FORGOTTEN REMINDERS

by

The Sign of Four

 

 

 

Summer 1899

 

 

“Watson, not another word, else I shall certainly need your professional services.”  My insides felt as if I had gone three rounds with a heavyweight and my eyes were watering like the great Reichenbach Falls.  Watson seemed in a similar condition, nearly doubled over in his chair, our combined laughter enticing a dog from the back mews to bark against the noise.

 

“Sorry, Holmes,” my companion said somberly as he attempted to regain his dignity.  But as is often the case in these situations, it took just one look in my direction and we were both once again overtaken by a laughing frenzy.

 

As many readers of The Strand magazine are aware, John Watson is a master storyteller.  His narratives often reduced us both to little more than schoolboys caught whispering after the lights-out bell had rung.  Contrary to what he would have the world believe, I was Watson’s most ardent admirer, providing his reminiscences were not concerning my own life or cases.  His tales of medical school and the army never failed to enliven an evening, which threatened to turn insufferably dull.  And when, as tonight, he chose to recount a whimsical event such as the meeting he had chanced upon earlier between Inspector Lestrade, a belligerent parrot and a lady of the street—he was in top form.

 

“Holmes, if only you had been there,” Watson concluded.  “I really can not do the tableau proper justice.”

 

“I think it a good thing that I was not.  You know I have a hard time keeping my composure in such comical circumstances.  I would have found myself in Lestrade’s bad graces for weeks.”

 

“As if you would care.”

 

“True,” I acknowledged, “but it is easier this way.  In any event, nothing short of The Second Coming will entice Lestrade to cross our threshold for the next fortnight.  Well done, doctor.”

 

Closing my eyes, I relaxed into my chair.  My hand automatically reached for my pipe, which I easily coaxed back to life.

 

The sun had waged war on London and its inhabitants for the past week.  Any who could have fled the city for the outskirts, where there was rumor of a breeze; or to the coast, where the water at least gave an illusion of relief.  Those of us left in town gave our fellows a wide berth as tempers were short and frustrations ran high.  After a cold dinner, Watson and I had removed collars and jackets, but there was no escape from the heat.

 

I turned my thoughts to the sounds rising from the thoroughfare below.  Baker Street had a life all of its own, and as attuned as I was to it, I scarcely had need of a clock.  The ebb and flow of carriages, hansom cabs and carts jostling for passage against the stream of shoppers, families and commuters kept time as accurately as any church-steeple.  The dog had ceased its barking and I could easily hear the moderate street traffic.  The shops opposite were beginning to bring in their wares from the street stalls, and on Portman Square, I could just distinguish Romney Roy making his rounds with his organ-grinder machine.  Here inside 221, Mrs. Hudson had taken off the kettle for her evening pot of tea and would be joined shortly by a neighbor to swap gossip and discuss the day’s events.

 

Content to sit and let my thoughts flow where they may, my attention soon returned to my friend.  Watson had retired to his desk where he was, as the occasional chuckle testified, happily transferring this most recent anecdote to paper.  His desk as if in direct opposition to my own was a bastion of orderliness and precision.  Perhaps it was a legacy from his time spent in the military, with each pencil properly positioned, every medical text dusted and indexed.  My own poor chemistry bench was littered with half a dozen half-finished experiments and stacks of clippings that some day I would be forced to filter through and file.  Watson must have noticed my surveillance for he turned to look at me, questioningly.

 

“I was just contemplating the amazing flexibility of mankind that allows ones of such seemingly diverse natures as ourselves to manage to live together in relative harmony.”

 

“Our rooms draw to your mind a sociological study?”

 

“It was our respective desks actually, that brought about the thought.  I am afraid that an observer comparing the two would regard my representative with less charity than your own.”

 

“Well, I am sure Mrs. Hudson, at least, would agree with that statement.”

 

“And yet, Watson, she would be wrong; for I have my desk—indeed all my papers—collected in just as practical if a bit more unorthodox manner as your own.”

 

Watson’s eyes widened a bit at the seeming audacity of my proclamation, his laughter barely contained.

 

“You doubt me, my friend?” I questioned, feigning shock.

 

“No, not at all, Holmes.  I have no doubt that you believe that you do indeed have that collection of...” for once, words seem to fail my literary friend and he simply gestured at the room itself, “whatever organized.”

 

“But you do not,” I charged.

 

“I know not.  Too often, I have seen you come flying into this very room and throw stacks of papers across the floor in an excessive display trying to locate the one scrap you seek.”

 

Watson may have had a point, but I was unwilling to yield to him just yet.  To be hot and bored would be asking too much of me this evening; I desired a distraction.  “What you mistook for excessiveness was in fact merely the fastest method of finding what I needed.  Neatness must often give way to urgency.”

 

“Indeed,” Watson replied, quickly turning back to his writing desk in a futile attempt to hide his growing smile from me.

 

“Do I detect a note of cynicism, my good doctor?”

 

“You are the detective, Holmes.”

 

“Very well, I shall prove it to you.”

 

“Really that isn’t necessary.”

 

“No, Watson, I insist.” My mind sought out a test.  “Name any three items in my possession and I shall present them to you within five minutes.”

 

Watson mulled over my proposition.  “My, you are bored tonight, aren’t you?  Very well.  Are you extending this demonstration beyond our sitting room?”

 

“To our entire set of rooms, yes.”

 

“This will be entertaining.  I have you this time, Holmes.  It is my contention that not only do you not know where most of your acquisitions are, but that you have also forgotten why you bothered to keep them.”

 

“You shall see how quickly I dash that little theory of yours to bits, my friend.  Now, what shall be the prize for the completion of this little demonstration?”

 

“Dinner at the restaurant of the winner’s choice on Saturday evening.”

 

“Agreed.”  This fitted my plans well.  I had been considering a visit to the Covent Garden Opera and this would provide me with a companion.

 

Watson rose from his chair eagerly.  His eyes were bright as he scanned the room.  It was interested to see which of my possessions he found most puzzling.  He made a grand show of slowly walking about the room as if viewing it for the very first time.  Once or twice, he stopped and almost picked up an item but chose instead to move on.  It was a fascinating process trying to decipher the thoughts going through his mind as he inspected my belongings. 

 

He finally took up the Good Old Index and opened it at random.  He glanced down the notations of the page and his face brightened.  He read aloud from the page, “Anton Finnamer, forger.  Born Lower Brixton.  Petty crime in youth.  Fond of museums and art galleries.  Chalk artist, specializing in landscapes.  Usually found Green Park—North Gate.  Handwriting expert, see Dunmore Extortion file.”  He closed the Index and returned it to its place.  “Very well, Holmes, you have five minutes to find the Dunmore Extortion File.  I have never heard you mention either it or this Finnamer fellow, and I am most curious.”

 

“A common enough case.”  To Watson’s obvious dismay, I made no motion to rise but remained in my chair as I spoke.  “Finnamer was the only interesting aspect of the affair and then only in the fact that his involvement was in this instance quite innocent.  Still, it cost him six months in goal.  Justice can be a most enigmatic lady.” 

 

I rose confidently and slowly walked over to my desk where I opened the bottom drawer.  From this, I retrieved an oversize folder containing various forgeries and works of art that I had come across over the years.  From this folder I further retrieved two small scraps of paper; one was little more than the bottom fragment of a long forgotten letter revealing only the signature of the writer, the other an extortion letter to one of the better families in London promising scandal if a ransom was not paid. 

 

To the untrained eye, like Watson, no doubt, the two signatures were identical; but to the trained observer and the individual who owned the signature the forgery was evident.  I passed the pages to Watson, and made a great show of replugging my pipe as I awaited his second choice.

 

Watson took the papers cordially, the thrill of the contest beginning to show.  I knew the second item would not be so easy.

 

“I think perhaps a more practical illustration of my point, Holmes, would be if I were to pick an item and then had you explain its significance.”

 

I must admit I was a bit taken aback by this new proposal, but I had supreme confidence in my abilities and quickly agreed to the change in arrangements.  “Whatever you desire, Watson.”

 

“Our entire rooms, you say?”

 

“Yes,” I reiterated.

 

“Would that include the vestibule?” Watson said, barely able to contain his enthusiasm.

 

“Yes,” I answered, curious as to his reference.

 

He was out of our room and down the stair faster than I would have given him credit for in the heat.  He returned in just as quick a time with an umbrella in his hand.  He passed the precious cargo along to me and sat upon the edge of his chair, eager to hear my explanation.

 

To Watson’s credit, I must admit that I had forgotten exactly where I had put this particular piece of evidence.  It was not a case that I was proud of, but it was a case that had stayed at the boundaries of my mind until the guilty party had been finally brought to justice, not for the crime that this umbrella represented but for a similar and just as deadly deed.

 

It was a common enough umbrella, black with twelve ribs and a smooth curved wooden handle.  Businessmen carried its like every day in weather fair or foul.  However, this particular umbrella did have a unique point of interest.  In a large, dramatic gesture, I popped open the umbrella and showed Watson the reason it had sat ignored and forgotten in our front hall.  A small hole the size of a shilling near the top of one of the panels gave evidence that the umbrella would be of little use in any rainstorm.  A closer look at the now exposed shank revealed dark stains upon the wood, stains that I knew to be blood.

 

“Surely that is a bullet hole, Holmes.”

 

“Very good, Watson.  Yes, indeed, a bullet hole.”  I handed the opened umbrella to him for his inspection.

 

“And how did this come to be in our umbrella stand?”  His face turned very serious for a moment.  “This was not your umbrella?”

 

“No, it was not,” I said.  “It belonged to Mr. Grant Stewart of Lauder.”

 

“The name means nothing to me,” said Watson.

 

“No, I’m not surprised.  I only mentioned the case once; but I daresay that the name of Colonel Sebastian Moran does.”

 

“The scoundrel.”

 

“Temper, Watson, temper.  This is an example of his handiwork; though I was never able to prove it, I have no question in my own mind that it was he.  He had been having an affair with Mrs. Grant Stewart and when Mr. Stewart learnt of it, Moran decided to handle him as he had handled all of his other difficulties.  There was one slight miscalculation, however.”

 

I had Watson’s full attention now just as he had held mine earlier.  “It was the lady he slew that rainy, overcast afternoon and not her husband.  A deadly misstep, as the couple turned unexpectedly, exposed Mrs. Stewart to the bullet meant for her husband.”

 

“And you could not prove it?”

 

“No.  Moran was acting as an independent agent.  There was no client to trace, no motive that could be verified.  Moran was able to establish an alibi and I was unable to dispute it.”

 

“You did eventually bring him to justice, Holmes; you must take heart in that.”

 

“Eventually, yes.  But not before he had killed young Adair and who knows how many other unfortunates who got in his way.  I should have been able to stop him, Watson.”  I felt a mood swing begin, a melancholy fog threatened to overshadow the evening’s camaraderie and friendly intercourse, I shivered in spite of the heat.

 

Watson must have sensed it as well for his voice and manner changed dramatically.  “Not even you can work miracles, Holmes.  Why do you keep it?  Surely it can serve no purpose after all this time.”

 

“It is a reminder that not all my cases are successes.  A man surrounded by trophies alone can easily be swayed to believe that he is invincible, and he becomes much like Moran himself.  By being unable to envision his own defeat; he makes that defeat inevitable by his increasingly pretentious behavior.”

 

Watson closed the umbrella and placed it in a dark corner.  His movements were deliberate and he worked as hard to change the mood of the room as he changed the matter under discussion.  “So, you have successfully identified or found my first two choices, but I still have one last chance.  I know there are items here that you do not even know exist.  I simply have to find them.”

 

“If you come across the shag I picked up from Schwartz on Tuesday, I’d be much obliged.  I can’t for the life of me remember where I put it.”

 

“Perhaps in this heat, Mrs. Hudson mistook it for a rotting rodent and threw it in the dustbin.  I think I should like to expand the area of my search.  May I?” he asked indicating my bedroom.

 

“Be my guest, Doctor.”  I watched Watson in my room, and knew his cause was lost.  He stretched himself as tall as he could to see atop my armoire.  He paused to adjust a tiny rope on the mast of the ship he had built for me.  “But do please be so kind as to ignore all items of clothing,” I called out to him.  “They would not be worth your effort.”

 

“Even this lovely boa you have sequestered here?” he countered.

 

“Especially all items of disguise,” I answered.  “However, you are welcome to borrow it, since you fancy it so much.”

 

“Not my color, I’m afraid, Holmes.  Although, I do not really see you in this shade of violet either; but it would go rather nicely with Mrs. Hudson’s new grey walking suit.  Is that why you keep it hidden away in here?”

 

“Mrs. Hudson has a grey walking suit,” I said amazed.  “Watson, you do notice everything.  Perhaps I should have kept my room off limits.”

 

“Too late now, my friend, in fact I think I’ve managed to find item number three, if I can get it out from this corner without unleashing a cloud of dust.”

 

“Watson, I rather take offense at the way you say ‘dust’.  I will have you know that dust is a very useful aide in the detection business.”

 

“No doubt someday you will write a treatise on the subject,” Watson said as he emerged from my room carrying a valise, which was admittedly not only covered in dust, but could more accurately be described as encrusted in dirt.  It was impossible from my vantage point even to determine if the bag was of leather or cloth.  Watson had won the bet, though I would not admit to it quite so easily.

