death stare them in the face? And just how many times would it stare them in the face again in the future? When would the nightmare happen for real? These were the thoughts he wasn’t sure he could share; not even with Danno. “I guess I just don’t feel like celebrating…”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Danny spluttered in surprise as he stared in disbelief at the lead detective.

Steve silence answered his question and he placed his mug back down on the table and studied his mentor closer. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” At McGarrett’s affirming nod he frowned and stepped closer placing his hand on his best friend’s shoulder, “I don’t understand Steve, why? Was it the dream? Or is something else troubling you?”

Rising from the sofa, McGarrett walked out to the lanai in an attempt to stall the conversation he knew was coming. In the short few months that he had known him, Danno had become much more than just another subordinate, the younger man had become his closest friend, no more than that, Danno had become his kaikaina and confidante.

“Steve, what is it?” Danny stood in the doorway, worried and confused, as he watched Steve stare out across the Palace grounds. McGarrett was the strongest man that he had ever known and to see the fear that lingered in Steve’s eyes was terrifying. “Steve?”

Shaking his head slowly, McGarrett held the mug in both hands as he sighed and turned back towards Danny, a cold shiver of fear travelled down his spine as the all too recent memory of the nightmare flickered through his mind. He blinked away the image of Danny lying motionless in the bed as he softly asked. “Have you ever wondered why we should feel grateful after sitting in hospital rooms waiting to see if someone close to us is going to live or die or whether they are going to recover fully from their injuries?”

Danny frowned, not quite following Steve’s train of thought, “I don’t understand, Steve.”

Embarrassed at lowering his guard, Steve forced a smile and took a small sip of the lukewarm coffee before he looked away again, “I’m sorry Danno; I guess I’m just not in the mood for Thanksgiving. It’s just been a hard year…”

“It’s been a rough one that’s for sure.” Danny agreed stepping out onto the lanai, aware that Steve needed to get what ever was bothering him off his chest. Lightly placing his hand on his friend shoulder in a gesture much like Steve used to comfort him, Danny continued softly, “Especially for you.”

Blinking back the hot tears that were threatening to fall, Steve murmured, “Not just for me, aikane, but for all of us. You, me, Chin, Kono…”

Studying his friend a little closer, Danny asked suspiciously, “You’re not blaming yourself for injuries we get on the job are you Steve?” At the ensuing silence, he rubbed his hand through is curls in a small show of frustration as he began firmly, “I thought that self-blame was supposed to be my trait but blaming yourself for our injuries really takes the cake!” He ignored the flash or anger that flickered across his Boss’s face as he continued, “It comes with the job Steve. It’s a risk we all consciously accepted when we became cops. We all know that there is a risk that we are going to be injured or maybe even killed in the line of duty but it’s a risk we are willing to take.”

“And it’s my responsibility to diminish that risk.” Steve growled.”It’s my job to ensure your backs are covered whenever I send you out on a case.”

The younger man dropped his voice as he stared into his closest friend’s eyes and said gently, “Steve, we always know that you are covering our backs. Chin, Kono and I know that if we get into any type of trouble that you are always there to get us out of it.

Even when I was shot and trapped in that hospital room by that that Marine- Corporal Austin. (Episode- King of The Hill) The one thing that stopped me from giving up was the knowledge that you wouldn’t. I knew that you would be outside that room doing everything possible to rescue me. Mahalo.”

“I just wanted you safe, Aikane.” Steve admitted softly.”I was so scared that I’d lose you that day. It took us so long to get into that room and during that time I knew you were lying on the floor in pain and bleeding to death.” McGarrett fell quiet and glanced away as he tried to regain some control over his tumultuous emotions before turning back and continuing. “Then when we did finally manage to get into that room, I thought I had lost you. You were so still, so pale…”

“But you didn’t Steve.” Danny reassured the older detective gently. “You saved me and you saved Austin as well. Everything worked out in the end Steve; I’m alive and well. I know that I am extremely grateful for that.” Giving a small grin, Danny’s eyes twinkled in mischief as he added, “I’m also grateful I met Sandy.”

A small smile tugged at McGarrett’s lips as he remembered the young nurse Danno had met and dated during his recuperation but the smile quickly faded as the haunting image of a motionless Danno and Doc’s discouraging prognosis from his dream flickered again through his mind.

Danny frowned as he watched McGarrett’s expression fall again. “It’s something else, isn’t Steve? Your dream?”

Reluctantly McGarrett nodded, “I dreamt that I failed you Danno. That I was going to lose you and there was nothing I could do to stop that from happening. No matter how much I tried to order you to fight, it just wasn’t going to be enough. “

“Do you really think that I would ever disobey an order from you even in a dream?” Danny smiled before growing more serious as he tried to reassure his closest friend. “Steve, it was just a dream, its over! I’m fine, we’re fine. It’s been a rough year but we made it all made it through together just like friends and Ohana should. Anyway Steve, it’s Thanksgiving, now do you really think that I would miss out on that. Not when I…no we…have so many things to celebrate and be thankful for…”

“You’re right, Danno,” Steve smiled reaching up and squeezing the younger man’s arm. “It is Thanksgiving and I shouldn’t let a dream ruin it for us –not when I have so much to be grateful for – good friends, good health and most of all a very special young man whom I am honored to call Ohana. Happy Thanksgiving, Kaikaina.”

“Steve! Steve!”

Doc’s excited voice pulled the exhausted man from his dreams and the lead detective woke with a start, sitting up straight in the chair instinctively even before he was fully coherent.

“He’s waking up Steve!”

Jumping up from his chair, Steve leaned over and placed his hand on the patient’s bare shoulder before gently shaking him, “Danno? Danno?”

A soft groan answered his behest a moment before Danny’s eyelids flickered and slowly opened partially revealing the blue eyes beneath. Steve waited with barely restrained patience as the young detective’s eyes panned the room in confusion before settling on his face. Placing his hand lightly on the top of Danny’s curls, Steve smiled. “Hello Danno.”

“Hello Steve.” Danny breathed softly as he frowned and again looked around his surrounding in confusion. “Where?...What?”

“You’re in Queens Hospital Aikane.You’re going to be fine.” Steve answered confidently no longer needing Doc’s reassurance on the prognosis, “You were hurt during an arrest after hitting your head when you were pushed down a flight of stairs. You gave us quite a fright but you’re going to be fine.”

Frowning, Danny tried to remember but where there should have been a memory there was just a black hole. “I don’t remember…”

Seeing the small flicker of fear across Danno’s face, Steve quickly reassured him, “Don’t worry Danno, it will come back to you.”

Danny nodded unconvinced as he looked back at his friend, “What day is it?”

“Thursday Danno - Thanksgiving.” Steve answered him quietly before a large smile lit up his face as he remembered his dream. “A day that I have a lot to be thankful for Aikane - good friends, good health and most of all a very special young man whom I am honored to call Ohana. Happy Thanksgiving, Kaikaina.”

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE