Tipping Point
by
Lynn
“As
The sand seemed to get deeper and heavier as the sun climbed higher and the morning started to get warmer. Usually at this point in his workout, his mind would be freely associating as he achieved the coveted runner’s high. At such moments, he often had his famous intuitive leaps in logic that would serve to solve a case, but not today. Instead, he was engaged in a struggle with his mind to control his unwanted thoughts. His feet began to burn as they repeatedly plunged into the coarse, hot sand. Beads of sweat, which had long ago formed on his brow and soaked his sweat band, now began to roll down his forehead and cling to his eye lashes. “You owe.” Somehow the words slipped through the cracks in the barrier he had erected and taunted him like a bully in a school yard. Yes, HE owed. He owed more than he could even begin to think of repaying and what had he done?!
The muscles in his legs began to burn. A stitch began to form in his side, slowly at first, and then deepening with each breath. Soon his legs were on fire and he reluctantly slowed his pace. His knees had finally fatigued to the point that his feet were now plowing through the sand - the tops being scrapped with each stride. He doggedly continued, walking now more than running. Even at this reduced pace, the stitch in his side intensified. It was becoming unbearable as if someone had stabbed him with a knife and was twisting it. By shear force of will he continued until he collapsed, falling on his hands and his knees into the sand. His breathing was painful; each breath felt as though a hot iron was piercing his lungs. “As I remember you owe him a lot more than that”. He could no longer outrun the hateful words nor block them from his thoughts. The drops of sweat which precariously clung to his eye lashes now dripped into his eyes. He closed them as they were stung by the salt; the sweat burned tracks into his dusty overheated cheeks.
The instant he closed his eyes he saw Danno’s face as it had been in the emergency room - pale and in shock- with unshed tears welling up in his eyes. And what had Steve done? Nothing. Instead as Danno had tried to ease his own pain, however briefly, Steve served up a searing remark. “As I remember you owe him a lot more than that”. As if Dan, of all people, would have forgotten this; would have forgotten that Chinook had saved his life. What had Steve been trying to do; push the knife deeper that was already sticking in his friend’s heart? Steve hadn’t thought it was possible but Dan had grown even paler upon Steve’s words. Something was dying in Danno and Steve had done nothing to stop it.
Later, outside the emergency room, Steve had a second chance to comfort his friend, but for some reason he didn’t take it. Chinook had been pronounced dead and Dan had just used what little energy he had left to console Chinook’s wife. Williams had watched numbly as she left in tears with her father and then his numbness turned to anger- anger at himself. In his grief, Danno had begun to castigate himself verbally. Steve cringed at the remembrance of the words. “The good die young and the bad get all the rest. Perhaps that’s why I‘m still here.” Steve had known that Danno was in extreme pain and would have traded places with Chinook, but to hear Danno talking about himself that way was almost more than Steve could bear. And what had Steve done. NOTHING. How many times had Steve reached for Dan’s shoulder when he, Steve McGarrett, had needed its strength and reassurance but why didn’t he do it then when Danno needed help? Steve McGarrett, the cop who cares and cares deeply, yeah, right. Where was that cop then? Why had he held back? Instead, he had left Danno alone and the evening had gone from bad to worse. Ben had tried to fulfill Steve’s neglected duties. He had stayed with Dan and had kept him out of trouble as best he could until Dan, sensing a nursemaid, turned him loose.
Steve sat back on his feet and picked up his hands, rubbing the sand off his palms. With his eyes still closed, he tried to wipe away the sweat that was plaguing his eyes using the shoulder of his t-shirt. Mercilessly, the night and the nightmarish events had continued, this time with a call that Dan had shot an unarmed kid. It had been back to the hospital emergency room again and there, right before Steve’s eyes, a spent Dan Williams had given up on himself. He had refused to accompany Steve back to the crime scene to look for evidence of a gun. He had lost all confidence in his abilities as a cop and would do nothing but stay in the hospital silently enduring the verbal abuse of the kid’s family as part of the penance for his crime. He had accepted his presumed fate; praying only that the kid would not die, putting a temporary end, at least, to the nightmare.
Steve attempted to get his breathing under control. He needed to think constructive thoughts, but now his own nightmare had begun and it would not be quelled by the light of day. He could see all the events unfold again so clearly, and could even now hear the words as well. Dan had admitted his guilt in front of reporters and publicly resigned. Steve’s stomach had contracted painfully and his mind had turned numb; he had barely felt the gun and the badge that Dan had thrust into his hands. And regrettably, Steve had hesitated from the shock; he had reacted too slowly. He had tried to stop Danno before anything was said that would cause irreparable damage, but he had failed. He, the great Steve McGarrett, had lost control of the situation and would, perhaps, now lose his most trusted colleague and friend.
As much as Steve would have argued with the choice if he had a chance, McGarrett knew that Danno had done the only thing his conscience would allow him to do. It had been the gutsiest thing Steve had seen anyone do in a long time. In an age of legal loop holes and endless court continuances, where no one admitted responsibility for anything, there had been Danno matter-of-factly and simply accepting his actions and his guilt as his own and publicly no less. Steve, however, could not and would not accept this. Danno had been and would always be a good cop, but where was the evidence he needed to convince Danno or the world, for that matter, of this fact? Damn it, Danno don’t you see what you have done?! You just handed the prosecution an undisputable public confession! Perhaps Danno would have listened if Steve had been there for him earlier but then perhaps none of this would ever have happened. Things had spun so far out of control. He needed to put a stop to the madness.
As he blinked his eyes open, Steve was startled to have a pair of bright, blue eyes, the color of the bluest sky on a cloudless day, staring back at him. He blinked once or twice more and then looking more closely realized that the blue eyes belonged to a young, straw-haired boy. He was peering wide-eyed at Steve wearing a look of concern on his face. The eyes were not hard and accusing but soft and understanding; much as the eyes of his associate often were when they were pursuing a difficult case and Steve would be berating himself for missing an obvious early clue-something vital that would have wrapped the case up more quickly - in essence for falling short of perfection.
“You o.k. mister?” the young boy finally asked.
Yes, the whole situation had gotten out of hand but he knew immediately something he had forgotten in the midst of his self-indulgent ruminations. Dan’s hurtful actions had been, in part, out of concern for McGarrett and Five-0. In perhaps a misguided way, Dan had been trying to protect Five-0 and Steve from being shamed by his actions. Danno knew how much Five-0 meant to Steve and how much Steve had labored to make it perfect. Williams would never do anything to give anyone an excuse to harm Steve’s creation. Danno had not been accusing Steve of abandonment but making a selfless gesture to uphold the integrity of the department and to protect his boss from guilt by association. Steve would not accept the sacrifice. It was time for Steve to take responsibility for his own actions in this fiasco. No matter the implications to himself or the department, he would find the evidence that would clear Danno if it was the last thing he or Five-0 ever did.
“I will be soon son, thanks.”
He placed his hand on the young boy’s shoulder and used it ever so slightly for support as he stood up. His mind was calm now and sure of what he must do. For as Steve now remembered, he owed Danno a lot more than that.