 

“Let me lay some papers down before you re-admit into the world this fossil which you have found.”  I quickly grabbed the evening paper and laid it across the table.  Watson gingerly placed the bag upon the covering.  Silently, we both stared at it.

 

Finally, Watson spoke, barely hiding his optimism, “Well, Holmes, what is it?”

 

All my deductive powers were at full operation, but I was not ready to answer that particular question as yet.  Why did I not recognize this bag, I wondered?  “Where did you find this, Watson?  Some secret compartment in my own rooms of which I know nothing?’

 

“It was at the head of your bed, jammed in the corner between the wall and the head-board.”

 

“Ah, that would explain it then.”

 

“Explain what?”

 

“The crusting of the dirt on the case.  If it was pressed between the wall and the bed, it was often exposed to the elements through the open window.  This accounts for the dust turning to caked dirt over the years.”

 

“Years?”

 

“Oh yes, my friend.  I would say that this valise has not moved in eight, no a little more perhaps, yes, just over eight years.”

 

“1891? You are joking.  Now, that is not fair.  How can you possibly verify such a conclusion?”

 

“I am quite serious.  If we had the tools and the patience, we could do a miniature archaeological dig.  However, I think that merely opening it will serve us just as well.”

 

“Not so fast, Holmes.”  I looked up at Watson in some surprise.  The last thing in the world that I expected to come out of the evening’s diversion was a mystery.  I was eager to get on with it and solve the puzzle of the case.

 

“Are you conceding that you do not remember why you have kept this bag hidden at the head of your bed for eight years?”

 

“Not exactly.”

 

“Then what are you saying?”

 

“I am saying that I have not forgotten this case was there, because I did not put it there.  Furthermore, I have never seen it before in my life.”

 

“How can you be so sure?  Eight years is a long time.”

 

“Nevertheless, I am certain of it.”

 

“Well then, how came it into your room?  I doubt if Mrs. Hudson put it there.  It is obvious that she is barely allowed to keep the floor swept.”

 

“Agreed.  So what we have here is a valise abandoned by person or persons unknown for reasons unknown, as our friend, the good Inspector Lestrade would say.”  I reached to open the clasp, but Watson stayed my hand.

 

“No, no.  That would be too easy.  You were able to deduce quite a bit from the hat that fellow with the Christmas goose dropped . . . .”

 

“Mr. Baker.” I reminded him.

 

“Surely you can do as much with this.  Perhaps after further study you will recall the history of this bag.  Simply opening it; that would be parallel to cheating, don’t you think?”

 

“Very well.”  I was eager to end the debate and get on with the investigation.  I quickly retrieved my lens from the chemistry bench as well as a small brush and miniature pick.  Using the brush, I began wiping away at the handle and clasps.  Watson took advantage of the break in conversation to pour us both another brandy.  I took mine gratefully.

 

“Thank you, my friend.  I have hopes that I may uncover a monogram on the casing here near the handle and I have also cleared off an area displaying the pattern of the cloth.  It is still quite soiled but you can make out a floral design on this side, I believe it to be a woman’s bag, by the cut of it.  Don’t you agree?”

 

Watson had been paying close attention to my progress and this statement sparked an enthusiastic response.  “A woman’s valise?  Hidden at the head of your bed,” he paused here for dramatic effect, “by accident or left on purpose?  Are you now going to tell me that her husband has ceased to love her?  The game is up, old man, who was she?”

 

“Watson, I have already told you I know nothing of this bag’s origins.  You have made your point.  I concede, the day is yours.”

 

“Thank you, Holmes, and as a gentleman, I shall of course believe you when you say you know nothing of the bag itself, but pray, tell me of this lady who unbeknown to you leaves luggage aside your bed.”

 

Watson seemed so pleased with his victory and the idea that I might have some secret romantic liaison that I rather hated to disappoint him.  Therefore, instead of answering his request, I chose to ignore it and returned my attention to the valise.  Its presence in my room concerned me more than I wanted Watson to realize.  It concerned me very much.

 

“I know that look, Holmes.”

 

I glanced at Watson, attempting to wipe all expression from my features—‘look,’ indeed.  The initials waiting to be uncovered under my brush and pick would have to wait for Watson to finish his rebuke.

 

“That innocent what-me-and-a-woman-look.  You’re no different than the rest of us, you know.”

 

“I’ve never claimed that I was.  I merely stated the fact that I did not, I do not wish for my life to be complicated by the distraction of a lady at my side.  You know how I live, Watson.  Would it be fair to subject any woman to this?”  I gestured about the room.  “I barely pass your non-judgmental criteria for a roommate; I would certainly fail to meet the standards set by any woman.”

 

“You are changing the subject, Holmes,” Watson said.

 

“No, I’m afraid that you had already done that, Doctor.  Now, if I may continue, this bag holds more attraction for me at the moment than any woman possibly could.”

 

I ignored Watson’s harrumph, as he returned to his writing desk, dismissing not only me but my little mystery as well.  Unperturbed, I focused my attention upon uncovering the monogram.  The work went quickly and without further interruption.  The initials that I revealed did give me pause, and I stared over at my friend in total and complete confusion.  The initials MW could only mean Mary Watson.

 

Pushing myself away from the bag, I gathered my thoughts.  What was Mrs. Watson’s bag doing abandoned in my room?  No, not abandoned, but hidden if Watson’s appraisal of its resting place was accurate.  1891, I had said; he and Mary were living at the time in their house on Queen Anne Street.  In April, Watson had accompanied me to the continent.  Mary had been away on a long visit, Watson had said; surely, she would have taken her luggage with her.  How very odd, I thought.  I could not in good conscience continue my investigation without Watson’s consent, and yet, I could not help but wonder if this discovery of the doctor’s might not have been best-left unknown and ignored behind the headboard.

 

“Watson, would you come over here, if you please?”

 

“What is it, Holmes?  Is something wrong?”

 

He was at my side in a moment, his concerned eyes examining me, I merely gestured at the uncovered initials, turning his attention away from myself.

 

“Oh, my God.”  He reached for the valise, in surprise.  “It’s Mary’s!”  In a second, he had picked up the brush and began whisking away the remaining dirt in a most unscientific manner.  “This is extraordinary.  However, did it come to be here?”

 

“I had rather hoped, my friend, that you could answer that.”

 

Watson was beside himself.  “You realize, of course, Holmes,” he said, “that if I do find any personal items of Mary’s in here, I shall be honor bound to call you out.”

 

“I would expect no less,” I responded, matching his tone.

 

“The floral print is barely discernible under all this dirt.  She had a set of three matching cases—they were a wedding present from Mrs. Forrester.  I have the other two in storage with some of her clothes.  I had forgotten this one was missing.  At the time...” his voice died off as a terrible sadness overtook him.

 

I marveled at his ability to feel so strongly.  Turning away to allow him some privacy, I moved to the sideboard, where I picked up the brandy decanter and refilled our glasses.  Watson acknowledged my offering, but made no effort to drink the liquid.  My own was gone almost as soon as I poured it.

 

“Holmes, can you tell me nothing?  What is it doing here?”

 

“I am sorry, my friend.  I have no facts upon which to make a hypothesis.”

 

“I am not sure, that I want to open it.”  He touched the bag tentatively, his sense of loss tangible.

Leaving him alone, I stepped out to the landing, “Mrs. Hudson!” I called down.

“Yes?” drifted up her answer.

 

“May we have some tea?”

 

“Certainly, Mr. Holmes.”

 

Turning back towards the sitting room, I found I could not enter.  Watson remained at my chemistry table, the valise still unopened.  Having no desire to intrude upon so private a moment, I opened the hall door to my room, now curious to examine the resting place of this troublesome bag.  As a mise-en-scène, my private apartment was disappointing. It was an ordinary room as far as size and design.  That it belonged to a bachelor was evidenced by the single bed and decided lack of female accouterments, boa excluded of course.  The walls were crammed with photographs of people whose somber countenances gave evidence to their membership of the criminal class, denoting the resident’s obsession with crime.  Handcuffs, burglary tools, and weapons furthered the validity of this deduction.

 

Although the mantelpiece was littered with pipes and tobacco pouches, my hand reached for a cigarette.  The dusty syringes lying there indicated a more troubling, albeit overcome addiction, while the stacks of papers and newspapers spoke of a man with widespread interests and a collector’s obsession with possession.  That he was a successful individual was evident in the careless way that various expensive objects were strewn about the room with little or no care for their worth; a jeweled snuffbox was at present being used as a paperweight.  There was little in the room to make it inviting or cheerful, and I suddenly found the room depressing.  I turned my attention to the headboard of the bed.

 

As there was not much space behind the bed, I was forced to pull it further away from the wall for my inspection.  Fortunately, among the items in my room was a bull’s eye lantern.  Thus equipped, I was able to see the exposed area clearly.  I found as I expected -- dust, cobwebs, dirt and a small collection of twigs blown into the room on the evenings when my open window had allowed nature to trespass.  There was nothing to tell me why Mary Watson had left her valise behind my bed some time during the summer of ‘91, the summer I disappeared.  I picked up the hearth broom from my seldom-used fireplace, and swept the area clean.  As I brushed the collected dirt pile onto the shovel for disbursement, an odd-looking clump of dirt caught my attention and upon closer inspection revealed itself to be a button.  This I kept along with several small coins, and threw the remainder of the mixture into the hearth.

 

After pouring a bit of water into my washbasin, I set about cleaning my prize.  It proved to be an unexpected find.  As buttons go, it was an average enough example—the small stem had retained a short piece of dark thread, and there was a design upon the face.  After further cleaning, it showed itself to be a regimental crest of some kind.  It appeared to have been reattached to a garment at some time for there were needle scratches on the underside and stem.  There was no way to determine how long it had rested under my bed.  I doubted very much that it had come from any garment Mrs. Watson might have been wearing.  Could it be from an old uniform of Watson’s?  I would need my lens before I could be sure of the crest.

 

Still unsatisfied, I returned to my headboard with a more exact search in mind.  As expected, I was able to found a small splinter in the wood of the bed, which could easily catch a loose thread or button.  This was most satisfying as it gave weight to the theory that the button and the valise were somehow connected.  I took heart in my belief that chances were high the button would indeed be Watson’s and my misgivings just the product of an over-active imagination of a hot, bored detective.

 

Mrs. Hudson passed my room, but I made no comment; I was not the one in need of tea.  She continued on to the siting room.  “Ah, Dr. Watson, I’ve brought you up some tea.”

 

“How very kind of you, Mrs. Hudson.  Here let me help you, it’s much too hot a night for you to be carrying things up and down the stairs.”

 

“Thank you, Doctor.”

 

“Holmes,” Watson called out, “stop hiding in your room and join me for some tea.”

 

I pocketed the trinket and returned to the sitting room.  ‘Hiding’ indeed, there was no arguing the fact that Watson had a fertile imagination.

 

In my absence, the room had grown dim, but I hesitated to turn up the gas.  I compromised by lighting a small oil lamp kept on the side table.  Watson had moved from the chemistry bench to the dining table where he now handed me a cup of tea.  I laid it down without tasting it, my cigarette providing all the sustenance that I needed at the moment.  Mrs. Hudson gave me a frown and prepared to leave the room when a thought occurred to me.

 

“Mrs. Hudson?”

 

“Yes, Mr. Holmes,” she said eyeing my untouched cup, “would you care for something else?”

“No, the tea is quite perfect; but I am curious, do you recognize that valise upon my table?”

 

She turned to look at the bag, and it was obvious that it did not bring about immediate recognition.

 

“It is Mrs. Watson’s,” I added.

 

“Oh my Lord,” Mrs. Hudson exclaimed, rushing over to the case.  She picked it up and brought it toward the doctor and the light.  “Yes, indeed.  So it is.”

 

“You recognize it then?” Watson said puzzled.  “How?”

 

“She brought it with her...that day, Doctor.”

 

“Oh, I see,” Watson said knowingly, while inexplicably, Mrs. Hudson sat down at the table looking as if she might begin to sob momentarily.

 

I was lost.  “Which day?” I asked impatiently.

 

Mrs. Hudson looked to Watson as if asking permission to speak, and only when he nodded encouragement, did she explain.  “The day that she died, poor thing.  She stopped by to have a drop of tea, and brought along the bag to take away a few things of the doctor’s that he kept for those times when he still helped out on a case.”  She reached over to Watson, grasping his hand in an offer of comfort.  “I was so happy to have Mrs. Watson’s help, and she seemed much stronger, a little cough was all.”

 

“Yes, I thought so, too, but I should have known better,” Watson said, his regret palpable.  “I should have come myself; I should never have let her undertake such a strenuous journey.”

 

“Now don’t go blaming yourself, doctor.  It was her time, that’s all.”

 

“If I hadn’t been so pre-occupied, I might have noticed how weak she truly was.”

 

“She was in fine spirits when I left to pop over to Langham’s for a fresh raspberry tart—I was hardly gone ten minutes.  When I returned I thought I heard her moving about and called upstairs, then I went to put the water on.  After a few minutes, it seemed odd that she hadn’t joined me, so I came upstairs to make sure she was all right, but she was gone.  I must have been mistaken about the noise, for I would have heard her leave.  It must surely have come upon her suddenly for she did not even leave a note.”

 

If there was one thing that our landlady was in good possession of, it was her ears.  If she heard something then there must have been something to hear, and if it wasn’t Mrs. Watson, then what or who?  My hand fingered the button in my pocket and I drew heavily upon my cigarette.

 

“Mary was dead before the cab reached my surgery.  It was the strangest thing,” Watson continued, an urgency to his voice as if in explaining what had happened he might finally come to understand it.  “She was so bright and cheerful that morning.  It was a lovely day, sunny and warm.  I had not been much company since my return from the continent and I thought a change would do Mary good.  We both knew her time was limited, and yet, we thought there would be a few more months, a year—I had hoped.  I should have known better.”

 

“You’re never prepared for such a loss, Doctor.  My Walter’s been gone how many years and there are still mornings I wake surprised not to find him next to me.”

 

They sat in mutual understanding silence while I sat quietly and appeared sympathetic, secretly pondering this information.  Watson would hardly let his wife leave her deathbed to come to tea, regardless of the weather.  He was annoyingly over-protective of people he felt responsibility towards.  It was highly unlikely that he had misjudged his wife’s condition.  I lit another cigarette, and wondered, why was Mary packing Watson’s things, why had her health deteriorated so suddenly, and why was the valise still here?  It was not at all heavy; I doubted if there was much in fact contained within it.  Obviously, there was some vital intelligence that I lacked, but these were Watson’s private agonies and I was reticent to intrude.

 

Fittingly, it was Watson who continued the questioning.  “Mrs. Hudson, I found this valise tonight, stored behind Mr. Holmes’ head-board.  Do you have any idea how it came to be there?”

 

“No, Doctor,” she said, and after a short pause continued, “My, that is odd.  I thought Mrs. Watson had taken it with her; it was gone when I returned from Langham’s.  It’s true that the room was in a state, what with the workmen’s odds and ends still about, but I would have noticed if she had left the bag behind.”

 

“Excuse me, Mrs. Hudson,” I interrupted, “but why was Mrs. Watson packing the doctor’s things?”

 

My even-tempered landlady studied me as if I were a dust-ball.  “She came to sort through Dr. Watson’s belongings.  I was boxing things for storage.  The workmen had finished repairing the damage from the fire in the bedroom, but the sitting room was still in a fright.  There were several personal items of the Doctor’s kept here in his old room upstairs as well as some letters and papers that I thought he should tend to.”

 

“Holmes,” Watson elucidated, “we thought you were dead.  She was attempting to get your affairs in order.  Mycroft did not send instructions about your things until the following week.”

 

“I see,” I said, stunned.  In Italy, I had sent word to my brother immediately.  What had taken so long?  I was keenly aware that not all my attempts to communicate had gotten through but I never suspected things had been delayed so long.

 

“I threw him out, you know,” Mrs. Hudson said, a small smile returning to her face.  “The idea was positively morbid, and I told him so.  I didn’t want anything to do with it.  ‘Leave the rooms, nothing is to be moved,’ he ordered, as if this were some shrine.”

 

“I don’t understand, you did just as he instructed,” Watson said.

 

“Aye, he came back.  Oh, he was a smooth one.  He pleaded that since the Swiss officials had been unable to locate a body, he wished to wait a bit, in case...” she paused here and stared at me, with a look that was neither sympathetic nor understanding.  “He would continue to pay for the rent of the rooms, he said, until his brother was found.  He was in quite a state, I could not refuse him.  I agreed to leave things be, until he was satisfied.  It was such a moving plea; I did not have the heart to refuse him again.  Fool that I was, I thought it would only be a week or so.  Who knew it would stretch into years.”

 

The thought of Mycroft reduced to false-hysterics to convince Mrs. Hudson of his sincerity was unbelievable.  I laughed in spite of myself.  This did not endear me to my landlady.

 

“Well, I never,” she said standing, her kind Scottish features suddenly stern and hard.  “Any man who can allow his best friend to think he was dead for three years without an ounce of repentance or shame is not much to speak of in my book.”

 

I watched her leave in silent astonishment.

 

“Don’t pay her too much mind, Holmes.  She is upset.”

 

“Watson, I am hardly in need of Mrs. Hudson’s approval.”

 

“No, of course not.  Silly of me to think so.”

 

I stubbed out my cigarette.  “It is of no importance.”

 

I rose from the table and picked up my violin.  Perhaps some Verdi would help clear my mind of this pathetic puzzle.  I would retire to my room and leave Watson to his ghosts.

 

“I must seem silly to you, Holmes, being so unsettled by a simple valise.”

 

His words, steeped in self-deprecation, stopped me at the doorway to my room, and I turned towards him.  “My dear friend, it is not my place to judge you, or my intent to make you uncomfortable.  These are not my private dolors that have been awakened.  Perhaps I was wrong earlier when I made that quick comparison of our two desks, for it may be that this valise is a better example of the differences between us.  For you, that bag is full of items whose significance stems not from the past when you occasionally stayed here at your old bachelor digs, but as a reminder of everything that you lost when Mary died.  The contentment and satisfaction that you had, the loving home that you made for each other; whereas to me, never having known or desired such things, its presence is a mere puzzle to be pondered over, solved and then discarded.”

 

“I think you do yourself an injustice.”

 

“You are always so eager to believe the better of me, but it is the truth when I say that the domestic bliss that you mourn is as alien to me as the moons of Jupiter.”

 

“Mary was very fond of you, too, Holmes.”

 

I had no answer to such a statement, yet neither could I retreat to the quiet confines of my room.  That would seem, I felt, like an admission of sorts to Watson.  So instead I relaxed into my chair and began to play the violin.

 

Watson sat listening in silence for several minutes then abruptly, sprang up.  “Oh, hell.”  He walked to his abandoned brandy and brought it and the bag to his chair opposite mine.  After turning up the gas to improve the light, he pulled over a small stool to rest the case upon and opened it.

 

“There doesn’t appear to be much here,” he said sadly.  “I expected as much.”  He produced a grey scarf.  “Mary’s present to me our first Christmas together.  I had thought it lost in the move.”  He wrapped it around his neck, his manner a little lighter than it had been.  “Still smells a bit of smoke.  Strange isn’t it, Holmes, how things can retain an essence of an event often better than our own memories.  Forgotten reminders.  My spare shaving kit, razor only a little rusty, a few old collars, and—what do we have here?” he said excitedly.

 

I stopped playing, all attention now, as he drew out what appeared to be a small packet of papers—articles and letters.

 

“Most of this is yours, Holmes.  These are most likely the papers that Mrs. Hudson thought I should look after when you were gone, but since you are now back, I will let you handle them yourself.”  He brought the packet over to me and deposited it on the table near my elbow.  “I hope, for your sake, that there aren’t any over-due bills in the pile.”

 

I put down the violin and began to examine these strange missives from the past.  Recognizing most of the loose papers as notes and cuttings that I had been using as part of my research on Moriarty, I tossed them to one side; they held no attraction for me now.  There remained three letters post-marked early in May of 1891.  One appeared to be from an impatient right-handed lady residing in Croydon, a love-interest from the excessive flourishes upon the address; one from a middle-aged man suffering from a premature weakness of some sort, and whatever his complaint was nature had surely resolved it beyond my help at this late date.  The final envelope held a more immediate and personal message, for I was looking at a note that I had thought thankfully lost in some foreign postal office.  There was no need for me to open this letter, as I knew its message intimately.

 

“Holmes, what is it?”

 

I looked over to Watson, covering the letter as I answered, “What?”

 

“That letter seems to have affected you strangely, your face is ashen.”

 

“Nonsense, Watson.  Merely a trick of the heightened light.  It is nothing.”

 

“Indeed, then you would not mind sharing it with me.”

 

Trepidation flooded through me, I required a diversion.  “Do you recognize this?”  Reaching into my pocket, I tossed the button to Watson for his inspection.

 

I could tell that he saw through my little ploy, but he seemed to accept my wishes and turned his attention to the fastener.

 

“It’s a button, Holmes.”

 

“Thank you.  Do you recognize the design on the face?”

 

“Military issue, regimental crest.  Where ever did you find it?”

 

“Just lying around.”

 

“Yet another example of a forgotten trifle, eh, Holmes?  But I can help you out with this one, old boy.  The crest is from the Bangalore Pioneers, which as you no doubt recall, or would after two or three pipes of your most odious shag, from which I will spare both you and myself, is Colonel Moran’s old regiment.  It must have fallen off during the fight with him across the way, and you forgot that you kept it.”

 

I did not even dignify that suggestion with a reply, for if Watson were correct about the button’s ancestry, and I feared that he was; then the implications of Moran’s presence at Baker Street were indeed ominous.  If the button had fallen off Moran’s coat, then he had put the valise behind the headboard in my vacant room.  I rose, and walked to the mantelpiece intent on plugging my pipe with the strongest tobacco I owned.  Watson would have to suffer through it, my mind was racing out of control, and I needed to impose order upon it.

 

Moran here in my rooms.  At present there were too many possibilities running through my brain, all of them too devastating for me to consider.  Moran in my rooms.  Focusing all my energies on my pipe and tobacco, I attempted to block all thought of Moran from my mind.  Moran.  Here.  It did not work.  I had often told Watson of the dangers in coming to conclusions without enough data.  I knew I was guilty of that exact offense as my mind continued its unwanted journey.  Moran.  Mary.  Death.  No, no, it was too absurd.  Why—what was he doing here?  Looking for that damn umbrella?  I dismissed the idea immediately; the Stewart affair was a dead issue.  What then?  Did I have something else—the significance of which escaped me?  Was he just making sure?  Merely double-checking that he had indeed escaped again?  Did Mary surprise him?  Was he so mad that merely to see him was her death warrant?  Was he that much of a monster?  How did he accomplish the act?  Watson would have noticed any signs of violence.  Poison?  My chemistry table held ample opportunity for such an act.  Did he kill her knowing who she was or merely for her folly in discovering him?  I needed to stop thinking.  The tobacco wasn’t strong enough.  Why kill Mary and leave Watson unharmed?  If there were a threat, surely it would have come through him.  To send her home in the cab, Moran must have known her identity.  A man helping an obviously ill woman into a hansom, it would not have turned a head.  But why leave the case behind?  Did he want me to find it?  Was it some perverse calling card?  Why hadn’t he just finished me off at the falls?  Why hadn’t he brought his air gun?  Why was I still alive?

 

“Holmes!”

 

Startled, I looked over to find Watson had joined me at the fireplace.  His manner a picture of concern and worry.

 

“What on earth is troubling you?  Come sit down.”

 

I shook off his proffered hand.  It was suddenly very cold in our rooms, I moved away, and rubbed my arms, trying to increase my circulation.  My right hand lingered upon my left biceps and an old craving surged anew through my being.  My eyes searched for my morocco case.  That is what I needed, oblivion, if only for a few hours, something to stop my mind.  I must make Watson leave.  I must be alone.

 

“Drink this.”

 

Watson thrust a glass in my direction.  “What is it?”

 

“Something to calm your nerves.”

 

“No.  I am fine.”  I retreated into my chair deposited my pipe on the table, and pulled a rug around my shoulders.  “A sudden chill, that is all.  No need to be alarmed.”

 

Watson stood before me, unflinching.  “You will drink this, Holmes, or I shall forcibly pour it down your throat.”

 

It was not an empty threat, but a sedative was simply out of the question.  I needed uninterrupted solitude so that my mind might sort through this knot of supposition and separate my legitimate fears from the fanciful.  I refused.

 

“Holmes, I do not wish to force this upon you, but you are in shock.  Would you at least drink a brandy?”

 

“An admirable compromise, Doctor.  I would very much appreciate a brandy.”  It would do until Watson had retired and I would be able to administer a medicine more to my own choosing.

 

In seconds, I was drinking the smooth liquid, benefiting from the warmth, and calming effect of the drink.  The out of control wanderings of my mind slowed, and I was once more able to think reasonably.  It seemed odd that everything remained as it had been, the valise still sat upon the stool, the papers were still scattered about the room, and—wait, where had the tea things gone?  My eyes quickly sought out a clock, to my surprise I had lost fifteen minutes.  Watson hovered near me, his concern now giving way to an almost volatile anger.

 

“How very extraordinary.  I don’t know what came over me.” I said to convince my friend that the danger was over.

 

“I’m afraid that is not good enough, Holmes.”

 

“I beg your pardon,” I said.  Surely, he could not have divined my intentions toward the drug.

 

“It has been my custom to allow you the isolation that you so strenuously desire.  But when that isolation is used to withhold information or mislead me about my family, I must protest.  I demand that you inform me of your conclusions.”

 

I looked at him blankly.  He could not possibly have read my mind.

 

“I have not lived with the world’s foremost consulting detective for nearly fifteen years without absorbing some of his methods.  Not that I would need them in this case, a child could see that something has happened.  I find a strange valise mysteriously left behind by my wife on the day of her death and shortly after going through the contents thereof, you go into a trance-like state that results in shock.  You have seen something here that has eluded me and I say it again, I demand that you share it with me.”

 

I remained silent, still.

 

“If you value my friendship, Holmes, you will not remain silent upon this point.”

 

My friend stood in front of me waiting, expecting an answer, which I would never give.  “Watson, you are upset.”  I rose from my chair, discarding the suddenly cumbersome rug.  “We will discuss this in the morning.”

 

To my astonishment, Watson stepped forward, closing the gap between us to nothing, and forcibly shoved me back down into my chair.

 

“We shall discuss this now, Holmes.  Since I first—since you first discerned that the bag belonged to Mary, my mind has been in utter torment.  You cannot possibly comprehend the depth of my feelings on this matter.”

 

Watson was serious, this I knew.  I had crossed some unseen line and had, however unwillingly on my part become an adversary.  I wished myself anywhere but here.

 

“No doubt,” he continued, remaining uncomfortably close, I could feel his hot brandied breath upon my brow, “such an emotional reaction is distasteful to your tender sensibilities.  But I have not the self-discipline that you command to stop my mind from its musings.  Mary was my wife, Holmes, you will tell me what you know.”

 

“I know nothing,” I replied cold as I felt.

 

“Don’t play games with me.  I should think that after all we have been through together, the very least that I deserve from you is the truth.”

 

I felt as if I were suffocating under his presence, I had to get up, I had to have air.  I motioned as if to reach for my pipe, and as Watson’s eye turned away, I deftly rose from my chair and deposited my over-taxed friend into it.

 

Just as suddenly, he rose out of it, his eyes blazing.  “I will not be put off.”

 

“You will not be put off,” I said as angry as he.  “You demand that I tell you the truth.  You, Doctor, have seen what I have seen.  I have hidden nothing from you.”

 

“That is a lie.”

 

“I beg your pardon?” I said shocked.

 

“You have hidden a letter in your right hand pocket .”

 

“That -- that is nothing.”

 

“Good, then share it with me.”

 

Watson must have sensed the hesitation I felt for he walked past me without another word or glance.  It was not until he reached the door that he turned to me and said, “I shall send someone over for my things in the morning.  Good-bye, Holmes.”

 

Frozen in complete shock, I stood, waiting for the inevitable slam of the front door.  That sound would be a turning page in my life.  The future would be a sad epilogue to our friendship, though, if the blackness that I could sense enfolding me was any indication, at least it would be blessedly short.  There is no escape from the torment of the mind.  If Watson were truly leaving, then there would no longer be a reason for me to fight off the depression and mood swings.  If Watson had left his medical bag, I would use his own supply to begin my journey.  Why did the damn door not close?

 

The silence was deafening.  I walked out to the hallway prepared for nothing, expecting anything.  Watson sat upon the top step, his shoulder leaning against the wall, waiting.  Even in the hall’s deep shadows, I could discern a strange sad smile upon his face.

 

“Come here, Holmes,” he patted the step next to him.  “Sit down.  You can just make out the moon through the window.  It is very beautiful.”

 

I did not move.

 

“I promise not to bite.”

 

I remained still.

 

“Very well.  Suit yourself.”  He stretched out and made himself comfortable.  “It is rather unfair of me to admonish you so strongly for not being more forthright, when I myself am guilty of the same offense.  You see, I have many unanswered questions about Mary’s death myself.  It was so long ago and yet it feels like yesterday.  I was rather remote and depressed the last days of her life, you see, I did little more than sit about the house drinking, and condemning myself for your death.  It is no wonder Mary took any excuse she could find to relieve herself of my company.  When that cab brought her home, I felt it was just punishment for my sins.  I had no right to happiness, I was a failure.  A failure as a doctor.  A failure as a husband.  Certainly a failure as a friend.

 

“I called Anstruther over to examine Mary.  I was incapable of proper medical thought.  Actually, I was convinced that she had been murdered.  The papers were full of the Moriarty gang, and your part in the arrests.  You had yourself been murdered, Scotland Yard had stationed a constable outside my surgery for ‘merely precautionary measures’, Lestrade had said.  My head was full of conspiracies.

 

“While my neighbor examined my wife, I was forbidden access to the examining room, so I made myself useful by talking with the cab driver.  Or rather listening to the man’s unending apologies, he was understandably upset, and felt a little guilty, no doubt.  He said that a man had helped Mary into the cab, her voice had been weak, and the gentleman had relayed the address to which the lady was to be taken.  He remembered little about the man, well dressed, mustache, tall.  He did not know if the man had accompanied my wife from the house or merely assisted her as he strolled down the street.  He had picked up the fare at Baker Street, he remembered that all right.

 

“Ansthruter’s examination showed no signs of foul play, an afternoon fog had descended, and Mary’s delicate health just gave in.  Respiratory failure.  This city, this damn city suffocates thousands every year, what was one more?  I should have taken up residence in the country and forbidden her to come into the city ever.  The price was just too high.”

 

What did he want me to say?  I was grateful for the dark, it hid my confusion.  I had no proof that Moran had done anything other than help an ill woman to a cab; all I had were vague unsubstantiated, misgivings.  My guilt over Mary’s death paled in the relief I felt at finding Watson had remained.  If he could find the strength to battle his inner demons, how could I succumb to mine?

 

“Now this bag, you take little more than a look at it, and. . . .  I was justified in my suspicions, wasn’t I?”

 

“I . . . .”

 

“It’s all right, Holmes.  You don’t have to say anything.  You have tried very hard to spare my feelings in this matter, and I am touched.  It is a role that you are unfamiliar with and one that you do not do particularly well, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

 

“Watson...”

 

“No, no, Holmes.  I mean it, at times I ask far too much.—that you take me into your confidence, that you truly trust me in the same manner that you ask any client who comes into our rooms.  ‘This is Dr. Watson, in whom I have every confidence.  You may speak to him as to me.’

 

I listened to the sounds of the darkness, and tried to think of something to say, but there was nothing.  The curious incident of the detective in the night.

 

“There seems to me to be very little justice in this world.  In Afghanistan after I was wounded, I often slipped out of the hospital at night and went to the doctor’s mess.  I was allowed a liberty, as I was a fellow physician. There was a verandah where you could rest in a hammock and fall asleep with a blanket of stars looking down on you.  I found great comfort in that blanket, that great huge sky.  Then I was dying and at peace, now I am very much alive and know no peace.  Strange isn’t it?  I really have only one regret.”

 

“Only one?  You are a lucky man, Watson.”

 

“Remember when you were engaged in that fist-fight with Moran across the street?  When I struck Moran with my gun, if I had known the true character of the villain, it might have given me a bit more strength and saved the crown the cost and inconvenience of a trial.”

 

“His involvement, it is only conjecture; we have no proof.”

 

Watson was silent for a moment, staring at something he held in his hand.  It was the button.  He tossed the offensive object to me.  “Very well, no proof; but what about your regrets?”

 

My hand was in my pocket.  I could feel the envelope; it would be so easy to pass it over to my friend.  Still I hesitated, what good would it do?

 

“Holmes, show me the letter.”

 

It was really of little consequence any more.  I walked over to Watson and delivered the long delayed message.

 

“I can’t read it in this light.”

 

“It is addressed to Signore Holmes & Watson, 221B Baker Street, London England.  There is no return address, it was post-marked the sixth of May, 1891, Lugano, Italy.  The hand, though obviously disguised, still betrays signs of anxiety; the envelope, that of an Italian boot maker, was stolen.  The message was written in haste with a snub-nosed pencil upon a flyleaf torn from a Swiss guidebook and is in the Latin language.  This indicates that both the sender and the intended recipient of the message had classical training.  It further lends credence to the theory that the message was delicate and much trouble was taken to prevent it from being diverted into the wrong hands.”

 

“Why, Holmes, that really is incredible.  The envelope has not been opened.  You did not read it while we were in the study, how do...”

 

I could see that he had guessed the truth.  “It was an ill-advised impulsive note to put a friend’s mind at ease.”

 

“Why did you never tell me of this?  Why did you allow me to berate you so unfairly upon your return?”

 

“Because it was not unfair.  I regretted the message as soon as I sent it.  I was somewhat surprised at your unique reception to my reappearance in your consulting room.  It was obvious that you had not received the note, and I was relived.”

 

“Moran knew that you lived, what harm was there in letting me know as well?”

 

“If Mary had been successful in her assignment and brought the valise and letter back to you, what would you have done?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“I do.  You would have waited patiently for additional communiqués and when they did not arrive you would have come looking for me.  The danger was not over.  Remember, I told you that there were two other men besides Moran who had vowed revenge against me and there were further attempts upon my life after Reichenbach.  What if one of those had been successful?  You would never have been informed and you would have lived the remainder of your life wondering and searching for signs of Sherlock Holmes everywhere.  No, it was most unkind of me to have sent that note when there was still too much of a chance that Moriarty and his men would triumph.  It was better that you remained unaware of my escape until I had truly managed to break free of the full threat.”

 

“Perhaps,” he said, rising from the steps to join me on the landing, the letter firmly in his grasp.  “But I am glad that at least for one moment you felt differently.”

 

He took my arm and guided me back into our sitting room.  “And now, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, I believe there is a least one serving of brandy remaining.  I suggest that we remedy that situation.”

 

***

 

"Mrs. Hudson, where is Watson this morning?" I asked our landlady as she brought in breakfast.  I noted she had not put down a place for Watson.

           

"He left early this morning.  He did not say where he was going, but said he would be out all morning.  I did see him purchase flowers from the girl in the street"

 

"Flowers?"

 

She smiled.  "Perhaps he has a special lady in his life."

 

"Yes," I agreed quietly.  "A special lady.  Thank you, Mrs. Hudson," I muttered in dismissal.

I left my meal untouched and prepared to leave.  I thought I knew what errand occupied my companion on this warm summer day.

 

The morning was fine and bright, a breeze blowing through the city, cleansing the air and tempering the heat.  There was a touch of something on the wind.  The weather was turning from summer to autumn.  In the graveyard, there was only one visitor.  He was easy to spot as he stood near the simple headstone and the fresh bouquet on the ground.  With hat in hand and head bowed, his figure was fittingly somber.

 

I had never been here to Mary's final resting place.  Regret or guilt had kept me paying last respects in person since my return.  I wondered how many times Watson had stood there over the years, never aware of any such sojourn to this memorial of memories past.  Then, it was hardly a subject we would share in our unique friendship.  His solemn, mute vigil denoted an air of familiarity and ritual.  His visits were probably occasional.  His manner was not vocal or grieving as was wont for the overly emotional -- the recently bereaved, the guilty, the ruined.  He was calm, controlled, and dutiful.  He was Watson.

 

I wondered why I had come.  Not to intrude on my friend’s privacy, else, I would join him closer to the grave.  Not to purge my own feelings for Mrs. Watson, since I was undecided as to what those feelings were.  I was here to offer support.  To return a measure of the security and strength Watson so often offered me.

 

My friend replaced his bowler and turned, surprised to see me.  He walked over.  "Holmes."

 

"I have no wish to intrude."

 

"No, no, you are not.  I should have asked before this if you wanted --"

 

"I should have enquired . . . ."  My words trailed away.  We studied each other in silence, caught in that void of discomfort when, surprising someone in a private moment, neither person knows what to say.

 

He fleetingly surveyed the cemetery.  "This is not a spot one frequents without purpose."

 

"Of course not.  It forces us into reflection.  A place of endings."

 

He nodded and glanced back at the grey stone inscribed with his wife's name.  When he looked back, faced me, his gaze was indirect, his eyes rimmed with red.  There were shadows there; sorrow clouding his soul.

 

"All these years and I could never bring myself to give in and admit to the grief for her.  When she died I was in mourning for you.  I needed to come today and tell her we discovered --"  his voice shook from emotion.  For a moment I thought he would cry.  He took a deep breath and fought for control.  "Silly, isn't it, to bare my soul, as if she could hear it.  Do you ever talk to gravestones?"

 

This time I turned away.  I did not share his courage.  I did not visit graveyards.  I had no desire to speak to my dead.  Sometimes, they spoke to me in dark dreams.

 

"It's foolish to feel so deeply about injustices so long past.  I feel robbed, cheated.  Moran killed her.  He stole precious moments away that should have been mine!"  The startling anger flared briefly.  He was embarrassed by the outburst, and released another sigh.  "Sorry."

 

"No, it's quite -- understandable."

 

"Sentimental old fool that I am, I had to come back.  I had to say good-bye.”

 

Should I apologize?  My fraudulent death had caused so much pain.  After all, we had settled about the past, it would be pointless and trite to say anything to demean my friend's mourning and dignified tribute.

 

"I can finally put this properly behind me," he continued.  "Knowing what Moran did is maddening.  He should hang --!"  The bitterness, the rage instantaneously flared and died again.  He shook his head and wiped at his eyes.  "They didn't even hang him for the murder of Adair!  There is no proof, is there?"

 

My teeth ground together in anger at the injustice, from the frustration, the impotence.  "No," was my tight response as I held back my true thoughts.  Watson did not need reminders of the pain.  He needed to forget.  Impossible.  Then, he needed to heal.

 

"At least now the doubts, the questions are gone.  I know the truth," he sighed.

 

I thought back to the damage, the pain caused by the pursuit of truths surrounding my 'death'.  "The truth has been harsh," I whispered.  I never, in my worst nightmares, ever envisioned the repercussions of the deception I perpetrated.  I hoped now the damage was behind us.

 

"I will always miss her, of course, but I can mourn her properly, now.  Finding the valise was like laying a ghost to rest."

 

With slow steps he walked away.

 

I looked at the simple inscription placed on the stone, dedicated to a beloved wife.  In life, Mary Morstan Watson had struggled with trials which seemed unfair; poor health, abandonment, loss of a father, loss of a fortune.  Finally, innocent of any wrong, her trying days ended by a foul murderer.  In my heart I offered silent prayers.  A prayer of serenity for the soul of brave Mary.  'God in His mercy lend her grace.'  A prayer of thanks for the strength of her husband.

 

I caught up with my friend.  We made our silent passage through the graveyard to the street.  Watson never looked back.

 

 

THE END